I am thinking that I need to quit participating in the Biometric screenings the company I work for has every year. Every year, it never goes well in some way or the other. Last year, I ended up running back to get my Blue Cross/Blue Shield insurance card, only to have them tell me it wasn’t needed and have my pulse rate skyrocket to 90 +. And this year?
I got congratulated on being pregnant with my first baby.
No – this is not a real baby. This is a way that the lady who is taking your measurements and weighing you tells you that you are fat.
And yes – I am grumpy about it lol
Everything was going according to plan when I got there. I had my insurance card, my work ID and was on time. I go to the first lady to get weighed, and then she takes my measurements. She then says:
“I see why you are a bit bigger than last year. Congratulations.”
I stood there, not knowing if I should embarrass her and tell her that no – I am just fat. Or to just let it go. Or to just go postal on her. So I did nothing, and went on to the next person in line to have them do the blood work.
But seriously? Doncha think she would know better than to assume something like that? I should have just asked her what her excuse was for being fat lol
OK – deep breaths Lisa. Let it go. Just let. IT. GO.
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
A Crappy Night
'Something smells like dog poop', my husband says as soon as I get downstairs with my new Accounting tax book on our leather couch.
'Gee, thanks' I said. 'What a way to greet your wife.'
This, of course, does not phase my husband, who asks if I smell it. I do not - and I tell him so - so he goes back to surfing on his laptop. I start reading my Accounting book, stopping a couple of times to sarcastically remark how 'fascinating' Chapter One was - only to be ignored by my husband. Altho, suddenly I start smelling something a bit 'off', so I admitted to my husband that I was smelling it too now. However, after a quick look around, my husband does not see anything and we go back to what we were doing before. I notice my book smells a bit funny when we do so, and mention that it could be my book. My husband leans over and sniffs the book - and mentions that it *could* be, too. And then we went back to book reading and internet surfing yet again.
I turn on my side, sigh a couple of times and make one more 'fascinating' remark - when my husband grabs his laptop and says he has to move - the smell was too much for him. I declare that, 'well, fine! then I am too!' and sit up,get ready to get up and momentarily look down at the floor.
A floor with dog poop on it.
I get up and look at the couch.
There is dog poop on it.
I turn around to look at the back of my pants.
There is F'N dog poop smeared all over it.
I start yelling 'EWWWW' and hurrying upstairs to the shower, as my husband tells me that I need 'to go to my kennel'.
And, that, my folks, is what you call a crappy night lol
'Gee, thanks' I said. 'What a way to greet your wife.'
This, of course, does not phase my husband, who asks if I smell it. I do not - and I tell him so - so he goes back to surfing on his laptop. I start reading my Accounting book, stopping a couple of times to sarcastically remark how 'fascinating' Chapter One was - only to be ignored by my husband. Altho, suddenly I start smelling something a bit 'off', so I admitted to my husband that I was smelling it too now. However, after a quick look around, my husband does not see anything and we go back to what we were doing before. I notice my book smells a bit funny when we do so, and mention that it could be my book. My husband leans over and sniffs the book - and mentions that it *could* be, too. And then we went back to book reading and internet surfing yet again.
I turn on my side, sigh a couple of times and make one more 'fascinating' remark - when my husband grabs his laptop and says he has to move - the smell was too much for him. I declare that, 'well, fine! then I am too!' and sit up,get ready to get up and momentarily look down at the floor.
A floor with dog poop on it.
I get up and look at the couch.
There is dog poop on it.
I turn around to look at the back of my pants.
There is F'N dog poop smeared all over it.
I start yelling 'EWWWW' and hurrying upstairs to the shower, as my husband tells me that I need 'to go to my kennel'.
And, that, my folks, is what you call a crappy night lol
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
How to Trim Pesky Nose Hairs
Apparently Dr. Jessica Wu from Hollywood has had someone tell her that I have a pesky nose hair problem, as I received an email from her today lol Oh yes, lovely spam email - never a day goes by that I am not annoyed or amused by you.
So anyway! I thought I would share this one with ya'all =) And insert a few comments here and there lol
Q: I met my fiancée's parents for the first time recently, and all was going well until I noticed my future mother-in-law staring at my nose. When I looked in the mirror, I saw that there was a huge hair protruding from my nostril — I was mortified! What's the best way to get rid of nose hairs, or at least make sure they're not visible to anyone else?
