Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Ohh Deer!

Yes - there were a bunch of them at dinner tonight. Not alive, mind you.... but many greeted me as I walked into Bunga whomever's lodge this evening for dinner with my husband. If I had been fully awake and not intent on being so grumpy, *maybe* I would have had the common sense to tell my husband that the aforesaid place was perhaps not the best place to take me. As my husband so willingly explained to the guy who had the privilage of being our host/taking our name as soon as we stepped in the door...

"Stuffed heads on the wall kinda freak my wife out...."

AND let the reader please note that this was mentioned after the host thought my husband was friggin *admiring* all the taxidermy work. AND even after it was explained why we were talking about it, the host still was oblivious to the horror on my face and led us thru the maze of tables and taxidermy work where we would be seated, exclaiming...

"REALLY??? You have never have been here? "

Uhh..... like DUHHHH dude..... remember the stuffed heads comment?

Anyway! He seats us by the fireplace and I think to myself that this *might* not be so bad. In retroflect, sitting by a fireplace is almost somewhat romantic. And as I sit down and look up above the fireplace, I look a HUGE stuffed head of a moose right in the eyes....

And then I look back at my husband ....

He looks at me and loses it, laughing and shaking his head as he says, "I really know how to pick a good place to eat..."

As I look behind my husband, I have to agree, since there is a bear skin hanging on the wall and multiple antlers hanging from the ceiling. Yet, the intermittent  advertisements by 'Bill' and the animals over the intercom over the 'electrifying' times to be had there as we had some of the slowest service EVER was not much better.

The rum/diet coke I had helped tho..... especially near the end of the dinner when I heard some loud sound and looked up to see a fish flapping around on the wall...

And that's when the tears of laughter started lol

Friday, November 18, 2011

Women Are Tough

No, really. They are.... more so than you would think...

Some women are tough emotionally. Me? Well, emotional stability eludes me most times - BUT I am physically tough. I have moved a heavy wooden table across one room to another by pushing it with my feet. I have sat on a nail while trying to watch my husband work out in the garage and managed to deal with the pain by running inside and cussing like a sailor. I have grouted a kitchen floor, sealed a deck and mowed in the same day and only had rum as my pain reliever. And I have managed to move a wine rack with a heavy granite top down the basement stairs with only a few minor scuffs on the wall....

So yesterday was really no exception when it came to a new level of pain. The aforesaid kitchen floor had not been totally finished, so I was in the kitchen ready to grout some more when my husband picked up one of the slate tiles to mastic/adhere to the kitchen floor. One thing led to another and he playfully swung it to one side and then the other side...

That other side happened to be my nose...

Believe it or not, the tile broke in half and I stepped back in disbelief. I was in shock. And I believe my husband was too - as this was something that would typically happen to me (as I am usually the one accidently hurting him). My hand slowly goes to my nose and he steps forward to make sure I was ok.

I step back.

He tries again. I step back again. All this done without many words spoken...

I didn't cry. I didn't whine. I didn't yell.

I just didn't want it to happen again lol

Needless to say, my husband felt terrible and when he asked, "Ya know when your parents said it hurts them worse then it hurts you?", I suddenly stopped backing up.

Cuz, I understood. NOT because my parents ever said that to me. BUT because I always wished they had.

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Step #2 - Tile Floor

A few years back, I might have thought that doing the tile in my kitchen was no big deal. However, that would have meant I was younger and better equipped to deal with the consequences of doing our tile floor myself. Not only physically, but emotionally as well - anymore, I look at our kitchen floor covered with 3/4 of the tiles and think that maybe - just maybe - it doesn't really matter if I have the other 1/4 of the tiles and grouting is way overrrated.

And then reality sets in and I try to do the mature thing and finish what I started lol

I am not able to help the feeling of animosity, tho, when I realize the number of tiles I *thought* I grouted really isn't much when I get my butt off the tiles to take a look at my progress. The 'look at me go!' feeling is replaced by one of 'no f'n wayyyyy' when I realize that my hands are permanently 'claw-shaped' because I spent a good hour on 4 tiles.

Yeah. FOUR flippin' tilessssss....

It is also sad to see me run outside to wash off the sponge that I use to wipe down the tiles. Not only because I go to end of the deck, turn on hose and pathetically spray as much as possible onto the sponge to get rid of the grout embedded in the it, but because it has also been f'n raining the past 2 days.

I am sure if one was to secretly camcord me, they would wonder why I don't just put the sponge down on the deck and let Mother Nature help me out. Especially since I take off my socks as I go outside and eventually walk across the 'clean' tiles with wet feet leaving footprints.

Honestly, I swear my feet are beginning to look 'claw-like' too from this friggin' grouting *sigh*

I think my body is trying to tell me something lol

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

My Jenn-Air

I feel like I am just learning to bake all over again with my new Jenn-Air appliances. I get all excited when my oven bleeps at me in its happy little language that its ready to bake something for me. And I get even more tickled when it bleeps at me again saying my food is done.

