Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Har Dee Har Har

Apparently I should not try to communicate with my husband when I have been in pain and have taken painkillers to alleviate aforesaid pain. The other night my husband and I decided to call it a night and put down our iPads to cease our internet surfing and shut off the lights. I was not laying there long when I decided I needed to go to the restroom. I made it to the restroom down the hallway safely in the dark, and then made my way back to bed. I was almost there when my foot bumped into something, jamming one of my toes. I immediately begin to cuss, hop around on one foot and inform my husband that *now* would not be a good time to ask me if I am ok.

My husband wisely listens to me and decides not to comment until I had managed to get in bed and position myself so I was able to again consider going to sleep. Naturally, he was curious about what I had bumped into and asked me what it was. To which I replied:

"Uh, you know, it's that dirt picker upper thing."

The bed starts vibrating with his silent laughter, as he asks: "You mean the vacuum sweeper?"

"Yeah, yeah.... whatever." I answer.

My husband managed to control his laughter for a few minutes and as we are laying there in the dark, he asks me another question.

"Why aren't you using that thing to sleep with?"

"What thing?" I ask.

"You know, the neck propper upper thing."

Uggh.. good thing neck propper upper thing was not in the bed or he would've been thumped on the head with it.

Friday, May 27, 2011

2 Things That Don't Go Together

There are times when there are things said or done that just make you wonder 'why me'? You wonder doesn't this happen to other people? Well, anyway, you do if you are me - and that constantly seems to be a theme with my blog posts. I seriously need to start an anonymous poll someday to see if these sorts of things happen to others on a consistent basis. Cuz like, it ain't cool lol

Nahhh =) Some of it is fine - I, uh, just don't know how to handle some of it that comes my way. Or maybe I overanalyze things to death. Maybe it really isn't that big of deal to other people? Maybe I am on the very fine edge of losing it and holding it together? Err, anywayy...

So let's start with Hulu shall we? I am a Grey's Anatomy fan. I am not quite sure why, as it never really leaves you with that warm, happy fuzzy feeling that I seek but, nevertheless, I like the show. Not too long ago, I got into the show and was playing 'catch up' on episodes. I then got to a season that wasn't playing the 'reruns' yet, which eventually killed my addiction.

Temporarily. Then along came Hulu and I was able to feed my addiction once again. Episode after episode I watched until one day Hulu stopped and displayed this message:

"You have been watching for over 3 hours, do you need a break?"

Uhh, wha da heck? Thanks? Wait, no thanks! I mean, geesh... you think I have a problem? Well, watch this! And I click out of there and, uh.... take a break.

In other news, I recently had an interview that I got all decked out for. I had the dress, the shoes, the hair, the makeup - the whole thing - I had it going on. Well, not quite...

I walked up to the front door of the building that day and slowly felt my thigh high hose slide down my leg. And of course there are two guys in front of the building talking and one walking in front of me as I tried to be as discreet as possible by rubbing my other leg up against it to somehow push it upwards. Yet, I couldn't slow down and bring *more* attention to myself, so I kept walking. I was sure despite my desperate attempt at being discreet, it was more obvious by me doing something. So I gave up - and as I clunked up to the door in shoes that only me could make look UN-sexy, my hose fell all the way down to my knee - past my skirt.

And then the guy in front of me opened the door to let me in first - yeah, wasn't that super friggin fantastic of him? lol Normally, that would be ok, but... yeah, not so much that day. I made it to the elevator (which thankfully is not where the guy was going), got in it and pushed the button and hiked up my hose fairly successfully. I then look down to see the other leg had a run in it from the toe all the way up and sighed. I looked up to see the elevator hadn't moved. I pushed the button again, only to find out that I needed a badge to use the friggin elevator. The only positive thing was that it was a good hiding place to deal with my hose at the time.

We will assume there were no cameras in the elevator for the sake of my sanity lol

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Spinal Tap - Tiny Stonehenge

The other day I ordered 2 rugs and some blinds from Home Depot. I ordered these online, as there seemed to be more of a selection and I have a deep-rooted disgust about shopping at any store. I have too many problems shopping at a store, so really, it is best for everyone concerened if I just do my shopping online. Well, uh.... usually....

