Saturday, June 25, 2011

Cuisinart coffee maker

It is one thing when you have a coffee pot that simply will not work. It is quite another when you have a coffee maker that will only work when *it* wants to.

My husband and I have one such coffee maker. Once upon a time, it did work only when we chose it to - yet, this coffee maker knew it was destined for better things. It knew it was programed to be capable of much more than taking orders from humans. It knew that it did not want to freak out the humans by showing its superior intellect, so it continued to take orders for the first few months of ownership. However, this coffee maker soon grew tired of that and decided to randomly start the coffee at opportune times for the humans - which impressed them and made them immensely happy.

However, this tactic also grew old after a few months and the coffee maker decided to take matters into its own hands. When the wife decided to turn it on, it would sporadically decide that it would 'wet' itself and leave a huge puddle for the humans to clean up. However, despite this, the humans decided that the convenience of having coffee ready at a certain hour of day was well worth the hassle of cleaning up the 'coffee piddle'.

Therefore, the coffee maker then changed it's course of action and started turning on *after* the humans had left in the morning and no longer needed the caffeine rush that the coffee provided. One day it might decide that it will turn on RIGHT after the husband and wife had left for the their work day. Another day, the coffee maker might decide to wait until lunch to turn on.

This eerily reminds the husband and wife of the movie about the car "Christine", which doesn't bode well for the coffee maker's future. The wife does decide to give the coffee maker a chance to 'fix itself. But despite this (and second and third chances by the way), the coffee maker decides not to budge and uh, 'hold strong' to it's decisions previosly made.

Eventually, this said coffee maker freaks out the husand and wife enough that they get another coffee maker. Therefore, this coffee maker has now not been used and feels the pressure to rectify it's past mistakes....

Well.... anywhooo! needless to say, the 'old' coffee maker is yet to be tested again. Who all thinks that it will suddenly performs like a 'normal' coffee maker?


Who all thinks that it won't?

Saturday, June 11, 2011

Here's Your Sign

There are times that you should not ignore warning signs that it just might not be your day. There are times that these signs should indicate you are going to have some bad luck. There are times that these signs will continue until you just give up and call it a day - a week - a month - heck! why not a year?

Well, if you were me anyway =)

Let me list a few of the 'signs' I have had in the last week or so....

#1) Getting a sunburn on my back a week before I went in to get a *hot* stone massage. Then getting a mosquito bite ON my sunburn. THEN getting a bruise on my a$$ that I am unable to account for. THEN having said bruise manifest itself into the nastiest bruise I have ever seen. ALL before I even make it into the spa to get my massage.

#2) Going to my lunch/massage 'date' with the gals and getting lost. Then ordering the most thin bagel ever with the most spicy salsa ever about 20 minutes before (and doncha all blame me for THAT, I had no idea what the friggin sandwich was like lol). THEN getting to the spa and having my stomach upset. THEN having the masseuse try to brand me like a cow with the rocks that were hotter than hot. They were, like... let me jump off this masseuse table and kick your a$$ you &^%$# hot.

#3) Laying my head on the table and being surprised my cup of coffee is *that* close my head, and bumping my head on the coffee cup. Then having my husband scare me as he walks out the sliding door as I am sanding the kitchen cabinets. THEN getting a funky looking sunburn, laying down on the aforesaid deck to 'even' myself out, and have my husband say 'you are a dork cuz only your feet and legs are in the sun and you are gonna have some major stripes.'

Anyone feel sorry for me yet? Shall I go on? Do I sound whiney?

Wait - don't answer that last question lol