Friday, December 3, 2010

Getting Older

I have been depressed lately. Why? I have had several reminders about how old I am. How so? Well, let's see...

There was this one time when my husband is downstairs watching TV and I decided I needed to distract him with a 'sexy' dance. I swing my hips around in a seductive fashion and POP! crrraaackk! my hips went in response. Despite my husband having the TV blaring, the sound of my hips falling apart on me was louder. My husband, needless to say, was not turned on - in fact, he pretty much lost it and started laughing. So forget the sexy hip swaying for me and my friggin old hips anymore *le sigh*

And then there was this one time when I got in the car to go somewhere with my husband and needed to put on my coat. I try to put it on, keep tugging at it, keep yanking, try to find the other armhole - finally, I manage to get it on, but it still feels funky. I try to look behind me and my husband busts out laughing and says, "uhh, you have it upside down Lisa - do you need me to stop the car so you can put on your coat?"

So it appears that my memory is going as well. Or is it my coordination? Nahh, that shouldnt be it, cuz it does take a pretty limber, coordinated person to be able to put their winter coat on, upside down, hood side trailing down to your behind right? Yeah, lets go with that and end on a more positive note shall we? lol

Monday, November 15, 2010

A Bunch of Griping

My husband goes to get his skin checked out at the dermatologist the other day. I try to be the ever helpful wife and circle any and all areas on his back that may be of concern. Not only does my husband return with the name of every friggin spot labeled on his backside, I get to hear how she retorted 'is she joking?' on one of them I had circled.

OK, first of all, I am not a dermatologist. I do not watch dermatologist shows. I do not google about dark moles, pinkish spots, oblong spots, or any other kind of skin condition. I have a life. I have things I have to concentrate on. And geez.... I circled the f'n things first thing in the AM - give me an F'N break.

And you know what? I think next year, I am gonna circle *hundreds* of spots. I am gonna draw in some spots. I gonna write on his back what I think of her and *then* see what she says.

Yes, I am so brave when I am not the one who is going in there lol

And thats not all thats been a pain in the a$$ lately. I want to go to Germany next year after I graduate from college. I find the application online for a passport. I notice both my husband and I need to get pictures taken. We went to our local post office and they were not taking pictures that day. We went again, and they were not taking pictures until an hour later. And of course, we are too busy to go later, soo....

We go another day to do so. We wait for the gal to take our pix for quite awhile, but it does get done. I manage not to take the ugliest picture of myself, so I was pleased. A couple of weeks pass and then we go back with the applications, birth certificates, etc we need to file for a passport. We are told again to come back later. We actually are able to come back later and then are told they are not doing passports that day, why dont we try another post office?

REALLY? I truly know what they mean now by going 'postal'. Thanks for wasting my time ya know?

Another 2 weeks go by and we head off to a different post office. They are doing passports, and there is just one family before us getting their paperwork done. The lady behind the counter seemed to really think she found her long lost friend in the wife, tho, and was chatting about everything under the sun. She managed to contain herself after a bit and finally finishes up with them and then it was our turn.

Our turn to find out that my passport picture is 'too big' for the application. Even tho we went to a post office that should have f'n known how big to make them. The applications were double sided that I filled out, and that is a 'no-no' too. So we refill the paperwork, and I get my picture retaken - so now I look like I have a double chin in my picture cuz she had me tilt my head down. Or maybe I *do* have a double chin, it certainly made me feel fat the rest of the f'n day =/ I think my husband had to try to assure me I wasnt about 20 times after that. And to assure me that lipo is not the answer lol

So I *think* I have a passport being processed now. Am sure they will get it and decide the application should have been written in blue ink instead of black or something, tho *sigh*

K, thats all the griping I got for y'all right now lol

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Me versus Spider

What is wrong with waking up in the morning, simply getting into the shower and turning on the water and gradually waking up for the day? What is so wrong with expecting that no living creature would *want* to be in your shower considering you *just* cleaned it with enough chemicals a few days before that would kill even you? What is so friggin’ wrong with a spider realizing he/she should NOT be in YOUR shower and either scampering far, far away or making its death quick so you can go ahead with your shower in an uneventful manner?

