Friggin' Costco

OK, I *thought* I would be able to not let this bother me - I am going for the 'new' me - the one that doesnt obsess over little things such as this. BUT....

Every F'N time I pull out my brand spankin new Costco card, the picture of me on the card makes me wanna make a special trip BACK to Costco - NOT to buy anything with the F'N card, just to get a better F'N picture of me on the card.

I have told myself that I will rarely use the card, so therefore I will not use the card much and not see the stoooopid picture of me plastered on it. I have told myself that even if I see the Costco card, it will just make me laugh and put it back in my purse without a care - without it bothering me that my picture is friggin odd.

Yes, its not that I particularly *look* bad - so to speak. Its just that I look like I F'N have fangs in the picture - I seriously should just go to Hollywood and hand them my F'N Costco card so that I can land a part on 'True Blood' and/or the 'Twilight' movies/shows.

I went there with my husband with my hair back in a ponytail, not ready to have a picture taken of me - cuz, seriously? Arent we grownup enuf now to not have to have our friggin picture on a Costco card? How about a thumbprint? How about nothing at all? How about making a gal feel like she looks 'normal' even when she comes to Costco in sloppy clothes and her hair pulled back in a ponytail?

Honestly, is it so much to ask?

OK, so I am bitter about the whole experience lol

Aggressive or Mean?

Back on 5/27, I decided to check weather.com for the latest ....umm......estimated....weather forecast =) When I did so, I scanned ahead to see what the weather was supposed to be like in the next 10 days. On 6/2, it gave a link that said 'handling mean drivers'.

I had to stop and laugh at this, as it just sounds childish. Mean? Egads..... not all drivers who do not drive just like you are 'mean'. Some are just plain stoopid. Others are really trying their hardest, but never seem to grasp the simple concept of driving (ie. staying between the lines, staying in the slow lane if you are going the speed limit or slower, etc). And others? Others just feel like all the pavement out there is a 'racetrack' made especially for them (like....*cough*...my husband).

Anyway, regardless of how lame sounding a link it might have been, it *did* grab my attention and make me click on the link to find out more. The below is what I found - but I thought I would add some extra comments to it as well lol

How to deal with aggressive drivers:

Common aggressive driving behaviors
Running stop signs and red lights <<--- umm, could just be in a hurry doncha think? I have done it actually, does that make ME aggressive? lol
Speeding, tailgating, and weaving between lanes
Passing on the right of a vehicle
Making inappropriate hand and facial gestures <<-- LOL, serious? define inappropriate? what if the person knew sign language and you didnt? would that be defined as inappropriate? should you not be able to sign as well as text when you drive?
Screaming, honking the horn, and flashing headlights <<-- heck, I have screamed - I admit it. But the windows are rolled up and no one hears me, so who da heck does it bother? lol


If you are confronted by an aggressive driver, or witness aggressive driving behavior, follow these guidelines:
Make every attempt to safely move out of the aggressive driver's way.
Do not challenge an aggressive driver by speeding up or attempting to "hold your own" in the travel lane. <<-- Uh huh. Yeah. Sure.
Always wear your seat belt -- not only will it hold you in your seat and behind the wheel in case you need to make an abrupt driving maneuver, but it will also protect you in a crash. <<-- I actually agree with this, seatbelts are friggin AWESOME. They may seem like a pain to remember to use, but REALLY worth it.
Avoid eye contact with the aggressive driver.
Ignore gestures, and refuse to return them. <<-- Hmm......OK.......BUT......what if it makes ME feel better? lol
Report aggressive drivers to the appropriate authorities by providing a vehicle description, license number, location, and if possible, direction of travel.
If you have a cellular phone, and can use it while driving safely, call the police. Many have special numbers such as 9-1-1.
If an aggressive driver is involved in a crash farther down the road, stop at a safe distance from the crash scene, wait for the police to arrive, and report the driving behavior that you witnessed. <<-- ok, talking of 'mean; this IS friggin mean lol Why doncha be the 'better' person and call the ambulance/cops? Am sure they are gonna ask ya anyway, and really - sometimes people do jus f*ck up ya know?

