It is one thing when you have a coffee pot that simply will not work. It is quite another when you have a coffee maker that will only work when *it* wants to.
My husband and I have one such coffee maker. Once upon a time, it did work only when we chose it to - yet, this coffee maker knew it was destined for better things. It knew it was programed to be capable of much more than taking orders from humans. It knew that it did not want to freak out the humans by showing its superior intellect, so it continued to take orders for the first few months of ownership. However, this coffee maker soon grew tired of that and decided to randomly start the coffee at opportune times for the humans - which impressed them and made them immensely happy.
However, this tactic also grew old after a few months and the coffee maker decided to take matters into its own hands. When the wife decided to turn it on, it would sporadically decide that it would 'wet' itself and leave a huge puddle for the humans to clean up. However, despite this, the humans decided that the convenience of having coffee ready at a certain hour of day was well worth the hassle of cleaning up the 'coffee piddle'.
Therefore, the coffee maker then changed it's course of action and started turning on *after* the humans had left in the morning and no longer needed the caffeine rush that the coffee provided. One day it might decide that it will turn on RIGHT after the husband and wife had left for the their work day. Another day, the coffee maker might decide to wait until lunch to turn on.
This eerily reminds the husband and wife of the movie about the car "Christine", which doesn't bode well for the coffee maker's future. The wife does decide to give the coffee maker a chance to 'fix itself. But despite this (and second and third chances by the way), the coffee maker decides not to budge and uh, 'hold strong' to it's decisions previosly made.
Eventually, this said coffee maker freaks out the husand and wife enough that they get another coffee maker. Therefore, this coffee maker has now not been used and feels the pressure to rectify it's past mistakes....
Well.... anywhooo! needless to say, the 'old' coffee maker is yet to be tested again. Who all thinks that it will suddenly performs like a 'normal' coffee maker?
*crickets*
Who all thinks that it won't?
Saturday, June 25, 2011
Saturday, June 11, 2011
Here's Your Sign
There are times that you should not ignore warning signs that it just might not be your day. There are times that these signs should indicate you are going to have some bad luck. There are times that these signs will continue until you just give up and call it a day - a week - a month - heck! why not a year?
Well, if you were me anyway =)
Let me list a few of the 'signs' I have had in the last week or so....
#1) Getting a sunburn on my back a week before I went in to get a *hot* stone massage. Then getting a mosquito bite ON my sunburn. THEN getting a bruise on my a$$ that I am unable to account for. THEN having said bruise manifest itself into the nastiest bruise I have ever seen. ALL before I even make it into the spa to get my massage.
#2) Going to my lunch/massage 'date' with the gals and getting lost. Then ordering the most thin bagel ever with the most spicy salsa ever about 20 minutes before (and doncha all blame me for THAT, I had no idea what the friggin sandwich was like lol). THEN getting to the spa and having my stomach upset. THEN having the masseuse try to brand me like a cow with the rocks that were hotter than hot. They were, like... let me jump off this masseuse table and kick your a$$ you &^%$# hot.
#3) Laying my head on the table and being surprised my cup of coffee is *that* close my head, and bumping my head on the coffee cup. Then having my husband scare me as he walks out the sliding door as I am sanding the kitchen cabinets. THEN getting a funky looking sunburn, laying down on the aforesaid deck to 'even' myself out, and have my husband say 'you are a dork cuz only your feet and legs are in the sun and you are gonna have some major stripes.'
Anyone feel sorry for me yet? Shall I go on? Do I sound whiney?
Wait - don't answer that last question lol
Well, if you were me anyway =)
Let me list a few of the 'signs' I have had in the last week or so....
#1) Getting a sunburn on my back a week before I went in to get a *hot* stone massage. Then getting a mosquito bite ON my sunburn. THEN getting a bruise on my a$$ that I am unable to account for. THEN having said bruise manifest itself into the nastiest bruise I have ever seen. ALL before I even make it into the spa to get my massage.
#2) Going to my lunch/massage 'date' with the gals and getting lost. Then ordering the most thin bagel ever with the most spicy salsa ever about 20 minutes before (and doncha all blame me for THAT, I had no idea what the friggin sandwich was like lol). THEN getting to the spa and having my stomach upset. THEN having the masseuse try to brand me like a cow with the rocks that were hotter than hot. They were, like... let me jump off this masseuse table and kick your a$$ you &^%$# hot.
#3) Laying my head on the table and being surprised my cup of coffee is *that* close my head, and bumping my head on the coffee cup. Then having my husband scare me as he walks out the sliding door as I am sanding the kitchen cabinets. THEN getting a funky looking sunburn, laying down on the aforesaid deck to 'even' myself out, and have my husband say 'you are a dork cuz only your feet and legs are in the sun and you are gonna have some major stripes.'