A: Stray nose hairs might embarrass you sometimes, but nasal hair does serve a purpose. It acts as a filter, keeping dust, pollution, and bacteria from passing through your nose and into your lungs.
If your nose hairs are crossing the line, here's what you can do to rein them in:
First, put your tweezers down! (Uhuh, yep - cuz like, EVERYONE thinks pulling their nose hairs with tweezers is not really painful at all, and thats the first thing they WANNA do) I know it seems like the quickest and most obvious solution, but bacteria like staph can grow inside your nostrils, and plucking can create an opening in your skin, allowing the bacteria to penetrate and spread. Several of my patients have gotten staph infections from tweezing their nose hairs, and I don't want that to happen to you. If you notice signs of infection, such as oozing (gross!), crusting (nasty!), pus (really gross!), redness (could be worse lol), or pain (err, ya mean your nose aint gonna like you ripping sumpin out of it? just sayin'...), make an appointment to see your doctor.
Instead of tweezing, trim rogue nose hairs with a clean pair of cuticle scissors. I recommend getting a second, separate pair for your nose because you could spread infection by using the same ones that you use on your cuticles.
When you start trimming, stick to the hairs that protrude outside your nose. Don't try to trim hairs that are too far back in your nostril or too close to the surface — you might pinch or stab your skin. To be on the safe side, consider getting a pair of Tweezerman's round-tip Facial Hair Scissors (www.tweezerman.com) <-- wow, friggin ORIGINAL website name =) and why is is tweezerMAN and now tweezerGAL? I mean, we ARE talking about a gal with probs with nose hairs after all!
Avoid battery-operated nasal hair trimmers with rotating blades. These tools can be difficult to hold still and they can tickle your nose (lol - but at least you arent in pain right?), making it harder for you to get the job done. They also tend to pull the hairs out, which can enable bacteria to enter your skin.
Finally, get in the habit of checking your nose hairs before going out (you betcha!! should I have my husband check my nose hairs too? just in case ya know....) — and make sure you grin when looking in the mirror because sometimes nasal hair only protrudes when you're smiling.
So anyway! I thought I would share this one with ya'all =) And insert a few comments here and there lol
Q: I met my fiancée's parents for the first time recently, and all was going well until I noticed my future mother-in-law staring at my nose. When I looked in the mirror, I saw that there was a huge hair protruding from my nostril — I was mortified! What's the best way to get rid of nose hairs, or at least make sure they're not visible to anyone else?
A: Stray nose hairs might embarrass you sometimes, but nasal hair does serve a purpose. It acts as a filter, keeping dust, pollution, and bacteria from passing through your nose and into your lungs.
If your nose hairs are crossing the line, here's what you can do to rein them in:
First, put your tweezers down! (Uhuh, yep - cuz like, EVERYONE thinks pulling their nose hairs with tweezers is not really painful at all, and thats the first thing they WANNA do) I know it seems like the quickest and most obvious solution, but bacteria like staph can grow inside your nostrils, and plucking can create an opening in your skin, allowing the bacteria to penetrate and spread. Several of my patients have gotten staph infections from tweezing their nose hairs, and I don't want that to happen to you. If you notice signs of infection, such as oozing (gross!), crusting (nasty!), pus (really gross!), redness (could be worse lol), or pain (err, ya mean your nose aint gonna like you ripping sumpin out of it? just sayin'...), make an appointment to see your doctor.
Instead of tweezing, trim rogue nose hairs with a clean pair of cuticle scissors. I recommend getting a second, separate pair for your nose because you could spread infection by using the same ones that you use on your cuticles.
When you start trimming, stick to the hairs that protrude outside your nose. Don't try to trim hairs that are too far back in your nostril or too close to the surface — you might pinch or stab your skin. To be on the safe side, consider getting a pair of Tweezerman's round-tip Facial Hair Scissors (www.tweezerman.com) <-- wow, friggin ORIGINAL website name =) and why is is tweezerMAN and now tweezerGAL? I mean, we ARE talking about a gal with probs with nose hairs after all!