Source: National Highway Traffic Safety Administration

This One Time @ An Offspring Concert

Someday I am gonna look back on this event and be happy that I have something to remember it by - instead of having it be just like any other concert my husband and I have attended.

SOMEDAY

My husband & I took his daughter, a friend of hers - and then met up with a friend of mine at City Market in KC this last Friday. I was pretty darn excited, as I love 'The Offspring', and its nice to start Memorial Day weekend with sumpin as kewl as that ya know?

Altho, I ended up being anything BUT kewl at the concert. Surrounded by guys/gals with ear plugs, numerous body piercings, a bunch of tattoos and a wide array of hair color - I was one of the very few who looked 'normal'. We had actually managed to get pretty close to the stage for the main act (Offspring) and I was standing there getting more and more impatient by the minute.

Perhaps thats why I did not think when my husband - who suddenly had a beach ball in his hand - told me to hit the ball. This ball had been everywhere already, and it looked like it finally had gotten to me. So I smacked the ball......

Right up front. Right by the security guard. Right by the barricade.

Instantly, I heard at least 1/4 of the crowd 'BOO' me. My husband's daughter and her friend turn around to look at me, laughing. I turn around and look at my husband, who is doubled over in laughter.

*SIGH*

So what does a person do in that situation? I was at a loss - not sure whether to be embarrassed, pissed off or apologize. Seriously, am I the only one who has EVER done something like that?

Wait - dont answer that lol

Some Things You Don't Wanna Know

The other day I decided to sing a random 80's song while in the truck going somewhere with my husband. Problem with me singing most songs is that I usually only know a couple of lyric lines, so in order to make the most of the 2 lines I do know, I tend to sing them over ..... and over... and over =)

This particular song, I decided to be a little more 'dramatic' with my singing, so my vocal range was quite extraordinary. Needless to say, this got my husband looking at me like I was a bit odd. Just when I thought he was doing extremely good not saying anything about my choice of song & my ability to only memorize 2 lines of most songs, he starts laughing.

I was not ready for this reaction at all, which made me pause and ask why he was laughing. He explains that my singing reminded him of a Nascar commercial he had seen. And me, not *quite* sure that I wanted to know why it did, but too curious *not* to ask why - asked why.

He tells me that the commercial is for Carl Edwards, and that they are suggesting 'signature moves' he can do (as Carl is known for his backflips). My singing apparently reminded him of the 'Wounded Unicorn' move.

Is it just me, or is that not really a compliment? lol

Ants

I am *really* getting tired of the ants we have coming into our house. I do believe they are morphing into 'super ant' mode - as it takes a lot to kill them. Not to mention, they must've all developed brains, as their survival skills involve tactics that most insects would not have considered. For the most part, they are all in the kitchen sink and/or counter when I do find them - so I am happy that the kitchen cabinets have managed to do their job in keeping them away. But everytime I go to smash an ant, it takes me several tries because they have started working out or sumpin' and sprint away from the paper towel I usually find acceptable to smash them with. And on multiple occasions, I will raise the paper towel to find the ant motionless on the counter, only to have it take off again unharmed. What da friggin heck happened that a 5 '6'' person is unable to smash a teeny tiny ant? The F'N ant *should* have died darnit! So needless to say alot of times, I try the drowning technique - which usually works, altho I think they all have now decided all members of the ant colony need to take swimming lessons because that doesnt seem to kill them either *uggh*

To add insult to injury, these ants have gotten to be picky eaters. There was a plate that used to have nachos on it earlier in the day not long ago that they ALL bypassed in order to go get the tiny crumb of something better a little further down on the counter. Altho, I could use that to my advantage *evil laugh* I will bake a cake - leave a piece of it out on the counter to have all ants fight over. Either they will get grumpy with another and hostile and kill each other over the delicious cake they scored, or they will eat so much they will feel ill - which will slow them down and enable me to kill them quicker =)

I AM disappointed in my youngest dog tho. She eats June Bugs. She eats rotted leaves. She gnaws on plastic blinds. BUT somehow she doesnt seem to think that maybe she could be useful and eat the ants for me.

