Saturday, December 19, 2009

Shopping Sux

I am not the typical girl I guess - I generally *hate* shopping. Unless I can do it online anyway, where I can be away from the crowds and the salespeople. However, there are times when you just are not able to get around it - you have to go to the store. Generally, I wait for when my husband is with me, as at least I can count on him to push our way thru the throngs of people we encounter and/or annoy us.

But that was not the case the other day when we had to go to Hobby Lobby for a few things - one of which was candles. Believe me, when you have dogs, its typically a good idea to get candles to burn - tho, it is kinda dangerous when you have someone like me who burns a candle for hours on end or just forgets she lit a candle to begin with.

But anywhooo..... thats a different story....

We were in the one of the candle aisles and about to turn and go down another when an old lady slowly appeared out of nowhere and stopped at the end of the aisle. She stands there a few minutes just staring at the vast array of candles. She then slowly bends and picks up a candle. She looks at it. She looks at it some more. She decides to sniff the candle. She looks at the candle some more. She decides candle is not worthy of her attention finally and slowly returns it to its original spot. She stares at the other candles again....

All this time, my husband and I are standing behind her, watching and waiting - as she apparantly was oblivious she was in our way. I look over at my husband and roll my eyes and sigh. My husband makes a face and I am close to laughing when the lady decides to move a few more inches - which is *just* enuf for us to get by and get to the other candle aisle.

Relieved, I started going thru the older lady's motions - grab, sniff, place candle back, grab, sniff - only at a much faster pace. I only get thru 2 candles, however, when I look down the aisle and there was the old lady again.

Seriously? How the heck did *that* happen? Did she just leave the house that day thinking how she was gonna mess with people, cuz she was bored and all? Or maybe one of the candles was invigorating, and gave her a sudden burst of energy to move that quickly - as she sure as heck didnt have that energy before.

Guess I will just buy my candles online next time, sniff them at home and return them if I dont like them in order to avoid dealing with older gals like her lol

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Biometric Screenings

I am thinking that I need to quit participating in the Biometric screenings the company I work for has every year. Every year, it never goes well in some way or the other. Last year, I ended up running back to get my Blue Cross/Blue Shield insurance card, only to have them tell me it wasn’t needed and have my pulse rate skyrocket to 90 +. And this year?

I got congratulated on being pregnant with my first baby.

No – this is not a real baby. This is a way that the lady who is taking your measurements and weighing you tells you that you are fat.

And yes – I am grumpy about it lol

Everything was going according to plan when I got there. I had my insurance card, my work ID and was on time. I go to the first lady to get weighed, and then she takes my measurements. She then says:

“I see why you are a bit bigger than last year. Congratulations.”

I stood there, not knowing if I should embarrass her and tell her that no – I am just fat. Or to just let it go. Or to just go postal on her. So I did nothing, and went on to the next person in line to have them do the blood work.

But seriously? Doncha think she would know better than to assume something like that? I should have just asked her what her excuse was for being fat lol

OK – deep breaths Lisa. Let it go. Just let. IT. GO.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

A Crappy Night

'Something smells like dog poop', my husband says as soon as I get downstairs with my new Accounting tax book on our leather couch.

'Gee, thanks' I said. 'What a way to greet your wife.'

This, of course, does not phase my husband, who asks if I smell it. I do not - and I tell him so - so he goes back to surfing on his laptop. I start reading my Accounting book, stopping a couple of times to sarcastically remark how 'fascinating' Chapter One was - only to be ignored by my husband. Altho, suddenly I start smelling something a bit 'off', so I admitted to my husband that I was smelling it too now. However, after a quick look around, my husband does not see anything and we go back to what we were doing before. I notice my book smells a bit funny when we do so, and mention that it could be my book. My husband leans over and sniffs the book - and mentions that it *could* be, too. And then we went back to book reading and internet surfing yet again.

I turn on my side, sigh a couple of times and make one more 'fascinating' remark - when my husband grabs his laptop and says he has to move - the smell was too much for him. I declare that, 'well, fine! then I am too!' and sit up,get ready to get up and momentarily look down at the floor.

A floor with dog poop on it.

I get up and look at the couch.

There is dog poop on it.

I turn around to look at the back of my pants.

There is F'N dog poop smeared all over it.

I start yelling 'EWWWW' and hurrying upstairs to the shower, as my husband tells me that I need 'to go to my kennel'.

And, that, my folks, is what you call a crappy night lol

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

How to Trim Pesky Nose Hairs

Apparently Dr. Jessica Wu from Hollywood has had someone tell her that I have a pesky nose hair problem, as I received an email from her today lol Oh yes, lovely spam email - never a day goes by that I am not annoyed or amused by you.

So anyway! I thought I would share this one with ya'all =) And insert a few comments here and there lol

Q: I met my fiancĂ©e's parents for the first time recently, and all was going well until I noticed my future mother-in-law staring at my nose. When I looked in the mirror, I saw that there was a huge hair protruding from my nostril — I was mortified! What's the best way to get rid of nose hairs, or at least make sure they're not visible to anyone else?

A: Stray nose hairs might embarrass you sometimes, but nasal hair does serve a purpose. It acts as a filter, keeping dust, pollution, and bacteria from passing through your nose and into your lungs.

If your nose hairs are crossing the line, here's what you can do to rein them in:
First, put your tweezers down! (Uhuh, yep - cuz like, EVERYONE thinks pulling their nose hairs with tweezers is not really painful at all, and thats the first thing they WANNA do) I know it seems like the quickest and most obvious solution, but bacteria like staph can grow inside your nostrils, and plucking can create an opening in your skin, allowing the bacteria to penetrate and spread. Several of my patients have gotten staph infections from tweezing their nose hairs, and I don't want that to happen to you. If you notice signs of infection, such as oozing (gross!), crusting (nasty!), pus (really gross!), redness (could be worse lol), or pain (err, ya mean your nose aint gonna like you ripping sumpin out of it? just sayin'...), make an appointment to see your doctor.

Instead of tweezing, trim rogue nose hairs with a clean pair of cuticle scissors. I recommend getting a second, separate pair for your nose because you could spread infection by using the same ones that you use on your cuticles.
When you start trimming, stick to the hairs that protrude outside your nose. Don't try to trim hairs that are too far back in your nostril or too close to the surface — you might pinch or stab your skin. To be on the safe side, consider getting a pair of Tweezerman's round-tip Facial Hair Scissors ( <-- wow, friggin ORIGINAL website name =) and why is is tweezerMAN and now tweezerGAL? I mean, we ARE talking about a gal with probs with nose hairs after all!

Avoid battery-operated nasal hair trimmers with rotating blades. These tools can be difficult to hold still and they can tickle your nose (lol - but at least you arent in pain right?), making it harder for you to get the job done. They also tend to pull the hairs out, which can enable bacteria to enter your skin.

Finally, get in the habit of checking your nose hairs before going out (you betcha!! should I have my husband check my nose hairs too? just in case ya know....) — and make sure you grin when looking in the mirror because sometimes nasal hair only protrudes when you're smiling.

Sunday, October 11, 2009

Electricity Out

Here I sit at Ixtapa's Mexican Restaurant with my laptop, a margarita, some chips and some loud mouth people courtesy of our neighborhood having a transformer blow and leaving us with no electricity. Normally, a margarita would put me in a happy mood - but the loud mouth people are ruining things for me.

When we first arrived, we were only the second customer at the restuarant. And everything went really well at first - they put us near a power outlet for our laptops, set us up with the biggest margs they had, had wireless internet to connect to and changed the TV channel to the Nascar race for my husband. Maybe we didnt have electricity at our house, but darnit - things were looking up at Ixtapas.