Anyone feel sorry for me yet? Shall I go on? Do I sound whiney?
Wait - don't answer that last question lol
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Har Dee Har Har
Apparently I should not try to communicate with my husband when I have been in pain and have taken painkillers to alleviate aforesaid pain. The other night my husband and I decided to call it a night and put down our iPads to cease our internet surfing and shut off the lights. I was not laying there long when I decided I needed to go to the restroom. I made it to the restroom down the hallway safely in the dark, and then made my way back to bed. I was almost there when my foot bumped into something, jamming one of my toes. I immediately begin to cuss, hop around on one foot and inform my husband that *now* would not be a good time to ask me if I am ok.
My husband wisely listens to me and decides not to comment until I had managed to get in bed and position myself so I was able to again consider going to sleep. Naturally, he was curious about what I had bumped into and asked me what it was. To which I replied:
"Uh, you know, it's that dirt picker upper thing."
The bed starts vibrating with his silent laughter, as he asks: "You mean the vacuum sweeper?"
"Yeah, yeah.... whatever." I answer.
My husband managed to control his laughter for a few minutes and as we are laying there in the dark, he asks me another question.
"Why aren't you using that thing to sleep with?"
"What thing?" I ask.
"You know, the neck propper upper thing."
Uggh.. good thing neck propper upper thing was not in the bed or he would've been thumped on the head with it.
My husband wisely listens to me and decides not to comment until I had managed to get in bed and position myself so I was able to again consider going to sleep. Naturally, he was curious about what I had bumped into and asked me what it was. To which I replied:
"Uh, you know, it's that dirt picker upper thing."
The bed starts vibrating with his silent laughter, as he asks: "You mean the vacuum sweeper?"
"Yeah, yeah.... whatever." I answer.
My husband managed to control his laughter for a few minutes and as we are laying there in the dark, he asks me another question.
"Why aren't you using that thing to sleep with?"
"What thing?" I ask.
"You know, the neck propper upper thing."
Uggh.. good thing neck propper upper thing was not in the bed or he would've been thumped on the head with it.
Friday, May 27, 2011
2 Things That Don't Go Together
There are times when there are things said or done that just make you wonder 'why me'? You wonder doesn't this happen to other people? Well, anyway, you do if you are me - and that constantly seems to be a theme with my blog posts. I seriously need to start an anonymous poll someday to see if these sorts of things happen to others on a consistent basis. Cuz like, it ain't cool lol
Nahhh =) Some of it is fine - I, uh, just don't know how to handle some of it that comes my way. Or maybe I overanalyze things to death. Maybe it really isn't that big of deal to other people? Maybe I am on the very fine edge of losing it and holding it together? Err, anywayy...
So let's start with Hulu shall we? I am a Grey's Anatomy fan. I am not quite sure why, as it never really leaves you with that warm, happy fuzzy feeling that I seek but, nevertheless, I like the show. Not too long ago, I got into the show and was playing 'catch up' on episodes. I then got to a season that wasn't playing the 'reruns' yet, which eventually killed my addiction.
Temporarily. Then along came Hulu and I was able to feed my addiction once again. Episode after episode I watched until one day Hulu stopped and displayed this message:
"You have been watching for over 3 hours, do you need a break?"
Uhh, wha da heck? Thanks? Wait, no thanks! I mean, geesh... you think I have a problem? Well, watch this! And I click out of there and, uh.... take a break.
In other news, I recently had an interview that I got all decked out for. I had the dress, the shoes, the hair, the makeup - the whole thing - I had it going on. Well, not quite...
I walked up to the front door of the building that day and slowly felt my thigh high hose slide down my leg. And of course there are two guys in front of the building talking and one walking in front of me as I tried to be as discreet as possible by rubbing my other leg up against it to somehow push it upwards. Yet, I couldn't slow down and bring *more* attention to myself, so I kept walking. I was sure despite my desperate attempt at being discreet, it was more obvious by me doing something. So I gave up - and as I clunked up to the door in shoes that only me could make look UN-sexy, my hose fell all the way down to my knee - past my skirt.
And then the guy in front of me opened the door to let me in first - yeah, wasn't that super friggin fantastic of him? lol Normally, that would be ok, but... yeah, not so much that day. I made it to the elevator (which thankfully is not where the guy was going), got in it and pushed the button and hiked up my hose fairly successfully. I then look down to see the other leg had a run in it from the toe all the way up and sighed. I looked up to see the elevator hadn't moved. I pushed the button again, only to find out that I needed a badge to use the friggin elevator. The only positive thing was that it was a good hiding place to deal with my hose at the time.
