Friday, July 23, 2010

A Plan

Once upon a time, not so very long ago, a husband and wife arrive home. The wife decides to get her husband's attention by remaining in the vehicle – since they had previously disagreed on a particular subject matter. Despite her husband staring intently through the window at her, and her husband's audible sigh and obvious roll of the eyes, she stays in the vehicle determined to get her husband's attention. However, husband decides that the need to use the bathroom facilities indoors outweighs figuring out what is going on with his wife - and he heads indoors.

Wife thinks that she will stay put. She has a point to make with her husband and will not be deterred in doing so. However, she soon realizes how foolish this is when 5 minutes go by and she is still sitting in the vehicle with its windows rolled up and the sun blazing hot outside - making the temperature at least in the upper 90s.

Wife begins to rethink her strategy. She wants to do something that will impact her husband and make her happy at the same time. As the sun continues to heat up the inside of the vehicle, her sun-baked brain suddenly decides that she must scare her husband.

With that decided, she exits the vehicle and walks towards the garage door that leads into the house. She thinks to herself that it will be any time now that he will exit said door and come to find her. She will then scare him by being right by the door by screaming as loud as she could. She sits and waits, amazed at what a genius plan she has concocted.

Minutes tick by and her husband does not exit the door. In fact, she does not hear much at all coming from inside the house as she presses her ear to the door. Not to mention, she soon finds out that standing in the garage in the heat is not much better than sitting in an enclosed vehicle. Yet, she is still determined to bring her plan to fruition, so she carefully begins to creep around the side of the house and opens the fence door and proceeds to shut it as quietly as possible. It CLANKS shut and she freezes. She waits, and then creeps to the back sliding door/deck area in order to sneak inside the house undetected.

She slowly places her foot on the first deck steps and the two dogs inside start barking wildly. She races up to the sliding door and glares at the dogs, with her finger to her lips and a slight ‘shhh’ coming out her mouth. Whether the dogs realize she is pissed, whether they thought it was a game, or whether they were faintly amused, the wife could not tell. All she knew is that she was relieved that they immediately hushed…

She opens the door and is inside the kitchen with the dogs, who began pummeling her with excited greetings. She pats them on their heads and soon figures out her husband is in the upstairs bathroom. Therefore, she creeps slowly upstairs, stopping every so often when the stairs make a ‘popping’ noise. She stealthily tiptoes down the hall to the bathroom door and decides that waiting outside the bathroom has been done before, and so she will go hide in her office while she waits to scare her husband.

Almost as soon as she gets there, she hears the toilet flush and realizes she will be seen if she does not find somewhere to hide. In the instant that her husband steps out of the bathroom, she steps into her closet and stands on her sewing machine chair with the doors still slightly ajar to block any immediate sighting of her if her husband decided to peek into her office looking for her.



The wife tries to contain a giggle as she still stands in her closet. She hears a door close, and footsteps and she decides the coast is clear to sneak back down the hallway to their bedroom and hide there instead to scare him. She starts down the hallway…..

The floor makes its ‘popping’ noise again and she stops. And waits….

She starts again, and she soon hears another popping sound. She realizes it’s her knees that are now popping and starts getting grumpy at herself for being so loud. However, not to be deterred, she moves again. Two more steps, and her stomach gurgles loudly.

Wife sighs and wonders to herself if she should just give up, but decides against it and presses on. Two more steps, and…

SOMEONE utters her name! The terrified wife lets out a scream that could be heard several blocks away in their peaceful suburban neighborhood.

She then sees her husband in the bedroom. On the bed.


The End.

Saturday, July 10, 2010

A Friend

Sometimes you make friends in the most unlikely situations......

The other night I was laying in bed, surfing the web with my laptop when I heard a 'buzz-ing' sound. This sound was awfully like a June Bug sound, and sure enuf, it *was* a June Bug. It was flying around our master bathroom, and had most likely found its way all the way upstairs by our young pup who has found June Bugs to be a delicacy. The only problem is that not all June Bugs find their way into Miss Sadie's stomach =) So occasionally, they will be flying around downstairs....

This was the first time that we had one upstairs, and needless to say, I am really afraid of June Bugs. They are just..... well, they just freak me out, ok? lol

Anyway! I wasn't ready and/or capable of taking care of capturing this June Bug, and my husband had decided to call it a night already and was snoring away. Altho, I did wake him up when I toppled out of bed and quickly shut the bathroom door to trap the June Bug IN the bathroom. I was not ready to deal with waking up with a June Bug sitting on the pillow next to me the next AM, wishing me a 'good morning' thank you very much! BUT not even 10 minutes afterwords, the June Bug was flying around the bedroom.


So what do I do? Not a d*mn thing lol Sometimes being tired is a wonderful thing, it makes things like dealing with June Bugs not quite that important =)

I wake up the next morning and start getting ready for work. I shower - cuz I am considerate like that and don't wanna gross out my work peeps lol - look up towards the showerhead and see a JUNE BUG.

WTF? This June Bug has an unnatural obsession with me I swear. It just sat there and watched me. And no, I am not paranoid. It did just sit there. AND WATCH ME. I feel violated.

But ok....whatever.... I don't have time to deal with you June Bug, I am gonna go to work. So off I go, work thru my lunch hour to head to a DR appt and get home. Later, I start working on a college class assignment in my office upstairs and all of the sudden something (ie June Bug) buzzes by my friggin' head *uggh* It lands on the side of my desk and sits there....

And watches me...

Ya know, its nice and all that this June Bug is so obsessed with me, that it finds me its 'friend', but I have no room in my life for friends like that lol Or maybe I am just 'full of myself' and it just knew I was its only way out of the house with the dachshund who finds it to be quite tastey. Regardless, I started to try to overcome my fear and scoop him up on a piece of paper. I then walk all the way downstairs, open the front door, shake the paper and shut the door quick.

So right now I might have a June Bug out there who is indebted to me forever, or I shook the paper too hard and it fell to the ground, got a concussion and died.

I prefer to think I made a friend who is indebted to me forever myself lol