Or rather, until the kid sitting behind us started to cry everytime she ate a chip. It wasnt a small cry - altho to her credit - it wasnt *quite* a wail either. But she sounded like someone just smacked her across the face - and the only reason she was crying because of the chip, was because it had 'rough' edges and it hurt going down. Was there a medical reason for her thinking it hurt? No......Was there a reason for the parents to act like she was the center of attention? No....But they all did anyway, and since I was sitting right behind them, I could hear every word, every cry, every sniffle...

EVERY single F'N sound....

Well, they did finally leave - which made me happy. However, they were replaced soon after by a a guy and gal (father/daughter). The daughter was old enuf to have a kid and was talking in a loud voice about how her kid told her last weekend that she had way too much to drink.

Let us reflect on this comment shall we? How F'N white trash do you have to be to make that comment? How bad is it that your KID has to tell you that you have had too much to drink? How bad is it that YOU have to talk loudly about it a Mexican restaurant when the person behind you is furiously typing on her laptop?

Needless to say, this sort of conversation continued the whole time they were behind us. The daughter mentions getting together with her friend later, the Dad makes a comment about how her friend is hot. Seriously? Its a good thing that I was done eating, because the conversation was getting a bit nauseating.

To make sure we remembered them, the Dad burped not once - but twice - as LOUD as possible and blames it on his daughter. They then finally get up and leave, as my husband and I look at each other. He was mildly amused - me? More extremely agitated.

Honestly, next time I guess I need to drink my margarita quicker. Either that, or burp louder lol

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Dog Pee & Weirdness

These last few days have been quite interesting - or maybe I have just had more time to notice it, since I have been fighting off the flu. Granted, this weekend was something that typically happens, but it seemed to be more than just the usual....

My youngest pup typically gets so excited when she sees me that she piddles a bit. This weekend was no exception - I greeted her and she got so excited she peed. I was expecting this, got the paper towel, cleaned it up and went to pick her up again. And for the 2nd time - she peed. Despite my flu-ish fuzzy brain, I was like *uggh* - really? But I got more paper towels and cleaned it up and looked at her and said:

'OK, gonna pick you up again - but if you pee again - I am gonna be grumpy'

To prove what a brave lil pup she is, she peed a 3rd time, and right ON my tennis shoes *sigh* OK, I think, she is *just* a pup, dont say anything - clean it up, pick her up again asap like its no big deal....

I do so - and she pees right on me!!!! I only have grabbed her around her front legs at this point, so I thought I better grab her back side to protect her back, as dachshunds are prone to back probs. My other hand reaches underneath her butt-side and is immediately wet.

Yes. You are right. She did what you think she did. I aint gonna say it. I am just gonna move on to the weirdness lol

I tried going in to work Monday - and I actually made it thru the work day - but my body was HURTING bad by the end of it =/ So I called in Tuesday - as I didnt wake up feeling incredibly better - and was pretty lazy for most of the day. I did get to the grocery store to get some stuff to grill and saw:

#1 A 4 person bike --> UH, why? I am not sure what the purpose is really of this. Are we too cheap to afford 4 seperate bikes? Do they realize everyone has to work together to operate a 4 person bike? And if that if they do realize that, what kinda family does that sorta thing? Like I told my husband, it just reminds me of a 'Leave it to Beaver' episode. Tho when I tried to imitate the lil boy on the show, he said I sounded like 'Butters' on South Park, but anywhooooo...

#2 There was a chalk outline of a person in front of the Hyvee entrance ---> OK, maybe I thought the 4 person bike was wrong - but this is seriously NOT something a grocery store would want in front of their store right? Just sayin...

#3 There was a very uncoordinated dude walking w/a brown paper sack by Hyvee --> Yup. Pretty darn sure the dude was drunk. On the bright side of things - it was not his chalk outline in front of the store.

#4 My husband & witness a conversation tween checkout lady and sack dude about an earthquake in KS --> Yeah, a friggin earthquake. Granted, there are probably some that happen on a LOT smaller scale in KS, but typically this is something that happens in say.....CA maybe?? And the really weird thng was that they were blaming this KS quake for being the demise of the Indian Springs Mall. Cuz I guess they havent read the latest paper that mentions that the economy aint doing so hot and that perhaps, just MAYBE, that could be the reason for it not being around anymore. Again, just sayin'....

One thing I can tell you for sure, I will not be going to Hyvee anymore to do my grocery shopping lol

Friday, August 28, 2009

What is Mine is Yours

When I wash the dishes, I like to use Dawn - its always been my preference, and I always assumed it was safe from the hands of my husband. Altho, to be fair, my husband does his fair share of washing dishes. What isnt fair is that my Dawn dishsoap ends up in the garage to be used to clean the wheels of my Jeep. Granted, at least my husband is cleaning my Jeep's wheels, as I generally am not that 'detailed' with my Jeep. But to me, Dawn dishsoap has one purpose, and one purpose only:


Needless to say, after my husband decided to use the Dawn, I felt the need to go replenish it ASAP. In my mind, after I got the Dawn, I would take the full bottle of Dawn and then give my husband the used bottle. Good compromise, eh? =) I sure as heck thought so lol However, after getting home from the store and we have put everything away, I went into the other room to relax. I walked back into the kitchen not long after and find my husband pouring my full bottle of Dawn into his bottle.

'Uhh, what da heck are you doing?' I ask.

'Filling up my bottle of soap', he replies - despite it being pretty darn obvious to both of us what exactly he was doing.

So I spaz out, exclaiming very loudly: 'What the f*ck? Are you kiddin'? Seriously? That was MINE - my very own bottle of soap. I couldn't have a non-molested bottle for my very own?'

So ummm....... he looked at me like I was crazy, which I actually felt fairly goofy having to lay 'claim' to my bottle of Dawn, but a girl has gotta do what she has gotta do ya know?

The next day brings a similar episode, which was brought up by mentioning a company truck of his that needing some serious cleaning. I had asked if he had cleaned it out yet, to which he replied:

'Yep - did it yesterday. Actually did it with your clorox wipes even!' as he smiled proudly.

Uhuh, yep - my clorox wipes lol I dunno, if I dont watch him, he is gonna start drinking out of my M&M cup I have. And that would be totally unacceptable =)

Saturday, August 8, 2009

Vacation in Deadwood

Ya know, vacation in Sturgis, SD almost every year in August is generally always something I look forward to - despite it being Harley Rally week. Altho, there are always places there that we make sure we go to that makes the trip worthwhile for me - which are Bear Country USA and Mostly Chocolates. The rest of the time, I *try* to be the ultimate biker chick, but usually fail miserably because I am somewhat of a priss. My husband loves to stay in a historic hotel in Deadwood, SD while we are there - and 'historic' generally means 'we have done as little renovation as possible in order to make a profit'. At least in Deadwood, SD this is true....

Last year we were in a fairly big room - altho the shower barely sprayed you clean, there was only one mirror which was forever fogged up even when someone wasnt showering (and you didnt really wanna know what that foggy film was, and hated to ask), and there was green plush carpet that looked like it had seen better days.

This year? Our new room's shower sprayed better, but the tub drained slowly instead. The mirror was newer, but the room was overall smaller. And the carpet was the same green plush found in the other room we had.

I could've reconciled myself with these things, but there is always that one thing more sent my way - just to test me. About 6 months ago, my husband and I went down to GA - I got to visit the zoo (which has pandas - my favorite animal), and my husband picked up a new Harley. On the way back, we stopped in Nashville to spend the night and went out to get something to eat, check out the sites when we got checked into the hotel. We ate, then headed to a nearby bar - and thats where we had a couple of 'celeb' encounters. We were sitting at the bar, and a guy decked out in the ultimate country outfit came in with his entourage of gals hanging all over him. Obviously used to the attention , and obviously loving the attention - and obviously bothered by the fact that despite him sitting right next to me at the bar, I turned my back on him and ignored him the whole time. He leaves, and the bartender gal informs us that he was John Rich from the country band, 'Big & Rich'.