I guess that really too much of me to ask – or at least, this morning it was – so needless to say, my day was not off to a good start =/ My morning consisted of this:

• Open shower and lean inside to turn on the shower and find out that a spider is slowly swinging its way down on its web towards myself. I refuse to believe spider is trying to be my friend, and hurriedly turn on shower head.

• Spider starts getting wet. However, this is a James Bond sorta spider who defeats the extreme force of water being sprayed at it with one quick movement up. Spider is on the back shower wall in a matter of seconds, inching his last few remaining steps up out of harms way.

• I exclaim WTF?! and do my best to direct the water from the shower head towards the spider on the wall. Spider put on his James Bond wet suit with built in turbo pack and, despite a brief second of inching down the wall from the water, again friggin defeats the force of water and inches his way up the wall.

• I exclaim WTF again and take one of my shampoo bottles to swipe at it. Spider puts on invisible force shield and simply slides down the wall behind the other bottles of stuff found in my shower, which infuriates me further. And yes, I do say a few more choice cuss words…

• I am determined to make this spider go away, even though the thought of it even remotely touching me makes me want to run screaming/crying out of the bathroom. One by one, I start grabbing the bottles of products lining my shelf on the wall the spider is on. As the fourth bottle is removed, I finally see the spider and take the 4th bottle and wildly swing it at the spider, sending it to a corner of the shower’s floor.

• Spider realizes its invisible force shield is not working and puts on its wet suit again, but the water diffuses the turbo feature and he start to slowly inch towards the shower drain from the force of the water. However, not willing to give up that easily, spider manages to push himself slowly away from the drain (cuz, yeah, like all F’N spiders have a F’N gym somewhere they work out to build up their 8 leg muscles to escape perilous water deaths).

• Proving he is not just ANY spider, he manages to get right back to the corner he was in. Super furious at this point, I take the bottle and swing at the spider again. And miss… I swing again and knock said spider unconscious. Unable to contain myself with my newfound ability to seriously maim the spider, I hit him again with the bottle and he appears to give up.

• Not trusting this spider, I manage to spray enuf water to get him moving towards the drain. As I watched him get closer, I *swear* I saw a leg move. Despite him finally moving down the drain, I spent the rest of my time in the shower convinced he would slowly swing one of his powerful legs over the drain and inch himself out of there to attack me.

So yeah, my morning did not go well – how about you all? lol

Monday, September 20, 2010

Preparation H

Sometimes you pay the price of being too vain. Sometimes you really should just accept the fact that you may have a few freckles, some wrinkles where they didn't used to be and dark, poofy circles under your eyes. You should just simply celebrate the fact that your face marks where you have been, the things you have been through and indicates that you are confident enough to go around everyday life with them like they were the most ordinary, normal things to have.

However, that is not me. That will never be me - and I will always try to find way to 'improve' myself. BUT, sometimes in doing so, I end up doing REALLY stupid stuff.

I am a fan of Sandra Bullock, but I am not sure I will blindly follow in her footsteps next time when she mentions a beauty tip of hers. Perhaps I might do a little more research. Perhaps I might just sit and think about it for a bit, and realize that maybe, just MAYBE it isn't something I should go out and do.

Case in point: Putting Preparation H under my eyes to alleviate any 'poofy', dark under eye circles. I have been slathering that stuff on like it was baby lotion , ignoring the fact that it makes my eyes water, that it burns if it gets near my eyes or that I seem to break out with pimples like a teenage girl exactly in the area I slathered it on the night before.

And then the day came that my husband and I were enjoying a pleasant morning at Barnes & Noble reading magazines and eating breakfast, where I realized the stupidity of my actions by reading one little snippet of information.

