Tuesday, October 25, 2011

My Jenn-Air

I feel like I am just learning to bake all over again with my new Jenn-Air appliances. I get all excited when my oven bleeps at me in its happy little language that its ready to bake something for me. And I get even more tickled when it bleeps at me again saying my food is done.

However, I get a little annoyed when my stove determines that my pots and pans I previously had for my old stovetop are not good enough to cook on it. It is frustrating to put one copper bottom pan on and have it bleep at me and refuse to work. It is even more frustrating when I put one of my stainless steel pans (uhh, in my case, my *good* pans) on it and it still bleeps and flashes some weird symbol at me. After I look through my user guide, I see that this weird symbol basically is supposed to tell me to f*cking put some other pot to cook on the stovetop, cuz like, I am too good to have lowly copper bottom/stainless steel crud.

So anyway, as y'all can guess, I have been taking learning my new appliances and all their quirks very seriously lately. So when my husband decided to go out with the guys one night and remarked that I will spend the time trying to be a 'Level 3' Jenn-Air master while he was gone, my first reaction was to question it with 'Really? they have that sorta competition/training?'

Yeah, I need a life....

Or some time away from my kitchen lol

Monday, October 17, 2011

It is NOT acceptable when...

Yes, I know I just had a previous blog post where I made it apparent about how disgusted I was with Netflix. And yes, I know I *should* follow that blog post with one that shows how I find that the world IS my oyster. Perhaps a blog post on how I see why everything is done for a reason, how everyone has something great to give the world, and how my life couldn't get any better.

THAT was not how things felt to me this last week, so I am gonna rant away...

#1 It is NOT acceptable when you are sitting in a restaurant with your husband and his daughter and the one single f'n fly that has managed to still be around indoors and outdoors makes its way to our table and flies right up to my face as I am eating. It is NOT acceptable when I say this is NOT acceptable, that it is NOT fair that every fly always manages to find me and ME only and my husband answers with a question, "Fly? What fly? I see no fly. What about you Holly?"

Yeah. Not cool..

#2 It is NOT acceptable when you go to Whole Foods to get lunch with two of your friends and manage to get in trouble by a little old lady because you took a picture of their friggin OLIVE BAR. It is NOT acceptable this little old lady then involves someone else in their salad bar area who also tells you how bad taking a picture of olives is, while all the while your stomach is growling and all you friggin want is to eat something.

Yeah. Not eating there again... Or if I do, I am gonna take a picture of EVERYTHING!!!!! So F'N there *grr*

#3 It is NOT acceptable when you are going thru a McDonald's drive thru with your husband and find out you have *three* white hairs. It is NOT acceptable to have your husband answer your distress by saying that he has had a streak of white hair for YEARS.

Yeah. SO not cool...

So let's summarize this blog post shall we? It is not cool for me to get white hair, be bombarded by flies and get in trouble by the Whole Foods police. Ideally, I would never get white hair, flies would turn around and bug someone else, and Whole Foods would have 'Half Foods' across the street that puts them out of business.

The End.

Monday, October 3, 2011

Dear Netflix

To Whom it May Concern:

While it may not be painfully obvious to you, when a gal tries to search your streaming selection for a romance to make her feel good, PLEASE do not suggest movie titles such as The Kreutzer Sonata. Yes - I do know that you warned me that the wife was *possibly* straying from the relationship and that the husband was definitely the jealous type. Yes, I do know that you mentioned that the wife is unhappy in having to give up her career. YET, when one thinks of a romance, they imagine a happy ending.

Again - YES, I realize the definition of romance encompasses excitement and "mystery". And YES - I do realize the two main characters in this movie truly did love each other - at least at some point. BUT, please at least warn a gal that your definition of romance and mine have two entirely different results.

I do not need to go to bed wondering if my husband might be jealous enough to stalk me. I do not need to go to bed knowing that my husband could make me feel like a 'caged' animal. And a great big thanks for letting me go to bed with visions of this gal's husband slashing her in the face and stabbing her in the stomach.

Please note that maybe - just MAYBE - you should define your movies more narrowly or either quit pushing your depressing love life, sick and twisted ideas of reality on me. I would rather stay in my 'bubble' of happiness and naivety, as it's a WAY more optimistic life than yours apparently.

Have a good night. NOT.


Disgruntled & disturbed customer