Thursday, February 19, 2009

The Price of Looking Beautiful

It seems that not everything I make a comment on at work is ignored - altho I sometimes think that maybe it would be better if it had been ignored. Like today..... I have had some issues with eyeliner lately and made the comment that I am thinking I should get it tattooed on my eyes so that I do not have to worry about it anymore. The first eyeliner smeared everywhere at the slightest touch & the second eyeliner would not smear, but I would have to rub my eyes raw before it came off. Not to mention the fact that that if it got on my eyelashes, there seemed to be no way to get it off except plucking my eyelashes out - whether by purpose or the 'oh sh*t' I didnt mean for that to happen sorta thing. Anyway, my comment promptly got the attention of one of my coworkers and she proceeded to tell me how BAD of an idea it was to tattoo it on me. It apparantly concerned her so much that she googled it and clicked past the 'do not view this during working hours warning box' to go to a page that had a BUNCH of people saying what all of the cons are (some sorta Yahoo page I think).

I told her Rosanne Barr had it done, which I realize is not a raging endorsement of any kind, but.... I do not seem to remember pictures of her eyes looking funky. Just the rest of her lol

Well, anyway.... back to eyeliner....

My coworker thought I should try other brands of eyeliner before I made such a rash decision. I acknowledged the rationale in this line of thought and made another comment about seeing what brand of eyeliner I did have. This comment also got me in trouble, as apparantly I am not carrying any sort of brand with me, its one of the cheapest eyeliners you can buy I guess (in my defense, with a name called Wet & Wild on the bottle, how was I supposed to know? lol).

Therefore, I was promptly embarassed by my ability to be cheap on something as critical as makeup to put on my face. So that was a mission tonight - I bought the most (err.... one of the most) expensive eyeliners at .....umm.... Target I could find.

So wish me luck ya'all! Otherwise I may be that friend you dont wanna invite out anywhere cuz I do not have eyelashes and red poofy eyes and look like I did too much meth or sumpin.

Not that I know what meth does to ya lol

Friday, February 6, 2009

A Trip to Home Depot

Once upon a time at a Home Depot, a husband and wife head out to look at hardwood to redo their living room floor with. They stop at a local Mexican restaurant to eat a decent supper, despite how abnormally low the booths were that they had to sit in. They ignored the slow-ish service and the fact that their pants were cutting into their tummys cuz of the odd angle they were sitting and finished their supper and headed out to the car to go to Home Depot to look at the hardwoods.

Once there, they spend many minutes going back and forth between several different kinds of hardwoods in order to decide which one they liked the best. For some reason, Home Depot decides to seperate their choice of hardwoods to buy into two different sections of the store, so husband and wife get a workout making the treks back and forth.

Finally a decision was made and husband and wife were standing at the checkout counter waiting to sign their life away in order to get hardwood put in their house. The checkout gal had to go....err....checkout something....and left husband and wife at the counter waiting. This provided the wife with an opportunity to lean against the counter, stretch out her back that was cramping up from standing so long and take a good look at her husband.

The first thing she notices is that he has decided to start working on a 'soul' patch on his face. Wife comments on this new look, to which he replied:

"Well, I am surprised you would notice that and not my sideburns."

Wife takes another good look and starts laughing at the groovy sideburns her husband now has. These are not normal sideburns, these are sideburns that you would find on someone that is badly wanting to look like a redneck. They start from the ear area and go all the way down to his neck - kinda getting slightly wider as they get further down the neck.

And now the wife can not notice anything else BUT these friggin sideburns that her husband worked so hard on. She now spends her days planning ways to get him to either shave it off or find ways she can shave it off for him. She no longer looks at her husbands beautiful blue eyes when she looks at his face, but instead just sees a scrabbly mass of brownish sideburns that seem to overwhelm his face more every time she looks at him.

She has addressed this issue with her husband, only to have him retort:

"I have just three words for you. FRENCH SILK PIE."

Sunday, February 1, 2009

French Silk Pie

My day has been dominated by French Silk Pie. Not eating it..... but hearing about it. Over and over and over again.....

This morning, one of the first things I accomplished as soon as I got dressed and showered for the day was throwing the last piece of French Silk Pie down the garbage disposal. This was not the only thing to meet its demise in the garbage disposal, but it appears its the only thing that appeared to be important to my husband. Once he comes into the kitchen and helps out by starting dishes, he casually asks:

"Did you throw the pasta away?""

"Yeah" I reply, "Along with the last piece of French Silk Pie & some leftover mashed potatoes."

A once productive husband that was helping his wife out doing dishes suddenly stops washing the dish he is on, turns around with an incredulous look on his face and says:

"WHAT?? Please tell me you really ate the last piece of French Silk Pie."

Ummmm....... needless to say, I had to tell him that I had indeed threw it down the garbage disposal, which I have not heard the end of today. If I mentioned he looked flushed, he said it was because he was still upset about the French Silk Pie. If mentioned someone else looked happy, he would reply that they probably didnt have someone throw their French Silk Pie down the garbage disposal.

So on the way back home after our errands and such today, we were discussing French Silk Pie again for about the 10th time, when I made a mention that he could go to the store and BUY a friggin piece of French Silk Pie if it bothers him so much. He replies that it is very rare to see French Silk Pie sold by the slice at the store, and says that we are headed to the grocery store so he can show me just how right he is. I, of course, am in no mood to go to the store and stand in front of the bakery counter and have him sigh. But that *is* what happened, only with an "I told you so" attached to it.

However, we do not dwell on it (errrr, too much) and move on to other things we need while we are there and head to check out line. We are in the check out lane for a total of 1 minute before someone else is behind us. We both look back at the same time and notice the guy has stacked about 3-4 pies on the conveyer belt.

I look at my husband. He looks at me. We both about loose it - but my husband turns around and tells the guy that he can put the divider behind the pies and we will buy the pies, it would not be a problem at all for us to do so. The guy laughs and says something about us regretting it once all the calories hit our stomachs. My husband laughs also and says, nahh.... thats ok.... its kinda a long story between my wife and I. To which I pipe up and say:

"No, not really. Just a pretty short story repeated MANY times".

So anyway! We make it out of the store, get in the truck and I tell my husband that I have decided that God is taking his side on this French Silk Pie deal. Seriously, lets think about it..... it was the Super Bowl today. Anyone in the grocery store *should* be buying chicken wings, hamburger, steaks, chips, salsa, beer..... ANYTHING else but friggin PIE.

Even the simple lessons in life are really rubbed in my face I tell ya lol