And what does this have to do with the room you say? Most of the rooms at this hotel have a 'name' assigned to them. Last year's room was named 'Jan Winner' (publisher of Rolling Stone magazine), and this year's?

Yup. Big & Rich.

However, what is disturbing is that this room has a Queen size bed. So if both stay there....

Anyway, maybe I said too much lol

Thursday, July 30, 2009

Ain't I Purty? =)

It is nice to be in my own little world at times, I just don't think that some people really think its nice that I am lol

Not that long ago, my husband and I were returning a car he rented from Hertz. Therefore, that meant I needed to follow him to Hertz so that he will have a ride home. Not to mention, it was almost lunch time, so we figgered we would 'kill two birds with one stone' - as the saying goes.

We had to stop by the gas station that was close to Hertz, however, in order to fill up the gas tank before we returned the car. I decide that I need to put gas in my jeep as well, which my husband decides to just take care of - so I got to sit in my jeep and wait till the transactions were completed.

I soon heard a 'sh*t, gawda*nit*' come out of my husband's mouth, and realize that the gas machine was telling him he needs to go inside and get his receipt(s). So I soon occupy myself with messing with my phone a bit, and then fussin' with my hair - deciding I needed to braid it a bit to keep me from not being bored while waiting. Cuz really..... if you don't braid your hair for even a day or so, you may not be as capable at it when you do it the next time ya know? lol

However, the way I braid my hair is a bit 'out of the norm' - I tend to grab the hair that is more directly in front of me and therefore, when the braid is completed and I look up, well... my husband says it best. I look a bit like a unicorn - as it sticks straight up and doesnt look pretty at all.

So anyway! Thats what I was doing when my husband taps on the jeep's window - which doesnt phase him much, as he is used to seeing me do that sorta thing. Altho, when I open the jeep door to get the candy bar/pop he picked up while he was in there, he remarks:

'The gas station dude thinks you are odd'.

And to which I retort:

'Nuh uh!'

But then I look up as my husband makes his way to the car he was returning and see an old man at the pump, trying to get the machine to print a receipt. However, his hand was stopped in mid air and his mouth slightly open, and he was staring at me - staring at me like braiding my hair that way was the most ODD thing he ever saw. And he was STILL staring at me as we left.

Now all I have to say is this - surely he has seen worse things then a gal who braided her hair at an odd angle right? And despite the odd angle it was in, isnt he able to truly appreciate a good braid when he sees one? lol

Sunday, July 19, 2009

Small Pond, Stupid People

I have to gripe about this - it seriously has me peeved off right now, so if ya want a happy post, well..... this may not be it lol

Our subdivision has decided to have random spots in the subdivision area that have small ponds. And really, they are not even legit ponds - they are man-made - and therefore never were a part of the landscape. More like water reservoirs...... where they dig a fairly large size hole in the ground and fill it up with water and fish.

THATS not what I have a problem with - its the people that decide they are going to friggin FISH there. WTF is wrong with people? How classy does that look? Do they friggin think that the subdivision people put that pond - and those fish - there *just* for them to walk one block down from their house and catch the fish? Why dont they just get a pistol and shoot in the pond? Why even put the work into fishing if you are going to be that F'N lazy?

AND there are signs that say 'No fishing' - is there a special added fee these people pay to their homeowners association in order to fish there? I am thinking not -I dont remember it being offered to us anyway - but maybe we look/act classier than I thought lol

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Was it Sumpin' I Said?

Never a day goes by that I do not wish I did not say or do something. And its not because I am horribly outspoken, its mostly cuz I have horrid luck.

My husband and I were at our typical Mexican restaurant establishment the other day, having our more or less typical Mexican meal we tend to order. My husband was not in a talkative mood this night tho, so I felt the need to carry on a full-blown conversation with mostly myself. However, its funny when you know someone is finally paying attention to you - as I soon found out.

Not many people were in the restaurant, but some of the few that were there were right behind us in another booth. They seemed to be a rather 'proper/polite' family - somewhat reminding me of a 'Leave it to Beaver' episode. Kids ask questions only when they need to, and only in the most appropriate manner. Parents there setting the most 'wholesome' example they could by not saying any cuss words, not being rude, or raising their voices much.

I decide to start talking more to my husband, mentioning that I was talking about his daughter at work. I had been asked how old she was when we married, and I had mentioned that she still had the dress she wore at our wedding. I remarked that she is not able to wear the dress anymore, because she has 'teenage parts' now.

I go on to say how a gal at work laughed about me saying that, and retorted:

'They are called boobies Lisa'

Well, in telling this story to my husband, the last 'boobie' comment happened to be made quite loud and at the exact moment the family behind us had a lull in conversation.

Needless to say, that lull in conversation seemed like it lasted for an eternity. However, it just seemed like it, since my husband was pointing behind me and I was aware of my ....err.....error.

But seriously, didnt even the 'Leave it to Beaver' cast say 'boobies' at some point in the show? No? Well, what da heck were they called then? Or did they just pretend they were not there? lol

Monday, July 6, 2009

Letter to Me

The other night my husband and I were watching the movie 'The Patriot', which has Heath Ledger and Mel Gibson in it. It was a typical night - one of those nights that we accomplished the eating dinner part and were sitting in front of the TV with our respective laptops surfin' the net and watching the TV. Trying to do my best in finding a show we would both like and not get the sighs and rolled eyes/glares that shows like 'Whose Wedding is it Anyway?' and 'Clean House' do - I ended up finding 'The Patriot' on TBS and settled in to watch it.

There is a part in the movie where Ledger goes off to war, but wants to write to Anne - the gal he is smitten with. Soon, you see Ledger sitting in a tent in his uniform writing one of the first letters to Anne. It talks about the war, but how he misses her and wants to see her also.

Not to let an opportunity pass me by, I sigh as loud as I can - which effectively gets my husband's attention. I then comment that I never get letters like that - and give yet another loud sigh.

My husband shakes his head and goes back to surfin the net - or so I thought. I soon get my Outlook notification saying I had an email. I open it and read:

Dear Lisa,

Thus far, the fight rages mercilessly. As long as we fight, our numbers will grow. It is my hope that my duties will bring me to your area. It is my hope that I will have the chance to write, and pray tell, see you soon.

Your obedient servant,

Chief Operating Officer


XXXXX Sante Fe Trail Drive
Suite XXX

XXXXXX, XX 77777

000-000-0000 direct
000-000-0000 office
000-000-0000 fax

Need I write more =)? Notice the work signature on the bottom? He was doing SO well up until the end lol

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Friggin' Costco

OK, I *thought* I would be able to not let this bother me - I am going for the 'new' me - the one that doesnt obsess over little things such as this. BUT....

Every F'N time I pull out my brand spankin new Costco card, the picture of me on the card makes me wanna make a special trip BACK to Costco - NOT to buy anything with the F'N card, just to get a better F'N picture of me on the card.

I have told myself that I will rarely use the card, so therefore I will not use the card much and not see the stoooopid picture of me plastered on it. I have told myself that even if I see the Costco card, it will just make me laugh and put it back in my purse without a care - without it bothering me that my picture is friggin odd.

Yes, its not that I particularly *look* bad - so to speak. Its just that I look like I F'N have fangs in the picture - I seriously should just go to Hollywood and hand them my F'N Costco card so that I can land a part on 'True Blood' and/or the 'Twilight' movies/shows.

I went there with my husband with my hair back in a ponytail, not ready to have a picture taken of me - cuz, seriously? Arent we grownup enuf now to not have to have our friggin picture on a Costco card? How about a thumbprint? How about nothing at all? How about making a gal feel like she looks 'normal' even when she comes to Costco in sloppy clothes and her hair pulled back in a ponytail?

Honestly, is it so much to ask?