However, I get a little annoyed when my stove determines that my pots and pans I previously had for my old stovetop are not good enough to cook on it. It is frustrating to put one copper bottom pan on and have it bleep at me and refuse to work. It is even more frustrating when I put one of my stainless steel pans (uhh, in my case, my *good* pans) on it and it still bleeps and flashes some weird symbol at me. After I look through my user guide, I see that this weird symbol basically is supposed to tell me to f*cking put some other pot to cook on the stovetop, cuz like, I am too good to have lowly copper bottom/stainless steel crud.

So anyway, as y'all can guess, I have been taking learning my new appliances and all their quirks very seriously lately. So when my husband decided to go out with the guys one night and remarked that I will spend the time trying to be a 'Level 3' Jenn-Air master while he was gone, my first reaction was to question it with 'Really? they have that sorta competition/training?'

Yeah, I need a life....

Or some time away from my kitchen lol

Monday, October 17, 2011

It is NOT acceptable when...

Yes, I know I just had a previous blog post where I made it apparent about how disgusted I was with Netflix. And yes, I know I *should* follow that blog post with one that shows how I find that the world IS my oyster. Perhaps a blog post on how I see why everything is done for a reason, how everyone has something great to give the world, and how my life couldn't get any better.

THAT was not how things felt to me this last week, so I am gonna rant away...

#1 It is NOT acceptable when you are sitting in a restaurant with your husband and his daughter and the one single f'n fly that has managed to still be around indoors and outdoors makes its way to our table and flies right up to my face as I am eating. It is NOT acceptable when I say this is NOT acceptable, that it is NOT fair that every fly always manages to find me and ME only and my husband answers with a question, "Fly? What fly? I see no fly. What about you Holly?"

Yeah. Not cool..

#2 It is NOT acceptable when you go to Whole Foods to get lunch with two of your friends and manage to get in trouble by a little old lady because you took a picture of their friggin OLIVE BAR. It is NOT acceptable this little old lady then involves someone else in their salad bar area who also tells you how bad taking a picture of olives is, while all the while your stomach is growling and all you friggin want is to eat something.

Yeah. Not eating there again... Or if I do, I am gonna take a picture of EVERYTHING!!!!! So F'N there *grr*

#3 It is NOT acceptable when you are going thru a McDonald's drive thru with your husband and find out you have *three* white hairs. It is NOT acceptable to have your husband answer your distress by saying that he has had a streak of white hair for YEARS.

Yeah. SO not cool...

So let's summarize this blog post shall we? It is not cool for me to get white hair, be bombarded by flies and get in trouble by the Whole Foods police. Ideally, I would never get white hair, flies would turn around and bug someone else, and Whole Foods would have 'Half Foods' across the street that puts them out of business.

The End.

Monday, October 3, 2011

Dear Netflix

To Whom it May Concern:

While it may not be painfully obvious to you, when a gal tries to search your streaming selection for a romance to make her feel good, PLEASE do not suggest movie titles such as The Kreutzer Sonata. Yes - I do know that you warned me that the wife was *possibly* straying from the relationship and that the husband was definitely the jealous type. Yes, I do know that you mentioned that the wife is unhappy in having to give up her career. YET, when one thinks of a romance, they imagine a happy ending.

Again - YES, I realize the definition of romance encompasses excitement and "mystery". And YES - I do realize the two main characters in this movie truly did love each other - at least at some point. BUT, please at least warn a gal that your definition of romance and mine have two entirely different results.

I do not need to go to bed wondering if my husband might be jealous enough to stalk me. I do not need to go to bed knowing that my husband could make me feel like a 'caged' animal. And a great big thanks for letting me go to bed with visions of this gal's husband slashing her in the face and stabbing her in the stomach.

Please note that maybe - just MAYBE - you should define your movies more narrowly or either quit pushing your depressing love life, sick and twisted ideas of reality on me. I would rather stay in my 'bubble' of happiness and naivety, as it's a WAY more optimistic life than yours apparently.

Have a good night. NOT.


Disgruntled & disturbed customer

Saturday, September 10, 2011

Turtle Concrete

Sounds yummy huh? =) It was - well, most of it was anyway. The name does not do it justice actually - as it is full of fudge, caramel, candied walnuts and more unhealthy goodness that I will spare y'all. Suffice it to say, it was something I looked forward to eating - every single bite of it.

And suffice it to say, every single bite did not reach my mouth. There is a reason you should not try to eat these sorts of decadent desserts while traveling down the road at 65 plus miles an hour. Granted, I am not that coordinated, BUT...

When it comes to having fudge, caramel, candied walnuts amidst ice cream - err, sorry! technically, it was frozen custard (but both taste pretty much the same to me when laden with sinful ingredients such as fudge, etc.), I take consuming every bite very seriously. So as I drove out of town and got on the highway, I found it frustrating that I had one of the bites intended for my mouth hit my pant leg.

Another bite was more successful. Yet, the third bite was less so, as it hit the steering wheel of my jeep. I managed to hurriedly shove the spoonful of concrete into my mouth two more times before mishap happened again. This time, it splattered on my shirt, and as I said a few choice words I managed to sneak another successful bite of concrete in my mouth before the next hit the top of my shirt and sank in between my uh, err... woman parts on the upper portion of my body.