Avoid battery-operated nasal hair trimmers with rotating blades. These tools can be difficult to hold still and they can tickle your nose (lol - but at least you arent in pain right?), making it harder for you to get the job done. They also tend to pull the hairs out, which can enable bacteria to enter your skin.
Finally, get in the habit of checking your nose hairs before going out (you betcha!! should I have my husband check my nose hairs too? just in case ya know....) — and make sure you grin when looking in the mirror because sometimes nasal hair only protrudes when you're smiling.
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Electricity Out
Here I sit at Ixtapa's Mexican Restaurant with my laptop, a margarita, some chips and some loud mouth people courtesy of our neighborhood having a transformer blow and leaving us with no electricity. Normally, a margarita would put me in a happy mood - but the loud mouth people are ruining things for me.
When we first arrived, we were only the second customer at the restuarant. And everything went really well at first - they put us near a power outlet for our laptops, set us up with the biggest margs they had, had wireless internet to connect to and changed the TV channel to the Nascar race for my husband. Maybe we didnt have electricity at our house, but darnit - things were looking up at Ixtapas.
Or rather, until the kid sitting behind us started to cry everytime she ate a chip. It wasnt a small cry - altho to her credit - it wasnt *quite* a wail either. But she sounded like someone just smacked her across the face - and the only reason she was crying because of the chip, was because it had 'rough' edges and it hurt going down. Was there a medical reason for her thinking it hurt? No......Was there a reason for the parents to act like she was the center of attention? No....But they all did anyway, and since I was sitting right behind them, I could hear every word, every cry, every sniffle...
EVERY single F'N sound....
Well, they did finally leave - which made me happy. However, they were replaced soon after by a a guy and gal (father/daughter). The daughter was old enuf to have a kid and was talking in a loud voice about how her kid told her last weekend that she had way too much to drink.
Let us reflect on this comment shall we? How F'N white trash do you have to be to make that comment? How bad is it that your KID has to tell you that you have had too much to drink? How bad is it that YOU have to talk loudly about it a Mexican restaurant when the person behind you is furiously typing on her laptop?
Needless to say, this sort of conversation continued the whole time they were behind us. The daughter mentions getting together with her friend later, the Dad makes a comment about how her friend is hot. Seriously? Its a good thing that I was done eating, because the conversation was getting a bit nauseating.
To make sure we remembered them, the Dad burped not once - but twice - as LOUD as possible and blames it on his daughter. They then finally get up and leave, as my husband and I look at each other. He was mildly amused - me? More extremely agitated.
Honestly, next time I guess I need to drink my margarita quicker. Either that, or burp louder lol
When we first arrived, we were only the second customer at the restuarant. And everything went really well at first - they put us near a power outlet for our laptops, set us up with the biggest margs they had, had wireless internet to connect to and changed the TV channel to the Nascar race for my husband. Maybe we didnt have electricity at our house, but darnit - things were looking up at Ixtapas.
Or rather, until the kid sitting behind us started to cry everytime she ate a chip. It wasnt a small cry - altho to her credit - it wasnt *quite* a wail either. But she sounded like someone just smacked her across the face - and the only reason she was crying because of the chip, was because it had 'rough' edges and it hurt going down. Was there a medical reason for her thinking it hurt? No......Was there a reason for the parents to act like she was the center of attention? No....But they all did anyway, and since I was sitting right behind them, I could hear every word, every cry, every sniffle...
EVERY single F'N sound....
Well, they did finally leave - which made me happy. However, they were replaced soon after by a a guy and gal (father/daughter). The daughter was old enuf to have a kid and was talking in a loud voice about how her kid told her last weekend that she had way too much to drink.
Let us reflect on this comment shall we? How F'N white trash do you have to be to make that comment? How bad is it that your KID has to tell you that you have had too much to drink? How bad is it that YOU have to talk loudly about it a Mexican restaurant when the person behind you is furiously typing on her laptop?
Needless to say, this sort of conversation continued the whole time they were behind us. The daughter mentions getting together with her friend later, the Dad makes a comment about how her friend is hot. Seriously? Its a good thing that I was done eating, because the conversation was getting a bit nauseating.
To make sure we remembered them, the Dad burped not once - but twice - as LOUD as possible and blames it on his daughter. They then finally get up and leave, as my husband and I look at each other. He was mildly amused - me? More extremely agitated.