OK, so I am bitter about the whole experience lol

Monday, June 1, 2009

Aggressive or Mean?

Back on 5/27, I decided to check for the latest forecast =) When I did so, I scanned ahead to see what the weather was supposed to be like in the next 10 days. On 6/2, it gave a link that said 'handling mean drivers'.

I had to stop and laugh at this, as it just sounds childish. Mean? Egads..... not all drivers who do not drive just like you are 'mean'. Some are just plain stoopid. Others are really trying their hardest, but never seem to grasp the simple concept of driving (ie. staying between the lines, staying in the slow lane if you are going the speed limit or slower, etc). And others? Others just feel like all the pavement out there is a 'racetrack' made especially for them (like....*cough* husband).

Anyway, regardless of how lame sounding a link it might have been, it *did* grab my attention and make me click on the link to find out more. The below is what I found - but I thought I would add some extra comments to it as well lol

How to deal with aggressive drivers:

Common aggressive driving behaviors
Running stop signs and red lights <<--- umm, could just be in a hurry doncha think? I have done it actually, does that make ME aggressive? lol
Speeding, tailgating, and weaving between lanes
Passing on the right of a vehicle
Making inappropriate hand and facial gestures <<-- LOL, serious? define inappropriate? what if the person knew sign language and you didnt? would that be defined as inappropriate? should you not be able to sign as well as text when you drive?
Screaming, honking the horn, and flashing headlights <<-- heck, I have screamed - I admit it. But the windows are rolled up and no one hears me, so who da heck does it bother? lol

If you are confronted by an aggressive driver, or witness aggressive driving behavior, follow these guidelines:
Make every attempt to safely move out of the aggressive driver's way.
Do not challenge an aggressive driver by speeding up or attempting to "hold your own" in the travel lane.
<<-- Uh huh. Yeah. Sure.
Always wear your seat belt -- not only will it hold you in your seat and behind the wheel in case you need to make an abrupt driving maneuver, but it will also protect you in a crash. <<-- I actually agree with this, seatbelts are friggin AWESOME. They may seem like a pain to remember to use, but REALLY worth it.
Avoid eye contact with the aggressive driver.
Ignore gestures, and refuse to return them. <<-- Hmm......OK.......BUT......what if it makes ME feel better? lol
Report aggressive drivers to the appropriate authorities by providing a vehicle description, license number, location, and if possible, direction of travel.
If you have a cellular phone, and can use it while driving safely, call the police. Many have special numbers such as 9-1-1.
If an aggressive driver is involved in a crash farther down the road, stop at a safe distance from the crash scene, wait for the police to arrive, and report the driving behavior that you witnessed. <<-- ok, talking of 'mean; this IS friggin mean lol Why doncha be the 'better' person and call the ambulance/cops? Am sure they are gonna ask ya anyway, and really - sometimes people do jus f*ck up ya know?

Source: National Highway Traffic Safety Administration

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

This One Time @ An Offspring Concert

Someday I am gonna look back on this event and be happy that I have something to remember it by - instead of having it be just like any other concert my husband and I have attended.


My husband & I took his daughter, a friend of hers - and then met up with a friend of mine at City Market in KC this last Friday. I was pretty darn excited, as I love 'The Offspring', and its nice to start Memorial Day weekend with sumpin as kewl as that ya know?

Altho, I ended up being anything BUT kewl at the concert. Surrounded by guys/gals with ear plugs, numerous body piercings, a bunch of tattoos and a wide array of hair color - I was one of the very few who looked 'normal'. We had actually managed to get pretty close to the stage for the main act (Offspring) and I was standing there getting more and more impatient by the minute.

Perhaps thats why I did not think when my husband - who suddenly had a beach ball in his hand - told me to hit the ball. This ball had been everywhere already, and it looked like it finally had gotten to me. So I smacked the ball......

Right up front. Right by the security guard. Right by the barricade.

Instantly, I heard at least 1/4 of the crowd 'BOO' me. My husband's daughter and her friend turn around to look at me, laughing. I turn around and look at my husband, who is doubled over in laughter.


So what does a person do in that situation? I was at a loss - not sure whether to be embarrassed, pissed off or apologize. Seriously, am I the only one who has EVER done something like that?

Wait - dont answer that lol

Sunday, May 17, 2009

Some Things You Don't Wanna Know

The other day I decided to sing a random 80's song while in the truck going somewhere with my husband. Problem with me singing most songs is that I usually only know a couple of lyric lines, so in order to make the most of the 2 lines I do know, I tend to sing them over ..... and over... and over =)

This particular song, I decided to be a little more 'dramatic' with my singing, so my vocal range was quite extraordinary. Needless to say, this got my husband looking at me like I was a bit odd. Just when I thought he was doing extremely good not saying anything about my choice of song & my ability to only memorize 2 lines of most songs, he starts laughing.

I was not ready for this reaction at all, which made me pause and ask why he was laughing. He explains that my singing reminded him of a Nascar commercial he had seen. And me, not *quite* sure that I wanted to know why it did, but too curious *not* to ask why - asked why.

He tells me that the commercial is for Carl Edwards, and that they are suggesting 'signature moves' he can do (as Carl is known for his backflips). My singing apparently reminded him of the 'Wounded Unicorn' move.

Is it just me, or is that not really a compliment? lol

Monday, May 11, 2009


I am *really* getting tired of the ants we have coming into our house. I do believe they are morphing into 'super ant' mode - as it takes a lot to kill them. Not to mention, they must've all developed brains, as their survival skills involve tactics that most insects would not have considered. For the most part, they are all in the kitchen sink and/or counter when I do find them - so I am happy that the kitchen cabinets have managed to do their job in keeping them away. But everytime I go to smash an ant, it takes me several tries because they have started working out or sumpin' and sprint away from the paper towel I usually find acceptable to smash them with. And on multiple occasions, I will raise the paper towel to find the ant motionless on the counter, only to have it take off again unharmed. What da friggin heck happened that a 5 '6'' person is unable to smash a teeny tiny ant? The F'N ant *should* have died darnit! So needless to say alot of times, I try the drowning technique - which usually works, altho I think they all have now decided all members of the ant colony need to take swimming lessons because that doesnt seem to kill them either *uggh*

To add insult to injury, these ants have gotten to be picky eaters. There was a plate that used to have nachos on it earlier in the day not long ago that they ALL bypassed in order to go get the tiny crumb of something better a little further down on the counter. Altho, I could use that to my advantage *evil laugh* I will bake a cake - leave a piece of it out on the counter to have all ants fight over. Either they will get grumpy with another and hostile and kill each other over the delicious cake they scored, or they will eat so much they will feel ill - which will slow them down and enable me to kill them quicker =)

I AM disappointed in my youngest dog tho. She eats June Bugs. She eats rotted leaves. She gnaws on plastic blinds. BUT somehow she doesnt seem to think that maybe she could be useful and eat the ants for me.

Or maybe she is smarter than me and knows that killing ants is a friggin waste of time lol

Sunday, May 3, 2009

How to Strike Fear in the Eyes of Your Husband

  1. Comment that you want to plant some flowers. Endure the remarks that you will kill anything you plant.
  2. Make a trip to Home Depot not long after comment and see gladiola bulbs. Endure another comment by husband about how you will kill them. Decide to get them anyway - despite the sighing and rolled eyes husband gives you.
  3. Plant gladiola bulbs. While waiting for bulbs to grow, endure comments that you probably planted the bulbs upside down and that you have killed them already.
  4. Notice that 2-3 weeks later that gladiola bulbs ARE indeed growing. Get really excited, make numerous comments of your own that they are growing. Show husband the area you planted them in order to give him proof that you do not kill ALL green things.
  5. Mow lawn several weeks later. Have husband weed eat/trim while doing so. Finish mowing front yard and stop to pull any weeds that are amongst your gladiolas - notice that one of the gladiolas looks like a rabbit had munched on it.
  6. Look at husband weed eating/trimming. Look at gladiola. Think to yourself that you have never heard of anyone say rabbits got ahold of their gladiolas. Look back at husband weed eating/trimming. Decide it was husband's fault that the gladiola ain't looking so great.
  7. Stop what you are doing. Go get husband and bring him back to the gladiola area. Point to shredded gladiola. Firmly tell your husband that WAS a gladiola.
  8. Have husband's eyes get big - have husband curse and defend himself by saying he thought it was a weed. Have husband hurriedly go back to weed-eating/trimming.