I dab quickly at the many spots made by the concrete and try to consume the rest in record time. Yet, even though I was fairly successful at doing so, the next spoonful of concrete hits my seatbelt. As I try to wipe it off, I smear it further down the upper portion of my seatbelt, leaving a sticky smear of 'stuff that should not be on your seatbelt' behind.

Anyway! There was not too much concrete left after this, but still a lot of sticky concrete residue to clean up. And a lot of explaining to my husband why my jeep is so dirty! lol

JK! =) Uhh, kinda...

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

The Benefits of Exercise?

I am not sure I can exercise anymore. I am not sure it's beneficial for me and/or others around me. I must be doing something right, as I have managed to inspire my husband to exercise as well - AND get us both a gym membership.

Yet, it never does feel quite 'right'. I walk around the indoor track at the gym with my husband and manage to say 'owwww', 'uggh' or some other frustrated and pessimistic word about every lap. I get on the stair stepper and try to work out 20 - 25 minutes, which seem like an eternity cuz my legs are on fire, my arms ache, and my breathing sounds so horrid that little old ladies working out next to me sound 10 times better.

I have tried swimming laps at the gym, but have realized I really don't know how to swim. I have people in other lanes swimming from one end to the other in record time. And me? I stand in the water, start trying to do the breast stroke and somehow move downward into the 4 feet of water. I manage to end up doing the doggie paddle, which looks extremely pathetic in a pool of expert swimmers. I am even unable to doggie paddle even a quarter of the way, and end up getting embarrassed at my apparent lack of swimming ability that I drag my dripping self out of the water and scurry into the restroom/shower area before anyone can really get a good idea of who that untalented swimmer was.

And in an effort to make myself feel better tonight, I stuck with a workout DVD I am familiar with. Yet, I decided I was able to move on to Disc #2 since I had done Disc #1 for a number of weeks and have managed to somewhat master it.

Well..... Disc #2 was put into the DVD player and I stood there ready. BUT not ready for Mr Tony who decided to crank things up to twice the speed. Initially, I did not think it was going to be bad, and managed to exercise and look at Mr Tony in his short sky blue shorts and think he looked pretty silly wearing them. As each minute went on, the workout was more intense and I had no time to make fun of him in his pretty blue shorts. Altho, I was getting irritable with each passing minute....

So here I am - most of my body is already sore, and I am not sure if I will get out of bed tomorrow. In fact, sleeping, taking lots of painkiller and alcohol sounds pretty much like heaven right now.

Yeah, yeah.... don't judge me .... you would do the same lol

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Wait a Minute, Mr Postman!

I have developed a lack of faith in our postal system - largely due to the postman we have been assigned in the KC suburb in which we live. Not to say that I have been impressed with the post offices elsewhere either, tho. Let's just say the ability for them to do their job effectively has led me to believe they only employ angry, unhappy people.

Our latest problems started in Deadwood, South Dakota on the day we were going to leave to come back home from the Sturgis Harley Rally. Box was found to ship our dirty clothes so we didn't have to have as much on the bike on the way back. Box taped, box had address added to top of it, and box was paid for, and the estimated arrival date was 4 days later.

We arrive home and wait the estimated amount of days for the package to arrive. We wait another 4 days and still no package shows up on our doorstep. Needless to say, we start to worry that there was someone with a dirty laundry fetish - yet, the only recourse we have is to call the Deadwood, SD post office for clues as to where it went since we did not pay to track it. We had to head out of town, so we decided to wait another 4 days before calling.

And guess what? We were greeted by a post office pickup slip saying we had a package to pick up in our mailbox when we got back into town. It even said this was their 'final' notice. Not only were we greeted with that, but we also had a box stuck in the mailbox that the postman amazingly managed to fit inside. It was stuck in there so well that my husband could not get it out. He had to cut open the end of the box and pull out what was inside.

I was not surprised that this pissed off my husband - the postman has made me grumpy by doing this three other times. Yet, I was surprised to hear my husband declare he was writing the postman a note. He disappeared downstairs for a bit to get a pen/paper and when I saw him next he presented me the note for my review. And uhhh... well, uhh... I will spare y'all with the letter in its entirety, but it began like this:

"If you insist on being a jackass, I will insist on calling in complaints."

So, anywhooo lol Note was added to mailbox, postman came the next day and left more mail and left box/note inside. We are not sure he saw the note - as we dunno if he even bothers to look inside the mailbox before stuffing stuff in. This led to my husband calling the postman's supervisor and complaining - to which the supervisor reassured my husband that the postman would come back that afternoon and take out the box if we will leave our key in the slot.

Key was left - and we take the note out. Afternoon/evening went by and still key/box was there. We take the key out too, as we are not comfortable with other people having access to our box. Early this afternoon the dogs start barking - I managed to get to the door a few minutes later because I was busy getting dressed for an interview. Guess what I find on the doorstep?

The empty box the postman was supposed to remove! It appears that the postman now wants to be a smartass instead of a jackass lol

Saturday, August 13, 2011

Sturgis 2011

Anyone who knows me knows that I have a love/hate relationship with riding on the Harley with my husband every year to Sturgis, South Dakota. This year was not any different, as I had lots that I endured that I found not to be an 'ideal' situation. For instance, a yellow bug hitting your pants leg and splattering over your pants and your nearby thumb is NOT cool. One would say its actually kinda gross.