" Preparation H Ointment depuffs eyes: True or False:
True.... but not the one sold in this country. 'Only the Canadian version has BioDyne, the ingredient that reduces puffiness. It was removed from the U.S. formula years ago.' says Dr. Woolery-Lloyd. So don't put it anywhere except your you-know-what!"

Need I say more? *sigh*

Saturday, August 7, 2010


Well y'all, we made it to our first stop of our Sturgis Harley Rally trip. Wasn't sure I was gonna - wouldve been easy to just poke me and have me fall off the bike lol But anywhooo - there seemed to be a theme of the #14, such as:

14 - Items on my body: 2 socks, 2 shoes, a tattoo (old one, not one gotten for this occasion lol), jeans, undies, tank top, bra, sunglasses, 2 rings, helmet and ponytail holder =)

14 - Times I looked at my hands during the ride thinking they didn't look 'quite right'

14 - Times I pouted when I found out that our stop was not in Sioux City, but Sioux Falls.

14 - Trucks/Vans pulling trailers with their bikes loaded inside *SIGH*

14 - Life sized dolls at a gas station/truck stop's glass case staring at me as I was sitting on the bench across from them while husband went to use the restroom.

14 - Times I reminded myself why I married my husband (nahh, not really - sounded good tho right? lol)

All in all, its been a decent trip so far - couldve done without the sunburn I have, and the sign advertising for a Mexican place called Senor Weiner, and the construction, and well.....

Someone needs to invent time travel damnit lol

Friday, July 23, 2010

A Plan

Once upon a time, not so very long ago, a husband and wife arrive home. The wife decides to get her husband's attention by remaining in the vehicle – since they had previously disagreed on a particular subject matter. Despite her husband staring intently through the window at her, and her husband's audible sigh and obvious roll of the eyes, she stays in the vehicle determined to get her husband's attention. However, husband decides that the need to use the bathroom facilities indoors outweighs figuring out what is going on with his wife - and he heads indoors.

Wife thinks that she will stay put. She has a point to make with her husband and will not be deterred in doing so. However, she soon realizes how foolish this is when 5 minutes go by and she is still sitting in the vehicle with its windows rolled up and the sun blazing hot outside - making the temperature at least in the upper 90s.

Wife begins to rethink her strategy. She wants to do something that will impact her husband and make her happy at the same time. As the sun continues to heat up the inside of the vehicle, her sun-baked brain suddenly decides that she must scare her husband.

With that decided, she exits the vehicle and walks towards the garage door that leads into the house. She thinks to herself that it will be any time now that he will exit said door and come to find her. She will then scare him by being right by the door by screaming as loud as she could. She sits and waits, amazed at what a genius plan she has concocted.

Minutes tick by and her husband does not exit the door. In fact, she does not hear much at all coming from inside the house as she presses her ear to the door. Not to mention, she soon finds out that standing in the garage in the heat is not much better than sitting in an enclosed vehicle. Yet, she is still determined to bring her plan to fruition, so she carefully begins to creep around the side of the house and opens the fence door and proceeds to shut it as quietly as possible. It CLANKS shut and she freezes. She waits, and then creeps to the back sliding door/deck area in order to sneak inside the house undetected.

She slowly places her foot on the first deck steps and the two dogs inside start barking wildly. She races up to the sliding door and glares at the dogs, with her finger to her lips and a slight ‘shhh’ coming out her mouth. Whether the dogs realize she is pissed, whether they thought it was a game, or whether they were faintly amused, the wife could not tell. All she knew is that she was relieved that they immediately hushed…

She opens the door and is inside the kitchen with the dogs, who began pummeling her with excited greetings. She pats them on their heads and soon figures out her husband is in the upstairs bathroom. Therefore, she creeps slowly upstairs, stopping every so often when the stairs make a ‘popping’ noise. She stealthily tiptoes down the hall to the bathroom door and decides that waiting outside the bathroom has been done before, and so she will go hide in her office while she waits to scare her husband.