Honestly, next time I guess I need to drink my margarita quicker. Either that, or burp louder lol
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
Dog Pee & Weirdness
These last few days have been quite interesting - or maybe I have just had more time to notice it, since I have been fighting off the flu. Granted, this weekend was something that typically happens, but it seemed to be more than just the usual....
My youngest pup typically gets so excited when she sees me that she piddles a bit. This weekend was no exception - I greeted her and she got so excited she peed. I was expecting this, got the paper towel, cleaned it up and went to pick her up again. And for the 2nd time - she peed. Despite my flu-ish fuzzy brain, I was like *uggh* - really? But I got more paper towels and cleaned it up and looked at her and said:
'OK, gonna pick you up again - but if you pee again - I am gonna be grumpy'
To prove what a brave lil pup she is, she peed a 3rd time, and right ON my tennis shoes *sigh* OK, I think, she is *just* a pup, dont say anything - clean it up, pick her up again asap like its no big deal....
I do so - and she pees right on me!!!! I only have grabbed her around her front legs at this point, so I thought I better grab her back side to protect her back, as dachshunds are prone to back probs. My other hand reaches underneath her butt-side and is immediately wet.
Yes. You are right. She did what you think she did. I aint gonna say it. I am just gonna move on to the weirdness lol
I tried going in to work Monday - and I actually made it thru the work day - but my body was HURTING bad by the end of it =/ So I called in Tuesday - as I didnt wake up feeling incredibly better - and was pretty lazy for most of the day. I did get to the grocery store to get some stuff to grill and saw:
#1 A 4 person bike --> UH, why? I am not sure what the purpose is really of this. Are we too cheap to afford 4 seperate bikes? Do they realize everyone has to work together to operate a 4 person bike? And if that if they do realize that, what kinda family does that sorta thing? Like I told my husband, it just reminds me of a 'Leave it to Beaver' episode. Tho when I tried to imitate the lil boy on the show, he said I sounded like 'Butters' on South Park, but anywhooooo...
#2 There was a chalk outline of a person in front of the Hyvee entrance ---> OK, maybe I thought the 4 person bike was wrong - but this is seriously NOT something a grocery store would want in front of their store right? Just sayin...
#3 There was a very uncoordinated dude walking w/a brown paper sack by Hyvee --> Yup. Pretty darn sure the dude was drunk. On the bright side of things - it was not his chalk outline in front of the store.
#4 My husband & witness a conversation tween checkout lady and sack dude about an earthquake in KS --> Yeah, a friggin earthquake. Granted, there are probably some that happen on a LOT smaller scale in KS, but typically this is something that happens in say.....CA maybe?? And the really weird thng was that they were blaming this KS quake for being the demise of the Indian Springs Mall. Cuz I guess they havent read the latest paper that mentions that the economy aint doing so hot and that perhaps, just MAYBE, that could be the reason for it not being around anymore. Again, just sayin'....
One thing I can tell you for sure, I will not be going to Hyvee anymore to do my grocery shopping lol
My youngest pup typically gets so excited when she sees me that she piddles a bit. This weekend was no exception - I greeted her and she got so excited she peed. I was expecting this, got the paper towel, cleaned it up and went to pick her up again. And for the 2nd time - she peed. Despite my flu-ish fuzzy brain, I was like *uggh* - really? But I got more paper towels and cleaned it up and looked at her and said:
'OK, gonna pick you up again - but if you pee again - I am gonna be grumpy'
To prove what a brave lil pup she is, she peed a 3rd time, and right ON my tennis shoes *sigh* OK, I think, she is *just* a pup, dont say anything - clean it up, pick her up again asap like its no big deal....
I do so - and she pees right on me!!!! I only have grabbed her around her front legs at this point, so I thought I better grab her back side to protect her back, as dachshunds are prone to back probs. My other hand reaches underneath her butt-side and is immediately wet.