One would also say that riding on a Harley through a rain/hail storm is not an ideal situation either. Or smelling guys/gals who decided that taking showers are overrated. Or seeing gals who decided that its too hot to wear anything except pasties on their upper portion of their bodies. Or making the trip up there and back with a severe cold/sinus infection.... Or...

Well, you get my point =)

However, there are a lot of other things that made the trip worth it. Like the fact that at one of our stops we saw a hefty biker guy sitting on a bench outside a gas station with a chihuahua held lovingly in the crook of his arm. Like the fact that everytime we hit a bump, my husband would reach back and pat my leg reassuringly. Like the fact that I saw prairie dogs popping out of their holes to look around as we were riding down the road. Like the fact that the biker guys we saw up there would hold the doors open for their gals. Like the fact that my husband bought me a stuffed rabbit and before we headed off from a stop, he pulls the rabbit's plush paw out of the saddlebag to 'wave' at me. And like the fact that there were some of the most beautiful skies on this trip that I have seen...

And with that last bit being said, I will post one of my pictures of the sky I took =)

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

The Disagreement

The other night my husband and I had a disagreement - which led me to decide I was going to go sleep elsewhere in the house. I took my iPad and headed to one of the spare bedrooms, turned on a NetFlix movie, put my headphones on and tried to forget about how peeved I was at my husband. To my husband's credit, he did come to see my not once - but twice - to get me to come back to bed. However, I wanted to make sure he knew I was mad, and refused to do so.

My husband goes back to bed, and as the Netflix movie ends, I fall asleep on the spare bedroom floor. Soon after, I realize that there are crabs biting and pinching me as I lay there. It started off with just a couple, and soon at least ten of them were biting me. And as I start to cry out and swat at them, I wake up, grab my blanket and start running down the hallway.

And halfway down the hallway I stop...

I realize it was a dream and I was still angry at my husband lol So I go to the other spare bedroom and fall asleep on the floor there. My husband soon after came and woke me up to tell me to come to bed for a third time, and I grudgingly obliged.

The next day I relate my story to him and he remarks that I was probably dreaming of crabs cuz I was 'crabby'.

AND that's when the next fight started lol

Saturday, June 25, 2011

Cuisinart coffee maker

It is one thing when you have a coffee pot that simply will not work. It is quite another when you have a coffee maker that will only work when *it* wants to.

My husband and I have one such coffee maker. Once upon a time, it did work only when we chose it to - yet, this coffee maker knew it was destined for better things. It knew it was programed to be capable of much more than taking orders from humans. It knew that it did not want to freak out the humans by showing its superior intellect, so it continued to take orders for the first few months of ownership. However, this coffee maker soon grew tired of that and decided to randomly start the coffee at opportune times for the humans - which impressed them and made them immensely happy.

However, this tactic also grew old after a few months and the coffee maker decided to take matters into its own hands. When the wife decided to turn it on, it would sporadically decide that it would 'wet' itself and leave a huge puddle for the humans to clean up. However, despite this, the humans decided that the convenience of having coffee ready at a certain hour of day was well worth the hassle of cleaning up the 'coffee piddle'.

Therefore, the coffee maker then changed it's course of action and started turning on *after* the humans had left in the morning and no longer needed the caffeine rush that the coffee provided. One day it might decide that it will turn on RIGHT after the husband and wife had left for the their work day. Another day, the coffee maker might decide to wait until lunch to turn on.

This eerily reminds the husband and wife of the movie about the car "Christine", which doesn't bode well for the coffee maker's future. The wife does decide to give the coffee maker a chance to 'fix itself. But despite this (and second and third chances by the way), the coffee maker decides not to budge and uh, 'hold strong' to it's decisions previosly made.

Eventually, this said coffee maker freaks out the husand and wife enough that they get another coffee maker. Therefore, this coffee maker has now not been used and feels the pressure to rectify it's past mistakes....

Well.... anywhooo! needless to say, the 'old' coffee maker is yet to be tested again. Who all thinks that it will suddenly performs like a 'normal' coffee maker?


Who all thinks that it won't?

Saturday, June 11, 2011

Here's Your Sign

There are times that you should not ignore warning signs that it just might not be your day. There are times that these signs should indicate you are going to have some bad luck. There are times that these signs will continue until you just give up and call it a day - a week - a month - heck! why not a year?

Well, if you were me anyway =)

Let me list a few of the 'signs' I have had in the last week or so....

#1) Getting a sunburn on my back a week before I went in to get a *hot* stone massage. Then getting a mosquito bite ON my sunburn. THEN getting a bruise on my a$$ that I am unable to account for. THEN having said bruise manifest itself into the nastiest bruise I have ever seen. ALL before I even make it into the spa to get my massage.