Almost as soon as she gets there, she hears the toilet flush and realizes she will be seen if she does not find somewhere to hide. In the instant that her husband steps out of the bathroom, she steps into her closet and stands on her sewing machine chair with the doors still slightly ajar to block any immediate sighting of her if her husband decided to peek into her office looking for her.



The wife tries to contain a giggle as she still stands in her closet. She hears a door close, and footsteps and she decides the coast is clear to sneak back down the hallway to their bedroom and hide there instead to scare him. She starts down the hallway…..

The floor makes its ‘popping’ noise again and she stops. And waits….

She starts again, and she soon hears another popping sound. She realizes it’s her knees that are now popping and starts getting grumpy at herself for being so loud. However, not to be deterred, she moves again. Two more steps, and her stomach gurgles loudly.

Wife sighs and wonders to herself if she should just give up, but decides against it and presses on. Two more steps, and…

SOMEONE utters her name! The terrified wife lets out a scream that could be heard several blocks away in their peaceful suburban neighborhood.

She then sees her husband in the bedroom. On the bed.


The End.

Saturday, July 10, 2010

A Friend

Sometimes you make friends in the most unlikely situations......

The other night I was laying in bed, surfing the web with my laptop when I heard a 'buzz-ing' sound. This sound was awfully like a June Bug sound, and sure enuf, it *was* a June Bug. It was flying around our master bathroom, and had most likely found its way all the way upstairs by our young pup who has found June Bugs to be a delicacy. The only problem is that not all June Bugs find their way into Miss Sadie's stomach =) So occasionally, they will be flying around downstairs....

This was the first time that we had one upstairs, and needless to say, I am really afraid of June Bugs. They are just..... well, they just freak me out, ok? lol

Anyway! I wasn't ready and/or capable of taking care of capturing this June Bug, and my husband had decided to call it a night already and was snoring away. Altho, I did wake him up when I toppled out of bed and quickly shut the bathroom door to trap the June Bug IN the bathroom. I was not ready to deal with waking up with a June Bug sitting on the pillow next to me the next AM, wishing me a 'good morning' thank you very much! BUT not even 10 minutes afterwords, the June Bug was flying around the bedroom.


So what do I do? Not a d*mn thing lol Sometimes being tired is a wonderful thing, it makes things like dealing with June Bugs not quite that important =)

I wake up the next morning and start getting ready for work. I shower - cuz I am considerate like that and don't wanna gross out my work peeps lol - look up towards the showerhead and see a JUNE BUG.

WTF? This June Bug has an unnatural obsession with me I swear. It just sat there and watched me. And no, I am not paranoid. It did just sit there. AND WATCH ME. I feel violated.

But ok....whatever.... I don't have time to deal with you June Bug, I am gonna go to work. So off I go, work thru my lunch hour to head to a DR appt and get home. Later, I start working on a college class assignment in my office upstairs and all of the sudden something (ie June Bug) buzzes by my friggin' head *uggh* It lands on the side of my desk and sits there....

And watches me...

Ya know, its nice and all that this June Bug is so obsessed with me, that it finds me its 'friend', but I have no room in my life for friends like that lol Or maybe I am just 'full of myself' and it just knew I was its only way out of the house with the dachshund who finds it to be quite tastey. Regardless, I started to try to overcome my fear and scoop him up on a piece of paper. I then walk all the way downstairs, open the front door, shake the paper and shut the door quick.

So right now I might have a June Bug out there who is indebted to me forever, or I shook the paper too hard and it fell to the ground, got a concussion and died.

I prefer to think I made a friend who is indebted to me forever myself lol

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

An Angry Post

Ya know, its amazing that when I woke up this AM, I didn't roll over and fall out of bed, break my arm and be taken to the hospital. Not to say that I have bene uncoordinated today...