Thursday, April 30, 2009

Sometimes it Takes Balls to be a Woman

It is now almost 12:30 AM and I *really* should be in bed. Instead, my husband is busy downloading music from iTunes and I have managed to stay awake while he is doing so while perusing the internet world. Altho, hearing songs such as 'Sometimes it Takes Balls to be a Woman' blaring from the speakers is enuf to help a gal stay awake. At first you think you misunderstood the words, but when you look at your husband and he is grinning, it is obvious you heard exactly right. Courtesy of 'Outlaw Country' on Sirius Radio, my husband was introduced to a singer named Elizabeth Cook - who lends her vocal abilities to this song. Honestly, the song itself is pretty good - but if you ever get bored and wanna google the video for it, you may be a bit disturbed.

But anyway, thats all I gotta say about that =)

In other news, I have found a way to bother people at work without being blatantly obvious about it. It seems that the people at work have become fond of the geese that have considered our office area their home. I find this a bit ironic, as two of these geese ended up pairing off and parking their featherey behinds RIGHT by the door to get into the office. This would have been fine if the geese had been the sort of geese to honk a happy greeting our way as we went by, but they ended up being the kind that decided hissing and running after the people was the better course of action. And at the beginning, I was rootin' for these geese, as it prevented the smokers from standing right in front of the door. However, after feeding them some bread an being rewarded by having them try to attack me still, I decided they were on their own.

So fast forward a bit, the geese eventually have a good reason to be defensive, because there is now an egg/nest by the door. People are wanting something done about the geese, but the fact that these are Canadian Geese present a problem - they are protected by law and you need a permit to have them removed. So..... geese and my coworkers adjust to their living conditions, and everyone seems to adapting fairly well. One day tho, the male was not there - and the next day, the female and egg was gone as well.

So this had everyone a bit worried, despite their initial grumpiness towards the geese, they seemed to genuinely care what had happened to them. So I casually mention the first day they talked about it that I had seen a fox in the area. They talked about the geese disappearing the next day, and I remarked that I had seen a fox in the area the other day. The third day comes and they again are wondering where the geese are. And yet again, I inform them I had seen a fox in the area the other day. One of my coworkers had enuf and said:

"We get it Lisa, you saw a fox. STOP talking about it."

In my defense tho, I DID see a fox in the area lol

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Dog Spam

I got a spam email this morning that had the subject heading ‘Is your dog lucky?’ First reaction was, duhhhh! Of course they BOTH are and went to hit the delete button. Then I started thinking about how my youngest one has been pretty darn lucky lately. In fact, she is fairly lucky overall, but for the sake of this blog post, I will name just two instances of her luck =)

The first one that comes to mind was a couple of days ago when I was reaching into the freezer to get some ice for a drink I was having. Generally, my husband and I use the ice machine on our fridge and the dogs *love* to come running when they hear it, as we let a few small pieces of ice hit the floor for them to have. The other day, tho, I was in the mood for the ice cubes – not the crushed parts of them – in my drink, but the youngest one decided she wanted to be in on the action anyway. I thought the pieces were too big (if you have seen her, she is a SMALL dog, only 6 lbs) for her to munch on, so I was trying not to drop any on the floor – but of course, I still do. She is there in an instant, grabbing up the ice cube and taking off with it to the living room. I follow her, as I thought she did not need such a big piece of ice, and she rolls over and clamps her mouth shut in an effort to keep me from taking it from her. However, I am an expert at prying her mouth open by now =) So I got it open and realized since the ice cube was so cold and she had it against her tongue for a bit, the ice cube had started to freeze to her tongue. I had to gently pull on it to get it off her tongue and out of her mouth, at which point I checked out her tongue to make sure it was ok. Once satisfied she was ok, she takes off in search of other things, totally oblivious that her life could’ve been a bit uncomfortable for awhile had she not been so lucky.

The second was a day or so before that, as I was checking in our hall closet for something. Both the dogs have a habit of following me about the house, but the youngest is worse. I had looked in the closet and couldn’t find what I was looking for, and was about to close the door when I saw something brown flash before me IN the closet. I scream and Sadie, the youngest pup, peeks out from behind one of the shoes like she was wondering what the fuss was all about =) She was quite lucky I did not spaz more and lock her in there as I ran off and close the door!

Well, anyway! That’s a few stories of Sadie, who in her own little way, has managed to be a bright spot in my life since Karma passed away a year ago. There is a lot of Karma I see in her – but she is still her ‘own’ dog ya know? Life goes on and she has helped immensely to make me realize it can still be a good life =)

Saturday, April 18, 2009

Car Wash Gripe

I went to wash my jeep yesterday & was reminded why some lunch hours are best spent either snoozing inside my jeep and/or reading a good book inside my jeep - instead of trying to be super uber productive and get stuff done.

I thought I would splurge and spend the 75 cents to sweep out the inside the jeep - even tho I *could* have waited until I got home and used our sweeper. The 75 cents only got me 3/4 of the way thru my jeep before it stopped - which, I guess in their defense - maybe a whole dollar's worth woulda got me there (since 75 cents is 3/4 of a dollar ya know? lol). I decide to wash the jeep next, as I did not want to break my $5 bill in quarters in order to have enuf quarters to run the sweeper again.

Soo......I was washing my jeep..... and manage to do so without anything going wrong. It was after I washed the jeep that everything went downhill....

I pull out and decide that I am REALLY gonna splurge and break my $5 bill and sweep out my jeep again. Not only will I sweep it out, but I will buy one of their cleaning sponges to clean inside as well. Impressed?

Don't be lol

I park by a sweeper, grab the $5 bill and run to the change machine on the opposite side of the car wash. I put my $5 bill in - I hear it *clink* 5 times for each dollar's worth of quarters - and then - NOTHING. No friggin quarters were spit out and needless to say, I was frustrated and hit the 'Gimme my change back damnit' button. STILL nothing *sigh*

It just so happened that one of the car wash personnel guys were not too far away. Normally, I wouldve let it go, deciding it was not worth it and leave. But it was not just one dollar - it was 5 friggin dollars. So I walk over to the guy and say:

"The machine took my $5 bill - it acted like it was gonna give me my money but it didn't".

Wordlessly, the guy goes to the other machine by it, sticks a $5 bill in from his pocket, steps back and says:

"There you go. It was *that* machine?" and he points to the one I used as I nod yes.

I say thank you, take the quarters and then go to the machine to get a sponge to clean the inside of my jeep. It takes me some time to realize where the sponge gets dropped at after the machine determines you gave it the appropriate amount of money, but I found the darn sponge and ran back to my jeep to start cleaning.

I managed to get thru sweeping it the second time and am about halfway thru cleaning the inside with a sponge when the guy walks back to me and asks:

"You said it was the machine on the left?", and as I say yes, he answers:

"Well, that machine does not show its short $5. The other machine does not either."

He then looks at me like I friggin stole the $5 dollars. I retell my story from before, and he repeats that he is not short $5 dollars. I sit there, not knowing what the heck he wants ME to do about it. I finally say:

"Well, I dunno what happened - I can give you back the money I have left if you want"

He said no, he was just trying to figger out what happened. F'N too dude! But it is YOUR car wash place, not mine. And I do NOT rip off older dude's at car washes in an effort to clean my darn jeep. Seriously? Did he expect me to say that yes..... I AM the famous car wash burgler. You are a friggin genius dude for catching me. Put me in handcuffs. Take me away!?