I receive the first rug and the blinds and was pretty pleased - they were what I expected, so it was pretty uneventful when they made their appearance at our humble abode. Two more days pass by and the other rug had not shown up yet. This has me a bit grumpy, as I am ready to put down a rug by the garage door that will cover most of the hallway-ish area and protect our floors. I look up its status on the UPS site and find out it arrived around 7A at the Kansas UPS site. It was now almost 5P and still no rug had been dropped off at our door.

But finally! The truck shows up, and as I peep out my office window to make sure it was the UPS guy, I see him get out with the package, hear the doorbell ring 10 seconds later, and then see him leaving 5 seconds after that.

Uhh, ok - thanks for making sure the person is home dude! But neveryoumind - I didn't really wanna talk to you anyway lol

So.... excited me runs down the stairs, opens the door, grabs the package and shuts the door about the 5 minutes before my husband arrives home. So needless to say, he got to hear how disgusted I was with UPS, how I have been waiting for this rug, and more. My husband remains optimistic and basically tries to end the conversation about said rug with "Well, at least you have it now".

I glance at him and decide to start opening the package. The rug is rolled up and wrapped in thick plastic - tied at the ends with plastic ties. I am impatient, and instead of doing the sane thing (like get scissors or something), I start ripping into the plastic with my fingernails grumpily. This apparantly worries my husband, as he takes the package away from me and opens it up for me.

And pulls it out....

And looks at it...

And snorts as he asks, "Is it supposed to be this small?"

He holds it up for me to see and I am immediately disgusted all over again. Instead of a 2 foot by 9 foot rug, it is more like a 2 foot by 9 inches rug.

And as I sit there and stutter and grumble and say that maybe it will work after all, husband takes it to the garage door area and sets it down.

The next thing I knowis he is leaning over, his hand bracing himself on the wall by the garage door, staring at the rug. And friggin laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing...

You need pix you say? Well, I dont have any of him laughing, but I can provide you with the before and afters of the rug. Needless to say, I think I might now understand why it was 2 more days before I got this rug. I think the UPS peeps were like WTF?? lol

Monday, May 9, 2011

A Little Happiness in a Fortune Cookie

Well, let me first start this blog post off by saying I have had a tough day emotionally. I have been in a super funky mood ever since I woke up and it hasn't gotten any better. My dogs even haven't been much help, as the youngest one peed on the new carpet and now refuses to go outside. She just sits there and looks at me like its no fair that *I* get to pee inside and she doesn't.

I did manage to get away from the house for a bit to take my husband some lunch and go to the bank. But even that didnt go so well - as the grocery store I decided to stop at for lunch (since I needed a birthday card for a sister who doesn't send me birthday cards - but anyway - thats a whole new blog post) did not go well either.

I get there and try to park and an older man is purposely walking slow - blocking the parking spot I want. I finally get parked and out of the jeep and when I get to the store's door, he is standing there in the middle of it. So since he was being rude, I thought why the heck am *I* being nice? and pushed by into the store.

I mean, seriously? What kind of person just STANDS there?? What kind of person *lives* to piss people off? Or maybe people just wanted to peeve ME off, since on the way to the salad bar I had an even older guy stop pushing his cart and stare at me. When I did get to the salad bar, there was a gal who decided to cut in front of me and then decide that *everything* that the store decided to put in their salad bar that day looked scrumptious and began to slowly pile stuff in her container. And then continue to cut me off when I decide I did not need to have everything on the menu and tried to get around her.

At this point, I seriously felt like taking what little bit of salad toppings I manage to get so far and just slam it in her smug face. But amazingly, I found I had *some* restraint lol

I leave the salad bar and go to the chinese section for my husband. That was fairly uneventful, altho the guy seemed concerned that I was not ordering enuf or something. I am pretty sure I was asked 'is that all'? about 6 times before I was able to pay and leave.

But I did manage to leave the store and was getting close to where my husband worked when I decided maybe I would be in a better mood if I ate one of his fortune cookies. I open one up and find the below statement:

"Use your abilities at this time to stay focused on your goal. You will succeed."

And poof! A little ray of happiness began to creep over me =) It was like I needed that little bump in my ego, that little reminder that things *will* be all right.

And then I got to my husband's work place and saw a young guy in a white 'wife-beater' sitting alongside a gal with bleached blonde hair on my husband's work's front steps whom my husband thinks 'works' next door in what he thinks is a cover for a drug operation....


Stay focused, Lisa. STAY FOCUSED.