No, wait.... yes, I have been. But Ialso think its just a matter of being *my* unlucky day. Its one of those days when I can just sit in my chair at my desk at work - not move, not do anything - but breathe. And that would miraculously cause something to happen around me or TO me.

And you know when you tell someone about your day and they don't quite believe you? Or maybe you are partly telling them the truth, but exaggerating the rest?

Yeah, that's me. My day *can* (and often will be) something you won't believe, something that only happens in the movies. Or people with incredible crappy luck. Like F'N me.

I filed away a bunch of files this AM and managed to get halfway thru when I hit my my knuckle on one of my fingers HARD. I remind myself I am at work and not to cuss. I remind myself that this particular finger was all messed up anyway. I then look down and see I have a cut thats bleeding on it, but neveryoumind - thats what bandaids are for right? I managed to get one put on and finish filing, go back to my desk to grab one of the many files *still* left there and cut my SAME finger on one of the files.

I was unable to remind myself I was at work before I cussed by the way...

I put another bandaid on, which being on the tip of my finger this time, made it a bit awkward to type, but thought I should leave it on awhile. I manage to get thru an hour before I cut my pinky finger on another F'N file.

Yes, I know its just a paper/cardboard cut. But seriously? 3 cuts all on one hand in one friggin morning? Why the f*ck does this always happen to me?

BUT.... its almost lunch time..... I will go to lunch, get something in my stomach, visit with my husband and everything will fix itself. I expect sympathy from my husband when I relate my story and show him my hand, but he laughs. And he laughs even harder when I start eating my honey mustard chicken snack wrap from McDonalds and the honey mustard drops onto my shirt. Will I let that deter me from trying to get in a better frame of mind? Heck no....

You admire the determination I have? The persistence? The ability I have to still try to be optimistic don't you? Yeah, well.... things still managed to be f*cked up, as not even a minute later I drop honey mustard on my shirt AGAIN and have yet to be able to get it off. It looks like F'N puke. Cuz apparantly honey mustard has particles in it that love to cling to my shirt. And nevermind the fact that its F'N yellow... ishh....

Yeah, lunch hour needed to be over. This day needs to be over. But as I was picking up my purse and getting ready to get out of the passenger seat of my husband's car, my work badge grabs to the seat and as my husband says 'WAIT', I manage to yank and tear off the clip from the badge. Its in two pieces now. Its in 2 F'N PIECES....


Friday, June 25, 2010

Stoopid is as Stoopid Does

It's been awhile since I have blogged huh? I will try remedy that from now on - tho, I do wish I could say this time away from bloggin has made me older and wiser, but apparantly its only made me older. Which I guess is good for all you readers out there (well, some of you anyway lol), but it certainly perplexes me why things have to be so darn hard for me....

Physically and emotionally, I have been somewhat of a mess lately. My husband felt sorry for me the other night when I complained of having a headache for a week straight and donated a painkiller of his to alleve my pain. In addition, after also whining about cold sores in my mouth, he gave me pills that help numb/help 'em mend a bit better.

Yep. My husband is where I go to for all my prescription needs. Needless to say, the poor guy is even more messed up than I am. But anyyway.... we will feel sorry for him another day, this blog post is dedicated to feeling for myself. SO there lol

So after a night of doping myself out with my husband's drugs, the next morning was a bit of a hassle. I woke up somewhat late, and put on the first reasonable outfit I could come up with and headed out the door. I was a bit frustrated with my pointey toed boots being scuffed up, but thought they were the only thing that looked decent with the pants I was wearing. And the pants? Well, after a trip to the restroom, I find out that one of the back pockets is tearing and you could basically see my err.... butt.

Yeah, I know. I can be super classey =)

ANYWAY! Needless to say, between having my pants ripping and my feet sore from the boots (not to mention I found out that we could wear jeans), I decided to go on an early lunch to Wal-Mart. I asked one of my coworkers where the closest Wal-Mart is at, and she told me about the one in Roeland Park that was only 5 minutes away. And other than questioning the GPS's knowledge of the roads, I arrived there in about 7 minutes ready to do one of the fastest shopping trips of my life.