Grrrr!! And if he wasnt accusing me, why was he acting like it? And if he was just trying to figger things out, why was he asking ME? Do I look like I know what makes their F'N machines not F'N work?

The recession must be worse than I thought is all I got to say....

Tuesday, April 14, 2009


Yesterday was not that great - yesterday was a day full of frustration, curse words and a bunch of things just plain not going as planned. Today is better - altho tonite has been exceptional, mostly due to my ability to consume a Starbuck's double shot on ice, a 16 ounce energy drink and 2 pieces of Ghiradellis with caramel.

Thank goodness for stimulants such as these, as I am not sure how I would get thru some things without them. My masseuse does not find my remarkable ability to consume said products remarkable at all tho - she actually made the comment that perhaps I should *not* consume energy drinks. Can ya'all believe that? I mean, how can a gal relax during her massage if she is all peeved off at her masseuse beforehand for suggesting such craziness? lol

Well anyway...... she did mention the many benefits of lemon balm when I told her I bought some. I was informed you can buy lemon balm and plant it in your yard. I was also informed that even people who kill plants on a daily basis such as myself can keep these plants alive - they are very easy to grow. Methinks I may get some and purposely try to kill them just to prove her wrong.

Yes, I am very immature....

Lemon balm is supposed to relax ya tho, which is why it was brought up. Not sure why - I dont think I was blinking excessively from the energy drink I had before I got there. Maybe I was staring too much? Maybe I wasnt staring enuf? lol

Maybe I should quit typing this blog post when its obvious I am a little too buzzed from caffeine? =)

Friday, April 10, 2009

Farewell Dear Keds

I have been neglecting this blog lately *Lisa looks ashamed of herself* Life has just been too hectic, and lil ole moi has been too lazy to do anything about it when she does have the free time. Not to mention, I have been out of sorts the last few days - partly cuz my husband and I just got back not long ago from Vegas and the time change seems to have really messed me up.

I know, I know..... mwaaa.... boo hooo.... sniffle..... is what ya'all are thinking right? Oh well, *I* feel sorry for myself. And that feeling sorry for myself can largely make up for ya'all for *not* feeling sorry for me lol

I do want to dedicate this blog post to my Ked tennis shoes that are about to depart me, tho. They have been thru all sorts of weather, moods of mine and just plain ole physical wear and tear. The latter is probably is a little more harsh since I am not very good about keeping clothes, shoes and such clean and/or free of impending doom. Shirts have stains - pants have bleach spots - and shoes?

Shoes lose their soles.....

Uh huh..... yes ya'all! My latest pair of Keds decided they had enuf the other day and the bottom of the shoe just came apart. Super glue did an amazing repair job (Lisa makes a mental note to email Super Glue manufacturer and commend them on making a product with unbelievable abilities to make ANYTHING stick together), BUT even Super Glue could not fend off the inevitable.

I was in the airport at Vegas, got to my gate, sat down, got out my laptop and my shoe gave way again. It did its best to get me back home and since then has remained inactive, waiting for me 'let go' and its preparing itself for shoe heaven.

Yes, I said shoe heaven...... and yes, I have had WAY too much energy drink today lol

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Too Close to Call

Being St Patrick's Day, one would assume there would be good luck floating about galore - and if any good luck was running low, Mr Leprechaun would send some more down to earth (just cuz he is so darn happy he found a pot of gold and all). Howwwevverrr, if you thought that, you would be wrong. Maybe there is alot of good luck dust floating around in the air, but lil ole moi is either not getting any of it or I melt it to smithereens with my body - since it eeks of bad luck obviously. The good luck dust melts away like a snowflake, and I am left with utter frustration. I am *not* being dramatic (ok, well maybe a little), but I am serious that this day has been a frustrating one. Let me give you all a few examples:

UNCOOL: Waking up at 8 A, when you have to be at work AT 8 AM. Not finding your purse, which has the cell phone that was supposed to wake your lame a$$ up, find said purse in vehicle after running outside in PJs with serious bed head.
COOL: Calling in to tell your supervisor you *just* woke up and that you would be late and have her laugh and say, 'ok, we will see when you get here dear'.

UNCOOL: Driving into work and having a minivan go the EXACT SAME SPEED in the fast lane as the truck in the slow lane was and making it impossible to get around and down the road.
COOL: Noticing said truck had a sign that asked 'How am I driving'? Which makes me think to myself, 'pretty good, altho the guy next to you is bein' a dumba$$' - which therefore manages to amuse me until I *can* get around them.

UNCOOL: Printing off 15 page case anaylises for my Business Law class (err, EACH - making a the total amount of trees I killed in the process enuf to make me ashamed). Only to find out when I got home that there was a synopsis for each case in my textbook all along.
COOL: Noticing the teacher has given me all my points on my last 2 case anaylses homework assignments.

UNCOOL: Going to Beauty Brands to get some cosmetic stuff. Husband comes into store from shopping at AT&T and I decide I better try out the 'Happy Heart' massager I was thinking about buying. Ask husband to come here, wanna try something and ask him to turn around. Bring hand up and promptly fling massager past my husband and onto the floor a few feet away.
COOL: Managed not to break massager and did end up buying it and also managed to get husband to give me a short massage with it tonight.

UNCOOL: Going to Legends area to go to the Irish place we thought was still there to eat - see that its called something really uncool like 'Grannies sumpin or da other'. Head somewhere else, husband gets work phone call which takes FOREVERRR. Head to Mexican place where husband asks to have us put in the 'fun' area. We are sat by the window (which is open), and are barely able to see the menus cuz of the glaring sun. Waiter is slow to take our orders, and then seems VERY anxious to clear our table once he finally does. Either he is trying to give us a hint, or he was previously cleaning tables and old habits die hard.
COOL: I did have a very yummy eroticolada drink that helped me not sweat so much - despite the glaring sun.

OK, I am done.....better start on that Business Law assignment and squeeze in some time for drawing, so that the trees didnt have to die for nothing lol

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Moments Like This

From: ME [] Sent: Tuesday, March 10, 2009 6:59 PM
Subject: RE: Stupid Laws of the week

In Florida:

• Women may be fined for falling asleep under a hair dryer, as can the salon owner.
• Men may not be seen publicly in any kind of strapless gown.

Just thought you might like to know – especially the last one lol

From: HUSBAND [] Sent: Tuesday, March 10, 2009 8:29 PM
To: ME
Subject: RE: Stupid Laws of the week

Um…. Thanks for sharing. I’ll limit my strapless gown wearing to the other 49 States. =)

From: ME [] Sent: Tuesday, March 10, 2009 8:31 PM
Subject: RE: Stupid Laws of the week

You can always wear gowns with poofy sleeves in Florida instead lol

Sunday, March 8, 2009


Have you ever wondered about Smurfette? Have you ever cared? lol Am I showing my age? =) As I was growing up, we only had about 3 channels on our TV to choose from for cartoons on a Saturday morning, and one of those had the Smurfs on them. I grew up admiring Smurfette's bravery - cuz what gal would want to be surrounded by a gadzillion guys? OK, scratch the floozy gals, I am talking about any 'normal' gal. Altho, make it duly noted that Smurfette wasnt 'normal', as her skin was colored blue and all.....

I did Wikipedia Smurfette, and have decided that Wikipedia is now my new best friend instead of Google - as I got LOTS of info on Smurfette =) I was a little insulted to learn Smurfette was initially created to cause trouble amongst the Smurfs, altho it makes us women seem quite powerful I guess. I honestly wonder how messed up on drugs someone would have to be to create little (not more than 3 apples tall according to Wikipedia lol) blue dudes with tails and white pointy hats who run around in an unnamed forest. I have never done drugs, altho I *have* gotten quite drunk a few times - but never do I see blue dudes.