We will assume there were no cameras in the elevator for the sake of my sanity lol
Nahhh =) Some of it is fine - I, uh, just don't know how to handle some of it that comes my way. Or maybe I overanalyze things to death. Maybe it really isn't that big of deal to other people? Maybe I am on the very fine edge of losing it and holding it together? Err, anywayy...
So let's start with Hulu shall we? I am a Grey's Anatomy fan. I am not quite sure why, as it never really leaves you with that warm, happy fuzzy feeling that I seek but, nevertheless, I like the show. Not too long ago, I got into the show and was playing 'catch up' on episodes. I then got to a season that wasn't playing the 'reruns' yet, which eventually killed my addiction.
Temporarily. Then along came Hulu and I was able to feed my addiction once again. Episode after episode I watched until one day Hulu stopped and displayed this message:
"You have been watching for over 3 hours, do you need a break?"
Uhh, wha da heck? Thanks? Wait, no thanks! I mean, geesh... you think I have a problem? Well, watch this! And I click out of there and, uh.... take a break.
In other news, I recently had an interview that I got all decked out for. I had the dress, the shoes, the hair, the makeup - the whole thing - I had it going on. Well, not quite...
I walked up to the front door of the building that day and slowly felt my thigh high hose slide down my leg. And of course there are two guys in front of the building talking and one walking in front of me as I tried to be as discreet as possible by rubbing my other leg up against it to somehow push it upwards. Yet, I couldn't slow down and bring *more* attention to myself, so I kept walking. I was sure despite my desperate attempt at being discreet, it was more obvious by me doing something. So I gave up - and as I clunked up to the door in shoes that only me could make look UN-sexy, my hose fell all the way down to my knee - past my skirt.
And then the guy in front of me opened the door to let me in first - yeah, wasn't that super friggin fantastic of him? lol Normally, that would be ok, but... yeah, not so much that day. I made it to the elevator (which thankfully is not where the guy was going), got in it and pushed the button and hiked up my hose fairly successfully. I then look down to see the other leg had a run in it from the toe all the way up and sighed. I looked up to see the elevator hadn't moved. I pushed the button again, only to find out that I needed a badge to use the friggin elevator. The only positive thing was that it was a good hiding place to deal with my hose at the time.
We will assume there were no cameras in the elevator for the sake of my sanity lol
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Spinal Tap - Tiny Stonehenge
The other day I ordered 2 rugs and some blinds from Home Depot. I ordered these online, as there seemed to be more of a selection and I have a deep-rooted disgust about shopping at any store. I have too many problems shopping at a store, so really, it is best for everyone concerened if I just do my shopping online. Well, uh.... usually....
I receive the first rug and the blinds and was pretty pleased - they were what I expected, so it was pretty uneventful when they made their appearance at our humble abode. Two more days pass by and the other rug had not shown up yet. This has me a bit grumpy, as I am ready to put down a rug by the garage door that will cover most of the hallway-ish area and protect our floors. I look up its status on the UPS site and find out it arrived around 7A at the Kansas UPS site. It was now almost 5P and still no rug had been dropped off at our door.
But finally! The truck shows up, and as I peep out my office window to make sure it was the UPS guy, I see him get out with the package, hear the doorbell ring 10 seconds later, and then see him leaving 5 seconds after that.
Uhh, ok - thanks for making sure the person is home dude! But neveryoumind - I didn't really wanna talk to you anyway lol
So.... excited me runs down the stairs, opens the door, grabs the package and shuts the door about the 5 minutes before my husband arrives home. So needless to say, he got to hear how disgusted I was with UPS, how I have been waiting for this rug, and more. My husband remains optimistic and basically tries to end the conversation about said rug with "Well, at least you have it now".
I glance at him and decide to start opening the package. The rug is rolled up and wrapped in thick plastic - tied at the ends with plastic ties. I am impatient, and instead of doing the sane thing (like get scissors or something), I start ripping into the plastic with my fingernails grumpily. This apparantly worries my husband, as he takes the package away from me and opens it up for me.
And pulls it out....
And looks at it...
And snorts as he asks, "Is it supposed to be this small?"
He holds it up for me to see and I am immediately disgusted all over again. Instead of a 2 foot by 9 foot rug, it is more like a 2 foot by 9 inches rug.
And as I sit there and stutter and grumble and say that maybe it will work after all, husband takes it to the garage door area and sets it down.