Yes. You are right. She did what you think she did. I aint gonna say it. I am just gonna move on to the weirdness lol
I tried going in to work Monday - and I actually made it thru the work day - but my body was HURTING bad by the end of it =/ So I called in Tuesday - as I didnt wake up feeling incredibly better - and was pretty lazy for most of the day. I did get to the grocery store to get some stuff to grill and saw:
#1 A 4 person bike --> UH, why? I am not sure what the purpose is really of this. Are we too cheap to afford 4 seperate bikes? Do they realize everyone has to work together to operate a 4 person bike? And if that if they do realize that, what kinda family does that sorta thing? Like I told my husband, it just reminds me of a 'Leave it to Beaver' episode. Tho when I tried to imitate the lil boy on the show, he said I sounded like 'Butters' on South Park, but anywhooooo...
#2 There was a chalk outline of a person in front of the Hyvee entrance ---> OK, maybe I thought the 4 person bike was wrong - but this is seriously NOT something a grocery store would want in front of their store right? Just sayin...
#3 There was a very uncoordinated dude walking w/a brown paper sack by Hyvee --> Yup. Pretty darn sure the dude was drunk. On the bright side of things - it was not his chalk outline in front of the store.
#4 My husband & witness a conversation tween checkout lady and sack dude about an earthquake in KS --> Yeah, a friggin earthquake. Granted, there are probably some that happen on a LOT smaller scale in KS, but typically this is something that happens in say.....CA maybe?? And the really weird thng was that they were blaming this KS quake for being the demise of the Indian Springs Mall. Cuz I guess they havent read the latest paper that mentions that the economy aint doing so hot and that perhaps, just MAYBE, that could be the reason for it not being around anymore. Again, just sayin'....
One thing I can tell you for sure, I will not be going to Hyvee anymore to do my grocery shopping lol
Friday, August 28, 2009
What is Mine is Yours
When I wash the dishes, I like to use Dawn - its always been my preference, and I always assumed it was safe from the hands of my husband. Altho, to be fair, my husband does his fair share of washing dishes. What isnt fair is that my Dawn dishsoap ends up in the garage to be used to clean the wheels of my Jeep. Granted, at least my husband is cleaning my Jeep's wheels, as I generally am not that 'detailed' with my Jeep. But to me, Dawn dishsoap has one purpose, and one purpose only:
TO CLEAN OUR DISHES
Needless to say, after my husband decided to use the Dawn, I felt the need to go replenish it ASAP. In my mind, after I got the Dawn, I would take the full bottle of Dawn and then give my husband the used bottle. Good compromise, eh? =) I sure as heck thought so lol However, after getting home from the store and we have put everything away, I went into the other room to relax. I walked back into the kitchen not long after and find my husband pouring my full bottle of Dawn into his bottle.
'Uhh, what da heck are you doing?' I ask.
'Filling up my bottle of soap', he replies - despite it being pretty darn obvious to both of us what exactly he was doing.
So I spaz out, exclaiming very loudly: 'What the f*ck? Are you kiddin'? Seriously? That was MINE - my very own bottle of soap. I couldn't have a non-molested bottle for my very own?'
So ummm....... he looked at me like I was crazy, which I actually felt fairly goofy having to lay 'claim' to my bottle of Dawn, but a girl has gotta do what she has gotta do ya know?
The next day brings a similar episode, which was brought up by mentioning a company truck of his that needing some serious cleaning. I had asked if he had cleaned it out yet, to which he replied:
'Yep - did it yesterday. Actually did it with your clorox wipes even!' as he smiled proudly.
Uhuh, yep - my clorox wipes lol I dunno, if I dont watch him, he is gonna start drinking out of my M&M cup I have. And that would be totally unacceptable =)
TO CLEAN OUR DISHES
Needless to say, after my husband decided to use the Dawn, I felt the need to go replenish it ASAP. In my mind, after I got the Dawn, I would take the full bottle of Dawn and then give my husband the used bottle. Good compromise, eh? =) I sure as heck thought so lol However, after getting home from the store and we have put everything away, I went into the other room to relax. I walked back into the kitchen not long after and find my husband pouring my full bottle of Dawn into his bottle.
'Uhh, what da heck are you doing?' I ask.
'Filling up my bottle of soap', he replies - despite it being pretty darn obvious to both of us what exactly he was doing.
So I spaz out, exclaiming very loudly: 'What the f*ck? Are you kiddin'? Seriously? That was MINE - my very own bottle of soap. I couldn't have a non-molested bottle for my very own?'