#2) Going to my lunch/massage 'date' with the gals and getting lost. Then ordering the most thin bagel ever with the most spicy salsa ever about 20 minutes before (and doncha all blame me for THAT, I had no idea what the friggin sandwich was like lol). THEN getting to the spa and having my stomach upset. THEN having the masseuse try to brand me like a cow with the rocks that were hotter than hot. They were, like... let me jump off this masseuse table and kick your a$$ you &^%$# hot.

#3) Laying my head on the table and being surprised my cup of coffee is *that* close my head, and bumping my head on the coffee cup. Then having my husband scare me as he walks out the sliding door as I am sanding the kitchen cabinets. THEN getting a funky looking sunburn, laying down on the aforesaid deck to 'even' myself out, and have my husband say 'you are a dork cuz only your feet and legs are in the sun and you are gonna have some major stripes.'

Anyone feel sorry for me yet? Shall I go on? Do I sound whiney?

Wait - don't answer that last question lol

Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Har Dee Har Har

Apparently I should not try to communicate with my husband when I have been in pain and have taken painkillers to alleviate aforesaid pain. The other night my husband and I decided to call it a night and put down our iPads to cease our internet surfing and shut off the lights. I was not laying there long when I decided I needed to go to the restroom. I made it to the restroom down the hallway safely in the dark, and then made my way back to bed. I was almost there when my foot bumped into something, jamming one of my toes. I immediately begin to cuss, hop around on one foot and inform my husband that *now* would not be a good time to ask me if I am ok.

My husband wisely listens to me and decides not to comment until I had managed to get in bed and position myself so I was able to again consider going to sleep. Naturally, he was curious about what I had bumped into and asked me what it was. To which I replied:

"Uh, you know, it's that dirt picker upper thing."

The bed starts vibrating with his silent laughter, as he asks: "You mean the vacuum sweeper?"

"Yeah, yeah.... whatever." I answer.

My husband managed to control his laughter for a few minutes and as we are laying there in the dark, he asks me another question.

"Why aren't you using that thing to sleep with?"

"What thing?" I ask.

"You know, the neck propper upper thing."

Uggh.. good thing neck propper upper thing was not in the bed or he would've been thumped on the head with it.

Friday, May 27, 2011

2 Things That Don't Go Together

There are times when there are things said or done that just make you wonder 'why me'? You wonder doesn't this happen to other people? Well, anyway, you do if you are me - and that constantly seems to be a theme with my blog posts. I seriously need to start an anonymous poll someday to see if these sorts of things happen to others on a consistent basis. Cuz like, it ain't cool lol

Nahhh =) Some of it is fine - I, uh, just don't know how to handle some of it that comes my way. Or maybe I overanalyze things to death. Maybe it really isn't that big of deal to other people? Maybe I am on the very fine edge of losing it and holding it together? Err, anywayy...

So let's start with Hulu shall we? I am a Grey's Anatomy fan. I am not quite sure why, as it never really leaves you with that warm, happy fuzzy feeling that I seek but, nevertheless, I like the show. Not too long ago, I got into the show and was playing 'catch up' on episodes. I then got to a season that wasn't playing the 'reruns' yet, which eventually killed my addiction.

Temporarily. Then along came Hulu and I was able to feed my addiction once again. Episode after episode I watched until one day Hulu stopped and displayed this message:

"You have been watching for over 3 hours, do you need a break?"

Uhh, wha da heck? Thanks? Wait, no thanks! I mean, geesh... you think I have a problem? Well, watch this! And I click out of there and, uh.... take a break.

In other news, I recently had an interview that I got all decked out for. I had the dress, the shoes, the hair, the makeup - the whole thing - I had it going on. Well, not quite...

I walked up to the front door of the building that day and slowly felt my thigh high hose slide down my leg. And of course there are two guys in front of the building talking and one walking in front of me as I tried to be as discreet as possible by rubbing my other leg up against it to somehow push it upwards. Yet, I couldn't slow down and bring *more* attention to myself, so I kept walking. I was sure despite my desperate attempt at being discreet, it was more obvious by me doing something. So I gave up - and as I clunked up to the door in shoes that only me could make look UN-sexy, my hose fell all the way down to my knee - past my skirt.

And then the guy in front of me opened the door to let me in first - yeah, wasn't that super friggin fantastic of him? lol Normally, that would be ok, but... yeah, not so much that day. I made it to the elevator (which thankfully is not where the guy was going), got in it and pushed the button and hiked up my hose fairly successfully. I then look down to see the other leg had a run in it from the toe all the way up and sighed. I looked up to see the elevator hadn't moved. I pushed the button again, only to find out that I needed a badge to use the friggin elevator. The only positive thing was that it was a good hiding place to deal with my hose at the time.

We will assume there were no cameras in the elevator for the sake of my sanity lol

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Spinal Tap - Tiny Stonehenge

The other day I ordered 2 rugs and some blinds from Home Depot. I ordered these online, as there seemed to be more of a selection and I have a deep-rooted disgust about shopping at any store. I have too many problems shopping at a store, so really, it is best for everyone concerened if I just do my shopping online. Well, uh.... usually....