Except most signs were in Spanish. Most of the store was arranged different. And there really was not much clothing to pick from. They did seem to really like Miley Cyrus at this Wal-Mart, and I have to say, I did find a cute shirt of hers that I *almost* bought. BUT, its a friggin Miley Cyrus shirt and I am almost 36 years old and I thought that me wearing it would just be plain odd.

AND it was a friggin Miley Cyrus shirt....

So needless to say, I found another shirt that was plaid and somewhat similar to Miley's, some new jeans, shoes and socks. I then clomped thru the store to pick out a microwave dinner for lunch, headed to checkout, paid and left.

Return trip and rest of the work day went by fairly uneventfully, and then I was headed out to a dentist appointment where I was sprayed at least 6 times with the water tube that 'swooshes out all that nasty gritty stuff' (dental assistant's words, not mine) of my mouth. I dried off and headed for home with my pearley whites...

And how do you know when your husband thinks your shirt is flattering on you? Well, its certainly not when he greets you with the theme song to the 'Beverly Hillbillies' - thats for sure! In addition, once I was standing in front of him, he unbuttons my last 3 buttons and tied it up just like whats her name on the show. Then, to make matters worse, he asks:

"Why didn't you just go to Target? There is one just 2 minutes away from where you work"

I spend a little while argueing with him on it, until he looks it up and it suddenly dawns on me that there IS a Target that is closer than the Wal-Mart was to work...

Needless to say, I had to tell my coworker I had a bone to pick with her the next day lol I swear she doesn't like me =)

Sunday, April 25, 2010

A List

Over the past couple of weeks, just when things seem to be going smoothly, there has always been *something* that makes it more difficult. So, here is my list you 'know when its things are not gonna go your way when":

1) You do your homwork while in Vegas on a SATURDAY morning in your hotel room (when most people should be hungover from the night before), and hear endless sounds - maids being overly energetic in their cleaning in the rooms next to you (specially the bathrooms btw), kids - yes F'N kids in Vegas! screaming down the hallway, an ambulance for a whole 5 minutes, a car siren for 5 minutes, a fire truck siren for another 5 minutes.....and repeat.....

Husband returns, noises continue for another 20 minutes, and then....SILENCE...

And then you hear a train's horn HONK!!! as it makes its way thru Vegas..

You look up. You sigh. And say - REALLY?? A train??? IN VEGGASS???

2) You are in a movie theatre with your husband to see the move 'The Losers'. You successfully hide the fact that you have the hots for the lead actor, get snacks and settle in a bit early to watch the movie. You are bored, however.....and soon you tink it would be funny if you threw a piece of your popcorn at your husband. You successfully do so - but then husband retaliates by throwing an peanut M&M at you and hitting you in the head. HARD.

You pout. BUT you do not let this phase you in the least... you soon decide to throw 2 pieces of popcorn at your husband. Husband reaches in the bag of popcorn and you flinch. You then open your eyes when you feel something IN your blouse. IN your bra. With eyes opened, you realize its a BUNCH of popcorn crumbled up in your bra. And then you have to proceed to 'dig' it out...

3) You and husband go to Best Buy to get yourself something that will track your calories/miles since you have now become a lil more ...err...FIT. First Best Buy does not have them - they are too small of a store. But this is not found out until you and husband have walked around the whole friggin store. And, since you are not in a good mood before you enter the store, this does not help your mood as you leave the store...

You get in the car with the husband and head out of town to another Best Buy in a bigger city and continue your bad mood. You are almost out of the city when you see an Orscheln's sign advertising 'CHICK DAYS' and you suddenly ask husband to turn around and go back to Orschelns. He remains confused/amused, and becomes even more amused when you tell him you want to hold a baby chick so it will help 'improve your mood'. However, he *does* turn around...