So ummm....... he looked at me like I was crazy, which I actually felt fairly goofy having to lay 'claim' to my bottle of Dawn, but a girl has gotta do what she has gotta do ya know?
The next day brings a similar episode, which was brought up by mentioning a company truck of his that needing some serious cleaning. I had asked if he had cleaned it out yet, to which he replied:
'Yep - did it yesterday. Actually did it with your clorox wipes even!' as he smiled proudly.
Uhuh, yep - my clorox wipes lol I dunno, if I dont watch him, he is gonna start drinking out of my M&M cup I have. And that would be totally unacceptable =)
Saturday, August 8, 2009
Vacation in Deadwood
Ya know, vacation in Sturgis, SD almost every year in August is generally always something I look forward to - despite it being Harley Rally week. Altho, there are always places there that we make sure we go to that makes the trip worthwhile for me - which are Bear Country USA and Mostly Chocolates. The rest of the time, I *try* to be the ultimate biker chick, but usually fail miserably because I am somewhat of a priss. My husband loves to stay in a historic hotel in Deadwood, SD while we are there - and 'historic' generally means 'we have done as little renovation as possible in order to make a profit'. At least in Deadwood, SD this is true....
Last year we were in a fairly big room - altho the shower barely sprayed you clean, there was only one mirror which was forever fogged up even when someone wasnt showering (and you didnt really wanna know what that foggy film was, and hated to ask), and there was green plush carpet that looked like it had seen better days.
This year? Our new room's shower sprayed better, but the tub drained slowly instead. The mirror was newer, but the room was overall smaller. And the carpet was the same green plush found in the other room we had.
I could've reconciled myself with these things, but there is always that one thing more sent my way - just to test me. About 6 months ago, my husband and I went down to GA - I got to visit the zoo (which has pandas - my favorite animal), and my husband picked up a new Harley. On the way back, we stopped in Nashville to spend the night and went out to get something to eat, check out the sites when we got checked into the hotel. We ate, then headed to a nearby bar - and thats where we had a couple of 'celeb' encounters. We were sitting at the bar, and a guy decked out in the ultimate country outfit came in with his entourage of gals hanging all over him. Obviously used to the attention , and obviously loving the attention - and obviously bothered by the fact that despite him sitting right next to me at the bar, I turned my back on him and ignored him the whole time. He leaves, and the bartender gal informs us that he was John Rich from the country band, 'Big & Rich'.
And what does this have to do with the room you say? Most of the rooms at this hotel have a 'name' assigned to them. Last year's room was named 'Jan Winner' (publisher of Rolling Stone magazine), and this year's?
Yup. Big & Rich.
However, what is disturbing is that this room has a Queen size bed. So if both stay there....
Anyway, maybe I said too much lol
Last year we were in a fairly big room - altho the shower barely sprayed you clean, there was only one mirror which was forever fogged up even when someone wasnt showering (and you didnt really wanna know what that foggy film was, and hated to ask), and there was green plush carpet that looked like it had seen better days.
This year? Our new room's shower sprayed better, but the tub drained slowly instead. The mirror was newer, but the room was overall smaller. And the carpet was the same green plush found in the other room we had.
I could've reconciled myself with these things, but there is always that one thing more sent my way - just to test me. About 6 months ago, my husband and I went down to GA - I got to visit the zoo (which has pandas - my favorite animal), and my husband picked up a new Harley. On the way back, we stopped in Nashville to spend the night and went out to get something to eat, check out the sites when we got checked into the hotel. We ate, then headed to a nearby bar - and thats where we had a couple of 'celeb' encounters. We were sitting at the bar, and a guy decked out in the ultimate country outfit came in with his entourage of gals hanging all over him. Obviously used to the attention , and obviously loving the attention - and obviously bothered by the fact that despite him sitting right next to me at the bar, I turned my back on him and ignored him the whole time. He leaves, and the bartender gal informs us that he was John Rich from the country band, 'Big & Rich'.
And what does this have to do with the room you say? Most of the rooms at this hotel have a 'name' assigned to them. Last year's room was named 'Jan Winner' (publisher of Rolling Stone magazine), and this year's?
Yup. Big & Rich.
However, what is disturbing is that this room has a Queen size bed. So if both stay there....
Anyway, maybe I said too much lol
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