I receive the first rug and the blinds and was pretty pleased - they were what I expected, so it was pretty uneventful when they made their appearance at our humble abode. Two more days pass by and the other rug had not shown up yet. This has me a bit grumpy, as I am ready to put down a rug by the garage door that will cover most of the hallway-ish area and protect our floors. I look up its status on the UPS site and find out it arrived around 7A at the Kansas UPS site. It was now almost 5P and still no rug had been dropped off at our door.

But finally! The truck shows up, and as I peep out my office window to make sure it was the UPS guy, I see him get out with the package, hear the doorbell ring 10 seconds later, and then see him leaving 5 seconds after that.

Uhh, ok - thanks for making sure the person is home dude! But neveryoumind - I didn't really wanna talk to you anyway lol

So.... excited me runs down the stairs, opens the door, grabs the package and shuts the door about the 5 minutes before my husband arrives home. So needless to say, he got to hear how disgusted I was with UPS, how I have been waiting for this rug, and more. My husband remains optimistic and basically tries to end the conversation about said rug with "Well, at least you have it now".

I glance at him and decide to start opening the package. The rug is rolled up and wrapped in thick plastic - tied at the ends with plastic ties. I am impatient, and instead of doing the sane thing (like get scissors or something), I start ripping into the plastic with my fingernails grumpily. This apparantly worries my husband, as he takes the package away from me and opens it up for me.

And pulls it out....

And looks at it...

And snorts as he asks, "Is it supposed to be this small?"

He holds it up for me to see and I am immediately disgusted all over again. Instead of a 2 foot by 9 foot rug, it is more like a 2 foot by 9 inches rug.

And as I sit there and stutter and grumble and say that maybe it will work after all, husband takes it to the garage door area and sets it down.

The next thing I knowis he is leaning over, his hand bracing himself on the wall by the garage door, staring at the rug. And friggin laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing...

You need pix you say? Well, I dont have any of him laughing, but I can provide you with the before and afters of the rug. Needless to say, I think I might now understand why it was 2 more days before I got this rug. I think the UPS peeps were like WTF?? lol

Monday, May 9, 2011

A Little Happiness in a Fortune Cookie

Well, let me first start this blog post off by saying I have had a tough day emotionally. I have been in a super funky mood ever since I woke up and it hasn't gotten any better. My dogs even haven't been much help, as the youngest one peed on the new carpet and now refuses to go outside. She just sits there and looks at me like its no fair that *I* get to pee inside and she doesn't.

I did manage to get away from the house for a bit to take my husband some lunch and go to the bank. But even that didnt go so well - as the grocery store I decided to stop at for lunch (since I needed a birthday card for a sister who doesn't send me birthday cards - but anyway - thats a whole new blog post) did not go well either.

I get there and try to park and an older man is purposely walking slow - blocking the parking spot I want. I finally get parked and out of the jeep and when I get to the store's door, he is standing there in the middle of it. So since he was being rude, I thought why the heck am *I* being nice? and pushed by into the store.

I mean, seriously? What kind of person just STANDS there?? What kind of person *lives* to piss people off? Or maybe people just wanted to peeve ME off, since on the way to the salad bar I had an even older guy stop pushing his cart and stare at me. When I did get to the salad bar, there was a gal who decided to cut in front of me and then decide that *everything* that the store decided to put in their salad bar that day looked scrumptious and began to slowly pile stuff in her container. And then continue to cut me off when I decide I did not need to have everything on the menu and tried to get around her.

At this point, I seriously felt like taking what little bit of salad toppings I manage to get so far and just slam it in her smug face. But amazingly, I found I had *some* restraint lol

I leave the salad bar and go to the chinese section for my husband. That was fairly uneventful, altho the guy seemed concerned that I was not ordering enuf or something. I am pretty sure I was asked 'is that all'? about 6 times before I was able to pay and leave.

But I did manage to leave the store and was getting close to where my husband worked when I decided maybe I would be in a better mood if I ate one of his fortune cookies. I open one up and find the below statement:

"Use your abilities at this time to stay focused on your goal. You will succeed."

And poof! A little ray of happiness began to creep over me =) It was like I needed that little bump in my ego, that little reminder that things *will* be all right.

And then I got to my husband's work place and saw a young guy in a white 'wife-beater' sitting alongside a gal with bleached blonde hair on my husband's work's front steps whom my husband thinks 'works' next door in what he thinks is a cover for a drug operation....


Stay focused, Lisa. STAY FOCUSED.

Saturday, April 30, 2011

In Honor of William and Kate

Since William and Kate just got married yesterday, I am sure they got lots of cards (probably with more money in them than I can possibly fathom). And since I have been obsessing about my, uhh... wrong choice of birthday card the other day, I figured I should blog about it =)

I made the typical run to the grocery store the other day and was not shocked to find out that I was just as aggravated about the amount of people there, the ability of those people to all get in my way, the sad way that they all dress because I apparently shop during the hours when ‘what not to wear' is filming, and more.

So I glared. I sighed. I glared and sighed some more. I tried to hurriedly push my cart through aisles before I was pinned in and was not able to tell someone to get the F out of my way, or the person was too old to even hear I said anything.

