Thursday, October 7, 2010

Me versus Spider

What is wrong with waking up in the morning, simply getting into the shower and turning on the water and gradually waking up for the day? What is so wrong with expecting that no living creature would *want* to be in your shower considering you *just* cleaned it with enough chemicals a few days before that would kill even you? What is so friggin’ wrong with a spider realizing he/she should NOT be in YOUR shower and either scampering far, far away or making its death quick so you can go ahead with your shower in an uneventful manner?

I guess that really too much of me to ask – or at least, this morning it was – so needless to say, my day was not off to a good start =/ My morning consisted of this:

• Open shower and lean inside to turn on the shower and find out that a spider is slowly swinging its way down on its web towards myself. I refuse to believe spider is trying to be my friend, and hurriedly turn on shower head.

• Spider starts getting wet. However, this is a James Bond sorta spider who defeats the extreme force of water being sprayed at it with one quick movement up. Spider is on the back shower wall in a matter of seconds, inching his last few remaining steps up out of harms way.

• I exclaim WTF?! and do my best to direct the water from the shower head towards the spider on the wall. Spider put on his James Bond wet suit with built in turbo pack and, despite a brief second of inching down the wall from the water, again friggin defeats the force of water and inches his way up the wall.

• I exclaim WTF again and take one of my shampoo bottles to swipe at it. Spider puts on invisible force shield and simply slides down the wall behind the other bottles of stuff found in my shower, which infuriates me further. And yes, I do say a few more choice cuss words…

• I am determined to make this spider go away, even though the thought of it even remotely touching me makes me want to run screaming/crying out of the bathroom. One by one, I start grabbing the bottles of products lining my shelf on the wall the spider is on. As the fourth bottle is removed, I finally see the spider and take the 4th bottle and wildly swing it at the spider, sending it to a corner of the shower’s floor.

• Spider realizes its invisible force shield is not working and puts on its wet suit again, but the water diffuses the turbo feature and he start to slowly inch towards the shower drain from the force of the water. However, not willing to give up that easily, spider manages to push himself slowly away from the drain (cuz, yeah, like all F’N spiders have a F’N gym somewhere they work out to build up their 8 leg muscles to escape perilous water deaths).

• Proving he is not just ANY spider, he manages to get right back to the corner he was in. Super furious at this point, I take the bottle and swing at the spider again. And miss… I swing again and knock said spider unconscious. Unable to contain myself with my newfound ability to seriously maim the spider, I hit him again with the bottle and he appears to give up.

• Not trusting this spider, I manage to spray enuf water to get him moving towards the drain. As I watched him get closer, I *swear* I saw a leg move. Despite him finally moving down the drain, I spent the rest of my time in the shower convinced he would slowly swing one of his powerful legs over the drain and inch himself out of there to attack me.

So yeah, my morning did not go well – how about you all? lol