AND, you do hold a baby chick......well, more like an adolescent chick cuz the baby chick pecked at your hand when you went...AWWW....and tried to reach in... but anywayy...

You leave Orschelns and your husband think it would be appropriate to now begin to quiz you if you like Rhode Island Reds, New Hampshire Reds, Hollands, or.....

Yes, folks.... that is my week in review....

Saturday, March 6, 2010

Jesco White

The other night - after watching the movie 'Time Traveler's Wife' - my husband was gonna try and pick us a 'feel good' movie. 'Cuz, despite the 'Time Traveler's Wife' being fairly decent, it was also fairly depressing - and not a great way to end your Thursday night. Soo... what movie does my husband pick?

"White Lightening"

In his defense, I do not *think* (he can look incredibly innocent of all charges at times), he knew the movie was:

#1 About Jesco White - whom has not reportedly held a fairytale life
#2 That the movie would be the most disturbing movie we have probably have watched thus far

Well, anyway! Suffice it to say the dude was *incredibly* redneck thoughout the movie - and I was SO affected by this movie (and not in a 'omg, this is like, ya know - the MOST incredible movie everrrrr sorta way) that I woke up the next morning tossing and turning due to nightmares cuz of it and only really remembering one line out of the whole movie:

"She's messin' with my headdddd..... my headdd....."

Yeah, I know - incredibly sad isnt it? lol

Well, needless to say, my husband went to work the next day recommending that the work peeps should watch this movie as well. I wish I could say that he truly likes the movie and wanted someone to be able to pass their 1.5 hours in a 'wow - this is the bestest movie everrr' fashion. But (and this was *before* we watched this disturbed movie), my husband is quite sick in da head himself lol

However, I have also had to pay the price of watching this movie by being dubbed 'Joda Mae' and having my husband wake up two - yes, I repeat, TWOOOOOO - friggin mornings in a row calling me that in his most redneck voice he can muster lol

So what's my answer? If you are unable to beat them - join them.

So thats what I have been doing lol He 'lipped off' and called me Joda Mae this morning and I retorted:

"Shut your mouth, and shave your sister!"

To which he replied:

"Well, thats just nasty."

To which I said:

"Its *just* hair"

Uh huh..... I know. Thats sick. And sad. And twisted. And all sorts of really sad and twisted sorta sh*t lol

So anyway! I need help y'all! My husband has given me a redneck-ish sorta name (Joda Mae). Now I need help giving him one! So watcha y'all think? Clayton? Cletus? Plain ole Jim Bob? Spill da beanz! I wanna hear your opinions/thoughts =)

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

So like.....

.... my husband and I, were like, at CVS tonite ya know? And, like, we thought (after a couple of margaritas) that we needed to look for some baseball caps. Which is like, another story... but, like anyway...

We find some baseball caps and walk on up to the register ya know? To, like, get a price check on them? Cuz we sure as heck didnt wanna spend a bunch of money on baseball caps that.... well....for time's sake....had a purpose, but we didnt need FANCY hats for gawdsake...

So anywhoo....

We wait at the register patiently, and when up there, my husband states he needs to know how much the caps are. The register dude, ya know, like rings 'em up and all? And lo and behold, they are like, 15 friggin bucks a PIECE duuddeee!!

Husband exclaims "15 F'N bucks? No F'N way I am paying THAT much for baseball caps!!"

Husband then turns around to return them, and while he is there, I decide I need some gloves. I tell my husband that they are 3 bucks, but am still, like....second guessing myself ya know?

So as we are standing in the line AGAIN, I turn around and guess what I found?



Off I go to check the price. I scan the bar code. Nothing. I scan it again. NOTHING. I turn around and look at my husband and laugh. Customer in front of us ironically wants to have the construction board his 10 year old girl is holding scanned for a price check.

Like F'N really dude? Do you like, NOT see me here trying to scan a bar code on a pair of gloves at a price scanner you sick bastard? lol

Well, anywhoo...