But I digress.... I should not be a hater lol

Anyway! Last stop was in the card aisle because my husband's daughter just had a birthday and we were going to get together with her for supper soon. Despite it being a few days away, I was going to be proactive and get a couple of birthday cards - that way, my husband can decide which one he likes better to give her. I get a Hoops & Yoyo musical card (cuz really, you usually can't go wrong there) and another card and head home.

My husband gets home a bit later and I show him the cards to pick from. I open the (non)musical card, pretty impressed with my choice until.....

Well, I will post the front and the inside of the card and let y'all figure it out =)

Sunday, April 17, 2011

My Garmin

Yep, y'all - I am one lucky gal. I have a Garmin Forerunner 350 that my husband bought me because I pestered him about wanting a pedometer for quite some time. Only thing is, I have only used it when I go walking, as I have not been able to understand what setting I need to use for any other workout (like an exercise DVD). It came with a belt-like thing that I immediately guffawed at, thinking 'what the heck do I need to put it around my waist for?'

So days turn into a month, and then several months - and I am still using it this way. I mentioned it a couple of times on the fitness website that I signed up for and got no response. I then start to think that most people do not have this particular pedometer, and that there is a reason they do not have it. Yet, I continue to use it....

Until one day I update my fitness site and have it tweeted to my Twitter account about my frustrations with my Garmin not tracking my calories and such when I do other activities. One of the gals I 'tweet' to immediately responds that I should ask so and so about it. YAY! I think - or, uh - exclaim inwardly lol Heck, why not? Can't hurt right? All my Garmin problems are now gonna be solved.

So I privately message the person about my Garmin woes, to which the person naturally asks which device I have and informs me about the need for a heart rate monitor.

"Ohh??" I reply, "Is that something seperate I have to buy?"

"Nope" person responds, "Most Garmins should have a wireless one."

"Ohhhhh"" I reply, "Is it part of the watch then?"

"Nope" person responds, "There should have been a black plastic strap that came with it. Send me your model number, tho."

"Ohhhhhhhh" I reply. "Yeah, I think there was!! My model number is #305."

"That is what I have." person responds. "There should be an elastic band with a hard rectangle in the middle that says Garmin that's the heart rate monitor."

This is where I do not reply. This is where I start thinking of that belt I dismissed quite early on in my relationship with Mr. Garmin. I open the drawer I stuck it in - I open the manual - I look in manual and find out how to connect that 'belt' with my Garmin watch in order to track your heart beat.


Seriously? Yeah, ok - I will try it. I bet it isnt that easy. I put 'belt' on. I turn on watch. I then observe watch sync immediately to belt and start tracking my heartbeats.


I admit my stupidity to the person, and have the person respond "Feel free to read our exciting suspense filled adventure book about 'Manual' that we sent along :-)."

To which I assured the person that would be my reading assignment later. 

So now I need to figure out the right setting to track calories with the monitor. I do not think it was set right, cuz it said I burned only 20 calories in my workout after that. IF thats truly the case, I will have to stomp on my Garmin and say "F" you exercise! Altho, I am sure there is probably some other gadget I probably shoved in the drawer I thought I did not need that does the trick.

Wow - getting physically fit is emotionally exhausting lol

Thursday, April 7, 2011

A Short Story

Dang - what is wrong with me? I haven't made the effort to blog lately - and it isn't like there hasn't been things to blog about. But, alas, I am getting lazy I suppose =)

To break myself back into the bloggin world, I will start with a short story of a husband and wife:

Husband and wife go to bed. Wife stares at her husband in an attempt to get her husband to notice her. Husband looks up from iPad, gets a tad grumpy and reverts his attention back to his iPad. Wife lets 5 minutes go by and she then decides to childishly poke his arm in an effort to get his attention again. Husband glares, sighs, and then puts his iPad away and lays over to go to bed.

Hmmph! Wife thinks... fine! I will do so too....

She gets up, turns off lights, gets in bed and stares at the ceiling. After just a couple minutes of this, she decides she is unable to stand the silence and starts singing:

"If you want myyyy boddddyyy, and you thinkkk I am sexxyyy, come on babbbyyy letttt me knoooowwww.."

And stops at that one line.

And listens.

And swears it is so quiet that she can hear the crickets 3 blocks down chirping.

And gets pissed - pokes husband again as he laughs, and rolls over to call it a night.

The end =)

Saturday, February 5, 2011

Doggone Pathetic

Today has been tough for me physically. I woke up with a severe earache, I had trouble swallowing and I felt nauseous and out of sorts. Whether its a cold or flu, I dunno - but in either case - it truly sux =/

I did manage to get a nap in earlier in the day while waiting on my husband at his acupuncture appointment. Granted, it was in a car - and the car is small - but I was so tired, I did not care. And amazingly, it did help for a bit....

Until I got home anyway and thought I was 'cured' and I would go out and shovel snow before I started my accounting assignment. The driveway had been done from the recent blizzard, but the sidewalk had not been. And needless to say by the time I was done, I had pulled a muscle, I ached, my throat and ear hurt again and I was so peeved at having snow that I yanked out our snowman sign that proclaimed 'let it snow'.

Screw snow..... am sick of it...