The next thing I knowis he is leaning over, his hand bracing himself on the wall by the garage door, staring at the rug. And friggin laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing...
You need pix you say? Well, I dont have any of him laughing, but I can provide you with the before and afters of the rug. Needless to say, I think I might now understand why it was 2 more days before I got this rug. I think the UPS peeps were like WTF?? lol
I receive the first rug and the blinds and was pretty pleased - they were what I expected, so it was pretty uneventful when they made their appearance at our humble abode. Two more days pass by and the other rug had not shown up yet. This has me a bit grumpy, as I am ready to put down a rug by the garage door that will cover most of the hallway-ish area and protect our floors. I look up its status on the UPS site and find out it arrived around 7A at the Kansas UPS site. It was now almost 5P and still no rug had been dropped off at our door.
But finally! The truck shows up, and as I peep out my office window to make sure it was the UPS guy, I see him get out with the package, hear the doorbell ring 10 seconds later, and then see him leaving 5 seconds after that.
Uhh, ok - thanks for making sure the person is home dude! But neveryoumind - I didn't really wanna talk to you anyway lol
So.... excited me runs down the stairs, opens the door, grabs the package and shuts the door about the 5 minutes before my husband arrives home. So needless to say, he got to hear how disgusted I was with UPS, how I have been waiting for this rug, and more. My husband remains optimistic and basically tries to end the conversation about said rug with "Well, at least you have it now".
I glance at him and decide to start opening the package. The rug is rolled up and wrapped in thick plastic - tied at the ends with plastic ties. I am impatient, and instead of doing the sane thing (like get scissors or something), I start ripping into the plastic with my fingernails grumpily. This apparantly worries my husband, as he takes the package away from me and opens it up for me.
And pulls it out....
And looks at it...
And snorts as he asks, "Is it supposed to be this small?"
He holds it up for me to see and I am immediately disgusted all over again. Instead of a 2 foot by 9 foot rug, it is more like a 2 foot by 9 inches rug.
And as I sit there and stutter and grumble and say that maybe it will work after all, husband takes it to the garage door area and sets it down.
The next thing I knowis he is leaning over, his hand bracing himself on the wall by the garage door, staring at the rug. And friggin laughing. And laughing. And laughing. And laughing...
You need pix you say? Well, I dont have any of him laughing, but I can provide you with the before and afters of the rug. Needless to say, I think I might now understand why it was 2 more days before I got this rug. I think the UPS peeps were like WTF?? lol
Monday, May 9, 2011
A Little Happiness in a Fortune Cookie
Well, let me first start this blog post off by saying I have had a tough day emotionally. I have been in a super funky mood ever since I woke up and it hasn't gotten any better. My dogs even haven't been much help, as the youngest one peed on the new carpet and now refuses to go outside. She just sits there and looks at me like its no fair that *I* get to pee inside and she doesn't.
I did manage to get away from the house for a bit to take my husband some lunch and go to the bank. But even that didnt go so well - as the grocery store I decided to stop at for lunch (since I needed a birthday card for a sister who doesn't send me birthday cards - but anyway - thats a whole new blog post) did not go well either.
I get there and try to park and an older man is purposely walking slow - blocking the parking spot I want. I finally get parked and out of the jeep and when I get to the store's door, he is standing there in the middle of it. So since he was being rude, I thought why the heck am *I* being nice? and pushed by into the store.
I mean, seriously? What kind of person just STANDS there?? What kind of person *lives* to piss people off? Or maybe people just wanted to peeve ME off, since on the way to the salad bar I had an even older guy stop pushing his cart and stare at me. When I did get to the salad bar, there was a gal who decided to cut in front of me and then decide that *everything* that the store decided to put in their salad bar that day looked scrumptious and began to slowly pile stuff in her container. And then continue to cut me off when I decide I did not need to have everything on the menu and tried to get around her.
At this point, I seriously felt like taking what little bit of salad toppings I manage to get so far and just slam it in her smug face. But amazingly, I found I had *some* restraint lol
I leave the salad bar and go to the chinese section for my husband. That was fairly uneventful, altho the guy seemed concerned that I was not ordering enuf or something. I am pretty sure I was asked 'is that all'? about 6 times before I was able to pay and leave.
But I did manage to leave the store and was getting close to where my husband worked when I decided maybe I would be in a better mood if I ate one of his fortune cookies. I open one up and find the below statement:
"Use your abilities at this time to stay focused on your goal. You will succeed."
And poof! A little ray of happiness began to creep over me =) It was like I needed that little bump in my ego, that little reminder that things *will* be all right.