Altho, I guess I barely see the sidewalk when I am walking down it drunk either lol

Thursday, February 19, 2009

The Price of Looking Beautiful

It seems that not everything I make a comment on at work is ignored - altho I sometimes think that maybe it would be better if it had been ignored. Like today..... I have had some issues with eyeliner lately and made the comment that I am thinking I should get it tattooed on my eyes so that I do not have to worry about it anymore. The first eyeliner smeared everywhere at the slightest touch & the second eyeliner would not smear, but I would have to rub my eyes raw before it came off. Not to mention the fact that that if it got on my eyelashes, there seemed to be no way to get it off except plucking my eyelashes out - whether by purpose or the 'oh sh*t' I didnt mean for that to happen sorta thing. Anyway, my comment promptly got the attention of one of my coworkers and she proceeded to tell me how BAD of an idea it was to tattoo it on me. It apparantly concerned her so much that she googled it and clicked past the 'do not view this during working hours warning box' to go to a page that had a BUNCH of people saying what all of the cons are (some sorta Yahoo page I think).

I told her Rosanne Barr had it done, which I realize is not a raging endorsement of any kind, but.... I do not seem to remember pictures of her eyes looking funky. Just the rest of her lol

Well, anyway.... back to eyeliner....

My coworker thought I should try other brands of eyeliner before I made such a rash decision. I acknowledged the rationale in this line of thought and made another comment about seeing what brand of eyeliner I did have. This comment also got me in trouble, as apparantly I am not carrying any sort of brand with me, its one of the cheapest eyeliners you can buy I guess (in my defense, with a name called Wet & Wild on the bottle, how was I supposed to know? lol).

Therefore, I was promptly embarassed by my ability to be cheap on something as critical as makeup to put on my face. So that was a mission tonight - I bought the most (err.... one of the most) expensive eyeliners at .....umm.... Target I could find.

So wish me luck ya'all! Otherwise I may be that friend you dont wanna invite out anywhere cuz I do not have eyelashes and red poofy eyes and look like I did too much meth or sumpin.

Not that I know what meth does to ya lol

Friday, February 6, 2009

A Trip to Home Depot

Once upon a time at a Home Depot, a husband and wife head out to look at hardwood to redo their living room floor with. They stop at a local Mexican restaurant to eat a decent supper, despite how abnormally low the booths were that they had to sit in. They ignored the slow-ish service and the fact that their pants were cutting into their tummys cuz of the odd angle they were sitting and finished their supper and headed out to the car to go to Home Depot to look at the hardwoods.

Once there, they spend many minutes going back and forth between several different kinds of hardwoods in order to decide which one they liked the best. For some reason, Home Depot decides to seperate their choice of hardwoods to buy into two different sections of the store, so husband and wife get a workout making the treks back and forth.

Finally a decision was made and husband and wife were standing at the checkout counter waiting to sign their life away in order to get hardwood put in their house. The checkout gal had to go....err....checkout something....and left husband and wife at the counter waiting. This provided the wife with an opportunity to lean against the counter, stretch out her back that was cramping up from standing so long and take a good look at her husband.

The first thing she notices is that he has decided to start working on a 'soul' patch on his face. Wife comments on this new look, to which he replied:

"Well, I am surprised you would notice that and not my sideburns."

Wife takes another good look and starts laughing at the groovy sideburns her husband now has. These are not normal sideburns, these are sideburns that you would find on someone that is badly wanting to look like a redneck. They start from the ear area and go all the way down to his neck - kinda getting slightly wider as they get further down the neck.

And now the wife can not notice anything else BUT these friggin sideburns that her husband worked so hard on. She now spends her days planning ways to get him to either shave it off or find ways she can shave it off for him. She no longer looks at her husbands beautiful blue eyes when she looks at his face, but instead just sees a scrabbly mass of brownish sideburns that seem to overwhelm his face more every time she looks at him.

She has addressed this issue with her husband, only to have him retort:

"I have just three words for you. FRENCH SILK PIE."

Sunday, February 1, 2009

French Silk Pie

My day has been dominated by French Silk Pie. Not eating it..... but hearing about it. Over and over and over again.....

This morning, one of the first things I accomplished as soon as I got dressed and showered for the day was throwing the last piece of French Silk Pie down the garbage disposal. This was not the only thing to meet its demise in the garbage disposal, but it appears its the only thing that appeared to be important to my husband. Once he comes into the kitchen and helps out by starting dishes, he casually asks:

"Did you throw the pasta away?""

"Yeah" I reply, "Along with the last piece of French Silk Pie & some leftover mashed potatoes."

A once productive husband that was helping his wife out doing dishes suddenly stops washing the dish he is on, turns around with an incredulous look on his face and says:

"WHAT?? Please tell me you really ate the last piece of French Silk Pie."

Ummmm....... needless to say, I had to tell him that I had indeed threw it down the garbage disposal, which I have not heard the end of today. If I mentioned he looked flushed, he said it was because he was still upset about the French Silk Pie. If mentioned someone else looked happy, he would reply that they probably didnt have someone throw their French Silk Pie down the garbage disposal.

So on the way back home after our errands and such today, we were discussing French Silk Pie again for about the 10th time, when I made a mention that he could go to the store and BUY a friggin piece of French Silk Pie if it bothers him so much. He replies that it is very rare to see French Silk Pie sold by the slice at the store, and says that we are headed to the grocery store so he can show me just how right he is. I, of course, am in no mood to go to the store and stand in front of the bakery counter and have him sigh. But that *is* what happened, only with an "I told you so" attached to it.

However, we do not dwell on it (errrr, too much) and move on to other things we need while we are there and head to check out line. We are in the check out lane for a total of 1 minute before someone else is behind us. We both look back at the same time and notice the guy has stacked about 3-4 pies on the conveyer belt.

I look at my husband. He looks at me. We both about loose it - but my husband turns around and tells the guy that he can put the divider behind the pies and we will buy the pies, it would not be a problem at all for us to do so. The guy laughs and says something about us regretting it once all the calories hit our stomachs. My husband laughs also and says, nahh.... thats ok.... its kinda a long story between my wife and I. To which I pipe up and say:

"No, not really. Just a pretty short story repeated MANY times".

So anyway! We make it out of the store, get in the truck and I tell my husband that I have decided that God is taking his side on this French Silk Pie deal. Seriously, lets think about it..... it was the Super Bowl today. Anyone in the grocery store *should* be buying chicken wings, hamburger, steaks, chips, salsa, beer..... ANYTHING else but friggin PIE.

Even the simple lessons in life are really rubbed in my face I tell ya lol

Saturday, January 31, 2009

New Technology

I am not ready for new technology, my brain is just not capable of making so many changes at once. I am a little overwhelmed with my college classes, so my new laptop is stressing me out trying to get everything on it that was on my old one. PLUS figgerin' out where all my programs are, how hard to click, what to touch and not touch..... its just been all one big hassle. I truly have not had time to actually *enjoy* having a new laptop.

And on top of that, I decided that I was gonna make the leap from an iPhone to a Windows Mobile/HTC phone that enables me to look at word docs (for my college classes) and do all sorts of more grown up things that the iPhone never was capable of letting me do. However, that has also been a problem. From the start, my new phone has been a pain in the a$$. I got it while on our trip to FL, and it has went downhill ever since then.

First time I used it I could not even connect to the internet on it. My husband is sweet enuf to give customer service a call to find out whats wrong. He tells her that he does not think my iPhone internet package was switched to the HTC package. The gal argues with him on it, even tho what she had initially read off on the account was *exactly* what my husband says. And after she decides he needs to get off the phone to call him back on his cell to fix MY cell, she ends up calling my cell #, says sorry when my husband informs her of this, laughs and calls back on the right phone. MANY minutes later, MANY tries later, she decides its the SIM card and we need to go back to the store and swap it out. ONLY to find out at the store that it was the internet package after swapping out the phone, thinking it must be the phone cuz the old one did not work any better with a new SIM card.