Well, I am sick - period. And its hard to eat a lot of things... so what do I do to make myself feel better? I bake brownies =)

Many trips were made to the oven to see if they were done. And when the oven finally beeped that it was done, I was already there with an oven mitt, ready to take the pan out. The box said to let it cool *completely* before eating, but do I care? HECK no! I dive in with the butter knife I had gotten out to cut them with previously - not bothering to grab a spoon or fork that would make eating the brownies easier.

I eat a section. And another section. And yet another.... and then look up to see my youngest pup looking at me with her head kinda tilted sideways like 'WOW, Mom - *you* are pathetic'.

I waved at her, finished my butter knife full of brownie and decided to call it a night lol

Saturday, January 22, 2011

Teaching me a lesson?

I hate when a product you buy has a sneaky lil lesson it tries to teach you. The makers of the product are not simply happy to be able to sell it. I swear they get bored with making money and just decide to mess with people. Heck! Why sell a product when you can also sit back in your office and chuckle until tears come to your eyes when you think of all the people who bought the product and fell for your lil ruse?

Product guilty of this today? IceBreakers Spearmint Sugar Free Mints.

We stop at a gas station for a bathroom break, which ended in a panic buy of several different bags of nuts, 5 hr energy drinks, 2 coffees and the IceBreaker mints. The latter was chosen to help my stomach and not make my breath as obnoxious after drinking coffee. Patting myself on the back for being insightful, forward-thinking, blah, blah, blahhhhhhhh....we got back on the road.

I manage to make it at least an hour down the road before I have to charge my iPad. No problem! I turn around, unbuckled my seat belt and dug out my charger/cord. I settle in after getting the iPad plugged in and notice my pen to use for the iPad's touch screen had disappeared. I look tho one side of my seat, then the other, then behind, and even picked my butt up off the seat and looked underneath myself as well. No pen and an unhappy Lisa....

To my husband's credit, he decides it's best to solve this predicament as soon as possible and pulls over within a mile at a rest stop.

I open the car door, get out, and found the pen on the very first side I had originally checked while on the road. But ya know what? I do not care, I do not gripe about it - I just happily sit back in the seat and get situated again as husband used the bathroom and threw away the trash. And I decide to consume some IceBreaker mints....

The package is circular, with a little tab to pull to open. I open, get a mint, close the package, and then study the package intently as I continued to wait for my husband. I notice the tab I opened said 'to share', but there was another tab on the direct opposite side that said 'not to share'. I find this kinda amusing and decide to open the 'not to share' side. I tug on tab. Nothing. I tug on tab a bit harder, and then all of the sudden I have many mints flying at me and around me. I look inside and expect a divider, something, anything that made this side any different. It was all one f'n package. There was never any f'n intention on IceBreaker's part for you to keep any for yourself.

You know what I have to say IceBreakers? Yeah, keep guessing for f'n EVER, cuz I ain't gonna share that with YOU! :P

Saturday, January 8, 2011

A Jeep, A Gal, And not enuf Sleep

You know when you are really tired? Well, lemme tell ya! It could be when you are driving back from the airport at 9P on a Sunday night after being in CA to ring in 2011. At least it was for me...

I made it home ok - I even pulled into the driveway, open the garage door and park inside the garage ok. However, when I turned off my jeep, my key would not leave the ignition switch area. Even tho I am tired, I do not let this fluster me - initially anyway lol I turn the key to turn my jeep back on and it only goes halfway. The radio turns on, the vents turn on, EVERYTHING turns on except the jeep itself.

I am so tired, all I can do is go HUH? instead of my usual WTF? And I decide that my jeep is just being finicky - it IS getting older after all. Maybe this is just what I have to deal with when I have an older vehicle...

I turn the key again - radio, vents, etc come on - jeep remains unresponsive.

I turn the jeep to the 'off' position and try yanking the key out. OK, maybe yank is not quite correct considering how tired I was - and I *was* worried about leaving part of my key in the ignition. So.... I, err... tug...at the key....and nothing.

I tug harder at the key ...... and it stubbornly refuses to leave the ignition.

I then decide that maybe I just need to leave and come back and things will 'fix' itself. I go inside the house and use the restroom. I then reenter the garage and try turning the key again. Vents blow. Radio plays. Jeep sits there unresponsive. And as I let a huge sigh and turn the key to the 'off' position, say a little prayer, and tug again on the key, it still is stuck in the ignition.

OK, I decide - another break is needed. And I need to decide how I am going to get to work tomorrow, how I will pick up the dogs, how I will do this, that and the other...

I head to the mailbox to check the mail and then back to the garage to go thru the same turn on jeep, turn off jeep motions......

Yeah, you guessed it.... the jeep still did not turn on, the key was still stuck in the ignition switch, and I was starting to go into panic mode lol I finally break down and call my husband and hurriedly tell him whats wrong. Of course, thats sounded like a bunch of babble to him, so he asked me to slow down and tell him again. To which he replied:

"OK, first things first, did you put your jeep in PARK?"

To which I replied:

"F*ck, sorry - will call you back in a minute...."

Yeah, guess what I did? Ignored that I even had a PARK option on my jeep. And THAT, my folks, is when its a good thing you are home and have called it a day lol