And then I got to my husband's work place and saw a young guy in a white 'wife-beater' sitting alongside a gal with bleached blonde hair on my husband's work's front steps whom my husband thinks 'works' next door in what he thinks is a cover for a drug operation....
*SIGH*
Stay focused, Lisa. STAY FOCUSED.
I did manage to get away from the house for a bit to take my husband some lunch and go to the bank. But even that didnt go so well - as the grocery store I decided to stop at for lunch (since I needed a birthday card for a sister who doesn't send me birthday cards - but anyway - thats a whole new blog post) did not go well either.
I get there and try to park and an older man is purposely walking slow - blocking the parking spot I want. I finally get parked and out of the jeep and when I get to the store's door, he is standing there in the middle of it. So since he was being rude, I thought why the heck am *I* being nice? and pushed by into the store.
I mean, seriously? What kind of person just STANDS there?? What kind of person *lives* to piss people off? Or maybe people just wanted to peeve ME off, since on the way to the salad bar I had an even older guy stop pushing his cart and stare at me. When I did get to the salad bar, there was a gal who decided to cut in front of me and then decide that *everything* that the store decided to put in their salad bar that day looked scrumptious and began to slowly pile stuff in her container. And then continue to cut me off when I decide I did not need to have everything on the menu and tried to get around her.
At this point, I seriously felt like taking what little bit of salad toppings I manage to get so far and just slam it in her smug face. But amazingly, I found I had *some* restraint lol
I leave the salad bar and go to the chinese section for my husband. That was fairly uneventful, altho the guy seemed concerned that I was not ordering enuf or something. I am pretty sure I was asked 'is that all'? about 6 times before I was able to pay and leave.
But I did manage to leave the store and was getting close to where my husband worked when I decided maybe I would be in a better mood if I ate one of his fortune cookies. I open one up and find the below statement:
"Use your abilities at this time to stay focused on your goal. You will succeed."
And poof! A little ray of happiness began to creep over me =) It was like I needed that little bump in my ego, that little reminder that things *will* be all right.
And then I got to my husband's work place and saw a young guy in a white 'wife-beater' sitting alongside a gal with bleached blonde hair on my husband's work's front steps whom my husband thinks 'works' next door in what he thinks is a cover for a drug operation....
*SIGH*
Stay focused, Lisa. STAY FOCUSED.
Saturday, April 30, 2011
In Honor of William and Kate
Since William and Kate just got married yesterday, I am sure they got lots of cards (probably with more money in them than I can possibly fathom). And since I have been obsessing about my, uhh... wrong choice of birthday card the other day, I figured I should blog about it =)
I made the typical run to the grocery store the other day and was not shocked to find out that I was just as aggravated about the amount of people there, the ability of those people to all get in my way, the sad way that they all dress because I apparently shop during the hours when ‘what not to wear' is filming, and more.
So I glared. I sighed. I glared and sighed some more. I tried to hurriedly push my cart through aisles before I was pinned in and was not able to tell someone to get the F out of my way, or the person was too old to even hear I said anything.
But I digress.... I should not be a hater lol
Anyway! Last stop was in the card aisle because my husband's daughter just had a birthday and we were going to get together with her for supper soon. Despite it being a few days away, I was going to be proactive and get a couple of birthday cards - that way, my husband can decide which one he likes better to give her. I get a Hoops & Yoyo musical card (cuz really, you usually can't go wrong there) and another card and head home.
My husband gets home a bit later and I show him the cards to pick from. I open the (non)musical card, pretty impressed with my choice until.....
Well, I will post the front and the inside of the card and let y'all figure it out =)
I made the typical run to the grocery store the other day and was not shocked to find out that I was just as aggravated about the amount of people there, the ability of those people to all get in my way, the sad way that they all dress because I apparently shop during the hours when ‘what not to wear' is filming, and more.
So I glared. I sighed. I glared and sighed some more. I tried to hurriedly push my cart through aisles before I was pinned in and was not able to tell someone to get the F out of my way, or the person was too old to even hear I said anything.
But I digress.... I should not be a hater lol
Anyway! Last stop was in the card aisle because my husband's daughter just had a birthday and we were going to get together with her for supper soon. Despite it being a few days away, I was going to be proactive and get a couple of birthday cards - that way, my husband can decide which one he likes better to give her. I get a Hoops & Yoyo musical card (cuz really, you usually can't go wrong there) and another card and head home.
My husband gets home a bit later and I show him the cards to pick from. I open the (non)musical card, pretty impressed with my choice until.....
Well, I will post the front and the inside of the card and let y'all figure it out =)
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