Anyway! Fast forward to the drive home and on to yesterday......I tried to get my voicemail set up and it did not recognize the number. My husband tries calling and the 'help' line is closed already. I call the next day and find out that the voicemail feature was never switched either *arggh* So that got fixed..... and I was on to figgering out how to switch the background picture of a dude that I accidently put on it. I spent DAYS messing with it - I seriously was getting pissed, as its really uncool to have a friggin DUDE's silhouette for the background on my cell phone. It should be a women's/gal's silhouette at least for my phone - I am friggin female after all. My husband looks at my cell phone last night and 10 minutes later has it fixed. Soooo.... ya see..... I am not sure I am mentally capable of owning a Windows Mobile phone.

Altho, with the way my brain goes in stages from loosing it not not remembering a single friggin thing lately, I am not sure I am mentally capable of anything lately *sigh*

OK, am done griping..... sorry ya'all..... am in a funk, and figgered who better to understand than ya'all? =)

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Yes Ma'am

I have to say, I am getting tired of being called Ma'am. I am only 34 years old, it isnt time to be called Ma'am is it? My husband says its just being polite, but.... to have an employee at an Arby's drive thru and then another employee at a Walgreen's pharmacy call me Ma'am just the other afternoon was just a bit too much. And every time I go to a restaurant, I am called Ma'am also. I am no longer asked to show my ID in order to get an alcoholic beverage. When once upon a time I used to be peeved that I got carded for everything, now I am peeved they think I look old enuf not to be carded.

Why don't people call me Miss instead of Ma'am? Thats just as polite right? Or just use something to get your attention like - Excuse me? Or ..... here is your espinaca you ordered, would you like anything else with that?

See? No Ma'am needed..... no addressing my age at all for that matter. Just simple and right to the point. And everyone ends up happy..


Saturday, January 17, 2009

Blabbin' About Dawgz

Well, its just me and the dogs so far this weekend! Husband is out of town for work and his daughter has better things to do then to hang out with me *sniffle* lol I don't blame her really, if I was her age again, I would think it would be more fun to hang out with my friends =)

'Sides, I *do* have Accounting homework to get caught up on & a house to clean - yay me huh? lol And I am teaching the dogs useful tricks to know, like the little one knows how to 'dance' now & the older one is on her way to knowing how to 'Hi-5'. Ya know, those sorts of tricks just might come in handy someday. Like when we move out to the country, a coyote may think the younger one looks mighty tasty. All the younger one has to do is twirl around a few times and the coyote will be momentarily distracted - at which point, the younger one can run away and/or hide lol

In other dog related news, my husband has managed to dub our dogs Duck (older one) and Tater (younger one). For some reason, they will not respond to me when I call them that, tho. They will listen to my husband and his daughter and not me *Lisa looks insulted*

Is it the tone of my voice? Do I not sound genuine - like I am really talking to them? Do they think I am just talking about food? What the heck am I doin' wrong? lol

Saturday, January 10, 2009

Yesterday's Lunch Hour

Yesterday I had quite the lunch hour - a young guy decided he was gonna try to mess with me while driving back to work from dropping off lunch for my husband who was at home not feeling well. I am right behind the guy trying to turn onto Shawnee Mission Parkway and he stops in the middle of the turn. I get pissed, but then he decides to go just in time for me to be able to safely make it through the light also. I don't think too much about it after that, as I was trying to enter my work's name into my new GPS unit to see if it would find it before I started speeding up too much. The guy is right in front of me and slows WAY down. So I quit concentrating on my GPS and decide I had had enough of the guy and speed up to get down the road.

However, the guy now decides to speed up as well, and is *right* on my bumper. I slow down, he slows down. I speed up, switch lanes..... he speeds up and switches lanes.... and STILL stays on my bumper.

I am really pissed off by now and pull off on the Lackman exit, and what do you know? He friggin does too! I pull up to the light at Lackman and flip him off. I then pull to the merge lane to get back on to Shawnee Mission Parkway and he follows me, so I decide to pull over and stop - hoping that he will go by and get back on Shawnee Mission Parkway. He stops right behind me....

So I speed up, get back on Shawnee Mission Parkway - all the meanwhile having him following RIGHT behind me no matter which lane I am in or what speed I am going. I make a big deal of holding my cell phone to my head and acting like I was calling 911. He starts hanging back a bit for a few minutes, and then starts speeding up again. I pull onto Quivira to go to the Police Station and take the wrong entrance, which is right beside the Police Station - where an old Hen House used to be I believe. He pulls in right behind me.....

I roll down my window and tell him: "Leave me the f*ck ALONE!".

He smiles, leans out his window and asks: "What??"

Frustrated, upset and pissed off, I turn my jeep around in the parking lot and start to head out to Shawnee Mission Parkway again. He squeels his tires on his black Honda Accord and follows me...

I call my husband and he tells me to go to the Police Station, which I told him I was just *kinda* at, but.... I head to Merriam's police station, all the while having him follow me. I turn into the parking lot of Merriam Police Station and park. He drives by slowly...... then I see him drive by the opposite way slowly. I wait a minute or so and take Johnson Drive the rest of the way to work.

Luckily, I managed to get rid of him - I never saw him after that. BUT I am still pissed about it. You do not friggin mess around with people on the road like that! And dont you think he has better things to do?

Ughhh.... anyway..... I need to get ready for the day and today's lunch. It should go better than yesterdays since my husband will be with me and people know better than to mess with him lol

Friday, January 2, 2009

If At First You Don't Succeed

Well, I am not very happy with my socks I knitted. I decided to wear them today to work & was constantly annoyed by how they fit the whole day =/ I think I am the only person who can knit a pair of socks that are slightly too big, put them in hot water to wash them, and have them not friggin shrink, but get BIGGER! *uuggh* So there is an extra 1/2 inch at the toe area. Not only that, the heel is all funky - it does not lay down at all, but instead is all 'poochey' looking (for lack of better word). In addition, I wore big/clunky shoes to work today, so combining them with ill fitting socks did not make Lisa Marie happy.

MUST make better fitting socks for self during 2009!!

Thursday, January 1, 2009

A BEE-autiful Day

I was eating some sorbet made by Haagen-Daz the other day and noticed that they advertised 'help the honeybees' on the container. Not one to go 'hmmm, really"' and let it go, I decided to start to investigate - as I had never heard the honeybees were needing my help. Seriously, how do you know that its really not the bees fault that Haagen-Daz charges so much for their product? It could be that Haagen-Daz just has bad business practices and wants to blame it on the poor honeybees who bust their butts everyday to provide us with sorbet-goodness =)

So off I went to check out the website they provided ( I found out that the honeybees are starting to leave their hive and die, and no one is really sure why. They are calling this trend CDD (Colony Collapse Disorder) - I know, I know, they are friggin geniuses huh? lol I am thinking there could be one of several things going on here:

#1 The honeybees are just getting plain lazy and need to be reminded that they need to work for a living. Running away from home does not solve their problems.

#2 The honeybees are pissed off that humans have interfered with where they make their home at, and have decided they are gonna go off and start their own homes where they can have more say-so.

#3 The honeybees are not happy that they have to be the 'guineapigs' for humans. An example is an article I found where they give honeybees cocaine and see how they react before, during and after they give them the cocaine in order to find out how to help humans who are addicted to cocaine. Am thinking when they are in withdrawal stage, they get depressed and decide they do not wanna live anymore, so they fly away and die *sniffle* And by the way, if you think I am making this up, check out this link - =)

My point in this? I feel sorry for the honeybees..... dont you all? lol