The price scanner finally tells me the price of my gloves. I giggle with my silly accomplishment and take my place back in line with my husband. Dude ahead of us gets his construction board scanned for price at the same time, and he is like:

'WHHAAA?? How much??"

So off he goes with his 10 year old to return it as we pay for our 3 dollar gloves @ the checkout counter who looks disturbingly like Bobby on 'King of the Hill'.

So, ummm... like, does anyone else find it funny that there is so many cheap a$$ peeps at CVS? lol I dare y'all to go in small groups to CVS next time and have multiple items price checked, exclaim WTF and return them hehe

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

The Float

Sometimes you think something is a good idea - and you truly have the best of intentions - but it just never *quite* works out the way you had envisioned. Case in point - my husband and I's recent 'Float' experience.

There is a place here in KC area that has an enclosed area that has 10-12 inches of 'mineral-rich' water in it that keeps you afloat. That's all - you simply lay there for an hour and float in the water. The Spa proudly claims this as the first of its kind in North America, and judging from my husband and I's experience, it will soon be 'dead as a dodo'. Except, with the DoDo, at least they had some sort of purpose......altho, to be fair, am sure the 'Float' amuses all at the Spa - the sick b-terds lol

Anyway! My husband and I get there a bit early and get shown the locker/shower areas and the whirlpool area, and used the latter while waiting for our 'Float' experience. Once we were in the 'Float' area and left alone, we both got in to begin our relaxing experience. To my husband's credit, he did *try* to relax more than me - as for me, the whole time I find it amazingly funny.

Uhh, yup - funny lol I began to ask how we were supposed to float in the water, as I laid down in the salty-ish water and found that I did indeed float. Impressive? Kinda. Funny? Outrageously funny! For me anyway =) I immediately snorted with suppressed laughter, then just LOST it. I laughed and it somewhat echoed in the enclosed area, which made me laugh more. I then heard my husband sigh, and decided I better try to behave myself so that someone can benefit from this experience.

However, it went downhill from there.......granted, I did manage to go at least 10-15 minutes without laughing again. But during this time, I found the one main light in the area disconcerting and closed my eyes, but got bored and opened one eye - closed it - opened the other eye - closed it. I then floated myself over to my husband and touched him, which with another sigh, he pushed me away. I laid there, took a deep breath and tried *not* to be antsy. I thought what was the most 'serene' pose I could put myself in - and decided that I would lay there with my hands crossed on my chest. BUT, then I found that kinda silly, so I put one arm down to the side, then the other - and then thought that move was incredibly like the macarena dance. And, yes... I lost it....

I snorted, and laughed again lol

Needless to say, neither of us quite made it to the full hour. And, needless to say, I dont think either of us will be going back =)

Thursday, January 28, 2010

A Trip to Florida

One slightly rainy morning a 30 something gal showered, got out her clothes to wear for the day and any and all toiletries that would be necessary for her to complete her morning ritual. Since this gal had flown from Kansas to Florida the previous day, she had decided that since the airlines were being rather strict on their rules of how much liquids and such a person can carry on the plane, she had a moment of genius and tore out many samples of perfume from her 'People' magazines she found laying around her office.

Still rather pleased with herself about her foresight, she took out one of these perfume page samples. Wrapped in a towel, hair wet from the shower she just took, she started rubbing the paper up and down her arms, on her neck and even on her hair for good measure. However, she noticed she was not smelling it very well, which was slightly disappointing considering the effort she put into making sure it was on her.

The gal takes the magazine sample and sniffs it, but yet..... she can barely smell anything. She sniffs again .....but still nothing. She decides that maybe she used it already and looks at the name of the perfume on the page of the magazine. The page read:

"The Fragrance Collection: by Glade" - indulge a little with Jasmine & Wild Orchid reed diffuser, three-rich soy-based candle and mini candle. Available wherever Glade products are sold.