Friday, December 26, 2014

When you gotta go.....

Some bathrooms should not be visited. Like, EVER.

However, I visited one tonight that was on that list just to prove to myself I could do it. And well, honestly, my bladder wasn’t giving me many other options at that point. So I trudged forth into the gas station in the middle of Nowhere, USA, to use it. I walk towards the sign that said ‘Ladies’, turned the dilapidated corner, ignored the broken tiles I walked over, reached for the rusty bathroom handle door and pushed it open.

And stood there in disgust as I looked every single thing in the bathroom covered in grime and layered with dust, including the space heater that I was a bit unsure why it was there. I look for the toilet paper & find one roll on the grimy covered toilet, looking like someone had put their claw marks into the ends of it. Luckily, they had another roll in a better location & less shredded that I started pulling on and lining the toilet sheet with. I may be brave enough to use that bathroom, but I am NOT brave enough to use that bathroom’ toilet seat without many layers between me and it.

Two pieces of toilet paper into my task, I suddenly hear a male voice & a lot of thumping on bathroom door. I pause with my third piece of toilet paper in hand and ask ‘Yes?’. Then there was silence for a second and then more pounding n the door ensues. At this point, I walk towards the door with my piece of toilet paper in hand and exclaim’ WTF?!’ I hear silence again and I turn back towards the toilet, lay the 3rd piece down and get the 4th piece ready and hear two guys talking really loud outside the bathroom door. I hear the other guy ask the original door pounder if he had knocked on the door and how he just had to wash something or the other (which I was desperately hoping was his hands). Then they finally meander away and I finish layering the toilet seat with toilet paper and proceed to do my business.

One more piece of toilet paper later to flush the toilet & a timid gripping of the bathroom door, I swung it open, walked to front of the door and looked at my husband with a shell shocked look on my face as he asks…

‘You ready to go?’

Uhh, gee dude, what was your first clue?

I don’t think there is enough Purell  in this world to make me feel less dirty & violated right now *sigh*