Or maybe she is smarter than me and knows that killing ants is a friggin waste of time lol

How to Strike Fear in the Eyes of Your Husband

1. Comment that you want to plant some flowers. Endure the remarks that you will kill anything you plant.
2. Make a trip to Home Depot not long after comment and see gladiola bulbs. Endure another comment by husband about how you will kill them. Decide to get them anyway - despite the sighing and rolled eyes husband gives you.
3. Plant gladiola bulbs. While waiting for bulbs to grow, endure comments that you probably planted the bulbs upside down and that you have killed them already.
4. Notice that 2-3 weeks later that gladiola bulbs ARE indeed growing. Get really excited, make numerous comments of your own that they are growing. Show husband the area you planted them in order to give him proof that you do not kill ALL green things.
5. Mow lawn several weeks later. Have husband weed eat/trim while doing so. Finish mowing front yard and stop to pull any weeds that are amongst your gladiolas - notice that one of the gladiolas looks like a rabbit had munched on it.
6. Look at husband weed eating/trimming. Look at gladiola. Think to yourself that you have never heard of anyone say rabbits got ahold of their gladiolas. Look back at husband weed eating/trimming. Decide it was husband's fault that the gladiola ain't looking so great.
7. Stop what you are doing. Go get husband and bring him back to the gladiola area. Point to shredded gladiola. Firmly tell your husband that WAS a gladiola.
8. Have husband's eyes get big - have husband curse and defend himself by saying he thought it was a weed. Have husband hurriedly go back to weed-eating/trimming.

Sometimes it Takes Balls to be a Woman

It is now almost 12:30 AM and I *really* should be in bed. Instead, my husband is busy downloading music from iTunes and I have managed to stay awake while he is doing so while perusing the internet world. Altho, hearing songs such as 'Sometimes it Takes Balls to be a Woman' blaring from the speakers is enuf to help a gal stay awake. At first you think you misunderstood the words, but when you look at your husband and he is grinning, it is obvious you heard exactly right. Courtesy of 'Outlaw Country' on Sirius Radio, my husband was introduced to a singer named Elizabeth Cook - who lends her vocal abilities to this song. Honestly, the song itself is pretty good - but if you ever get bored and wanna google the video for it, you may be a bit disturbed.

But anyway, thats all I gotta say about that =)

In other news, I have found a way to bother people at work without being blatantly obvious about it. It seems that the people at work have become fond of the geese that have considered our office area their home. I find this a bit ironic, as two of these geese ended up pairing off and parking their featherey behinds RIGHT by the door to get into the office. This would have been fine if the geese had been the sort of geese to honk a happy greeting our way as we went by, but they ended up being the kind that decided hissing and running after the people was the better course of action. And at the beginning, I was rootin' for these geese, as it prevented the smokers from standing right in front of the door. However, after feeding them some bread an being rewarded by having them try to attack me still, I decided they were on their own.

So fast forward a bit, the geese eventually have a good reason to be defensive, because there is now an egg/nest by the door. People are wanting something done about the geese, but the fact that these are Canadian Geese present a problem - they are protected by law and you need a permit to have them removed. So..... geese and my coworkers adjust to their living conditions, and everyone seems to adapting fairly well. One day tho, the male was not there - and the next day, the female and egg was gone as well.

So this had everyone a bit worried, despite their initial grumpiness towards the geese, they seemed to genuinely care what had happened to them. So I casually mention the first day they talked about it that I had seen a fox in the area. They talked about the geese disappearing the next day, and I remarked that I had seen a fox in the area the other day. The third day comes and they again are wondering where the geese are. And yet again, I inform them I had seen a fox in the area the other day. One of my coworkers had enuf and said:

"We get it Lisa, you saw a fox. STOP talking about it."

In my defense tho, I DID see a fox in the area lol