Too Close to Call

Being St Patrick's Day, one would assume there would be good luck floating about galore - and if any good luck was running low, Mr Leprechaun would send some more down to earth (just cuz he is so darn happy he found a pot of gold and all). Howwwevverrr, if you thought that, you would be wrong. Maybe there is alot of good luck dust floating around in the air, but lil ole moi is either not getting any of it or I melt it to smithereens with my body - since it eeks of bad luck obviously. The good luck dust melts away like a snowflake, and I am left with utter frustration. I am *not* being dramatic (ok, well maybe a little), but I am serious that this day has been a frustrating one. Let me give you all a few examples:

UNCOOL: Waking up at 8 A, when you have to be at work AT 8 AM. Not finding your purse, which has the cell phone that was supposed to wake your lame a$$ up, find said purse in vehicle after running outside in PJs with serious bed head.
COOL: Calling in to tell your supervisor you *just* woke up and that you would be late and have her laugh and say, 'ok, we will see when you get here dear'.

UNCOOL: Driving into work and having a minivan go the EXACT SAME SPEED in the fast lane as the truck in the slow lane was and making it impossible to get around and down the road.
COOL: Noticing said truck had a sign that asked 'How am I driving'? Which makes me think to myself, 'pretty good, altho the guy next to you is bein' a dumba$$' - which therefore manages to amuse me until I *can* get around them.

UNCOOL: Printing off 15 page case anaylises for my Business Law class (err, EACH - making a the total amount of trees I killed in the process enuf to make me ashamed). Only to find out when I got home that there was a synopsis for each case in my textbook all along.
COOL: Noticing the teacher has given me all my points on my last 2 case anaylses homework assignments.

UNCOOL: Going to Beauty Brands to get some cosmetic stuff. Husband comes into store from shopping at AT&T and I decide I better try out the 'Happy Heart' massager I was thinking about buying. Ask husband to come here, wanna try something and ask him to turn around. Bring hand up and promptly fling massager past my husband and onto the floor a few feet away.
COOL: Managed not to break massager and did end up buying it and also managed to get husband to give me a short massage with it tonight.

UNCOOL: Going to Legends area to go to the Irish place we thought was still there to eat - see that its called something really uncool like 'Grannies sumpin or da other'. Head somewhere else, husband gets work phone call which takes FOREVERRR. Head to Mexican place where husband asks to have us put in the 'fun' area. We are sat by the window (which is open), and are barely able to see the menus cuz of the glaring sun. Waiter is slow to take our orders, and then seems VERY anxious to clear our table once he finally does. Either he is trying to give us a hint, or he was previously cleaning tables and old habits die hard.
COOL: I did have a very yummy eroticolada drink that helped me not sweat so much - despite the glaring sun.

OK, I am done.....better start on that Business Law assignment and squeeze in some time for drawing, so that the trees didnt have to die for nothing lol

Moments Like This

From: ME [mailto:xxxx@xxxxxx.xxx] Sent: Tuesday, March 10, 2009 6:59 PM
To: HUSBAND
Subject: RE: Stupid Laws of the week

In Florida:
• Women may be fined for falling asleep under a hair dryer, as can the salon owner.
• Men may not be seen publicly in any kind of strapless gown.

Just thought you might like to know – especially the last one lol

From: HUSBAND [mailto:xxxx@xxxxxx.xxx] Sent: Tuesday, March 10, 2009 8:29 PM
To: ME
Subject: RE: Stupid Laws of the week

Um…. Thanks for sharing. I’ll limit my strapless gown wearing to the other 49 States. =)

From: ME [mailto:xxxx@xxxxxx.xxx] Sent: Tuesday, March 10, 2009 8:31 PM
To: HUSBAND
Subject: RE: Stupid Laws of the week

You can always wear gowns with poofy sleeves in Florida instead lol

Smurfette

Have you ever wondered about Smurfette? Have you ever cared? lol Am I showing my age? =) As I was growing up, we only had about 3 channels on our TV to choose from for cartoons on a Saturday morning, and one of those had the Smurfs on them. I grew up admiring Smurfette's bravery - cuz what gal would want to be surrounded by a gadzillion guys? OK, scratch the floozy gals, I am talking about any 'normal' gal. Altho, make it duly noted that Smurfette wasnt 'normal', as her skin was colored blue and all.....

I did Wikipedia Smurfette, and have decided that Wikipedia is now my new best friend instead of Google - as I got LOTS of info on Smurfette =) I was a little insulted to learn Smurfette was initially created to cause trouble amongst the Smurfs, altho it makes us women seem quite powerful I guess. I honestly wonder how messed up on drugs someone would have to be to create little (not more than 3 apples tall according to Wikipedia lol) blue dudes with tails and white pointy hats who run around in an unnamed forest. I have never done drugs, altho I *have* gotten quite drunk a few times - but never do I see blue dudes.

Altho, I guess I barely see the sidewalk when I am walking down it drunk either lol

The Price of Looking Beautiful

It seems that not everything I make a comment on at work is ignored - altho I sometimes think that maybe it would be better if it had been ignored. Like today..... I have had some issues with eyeliner lately and made the comment that I am thinking I should get it tattooed on my eyes so that I do not have to worry about it anymore. The first eyeliner smeared everywhere at the slightest touch & the second eyeliner would not smear, but I would have to rub my eyes raw before it came off. Not to mention the fact that that if it got on my eyelashes, there seemed to be no way to get it off except plucking my eyelashes out - whether by purpose or the 'oh sh*t' I didnt mean for that to happen sorta thing. Anyway, my comment promptly got the attention of one of my coworkers and she proceeded to tell me how BAD of an idea it was to tattoo it on me. It apparantly concerned her so much that she googled it and clicked past the 'do not view this during working hours warning box' to go to a page that had a BUNCH of people saying what all of the cons are (some sorta Yahoo page I think).

I told her Rosanne Barr had it done, which I realize is not a raging endorsement of any kind, but.... I do not seem to remember pictures of her eyes looking funky. Just the rest of her lol

Well, anyway.... back to eyeliner....

My coworker thought I should try other brands of eyeliner before I made such a rash decision. I acknowledged the rationale in this line of thought and made another comment about seeing what brand of eyeliner I did have. This comment also got me in trouble, as apparantly I am not carrying any sort of brand with me, its one of the cheapest eyeliners you can buy I guess (in my defense, with a name called Wet & Wild on the bottle, how was I supposed to know? lol).

Therefore, I was promptly embarassed by my ability to be cheap on something as critical as makeup to put on my face. So that was a mission tonight - I bought the most (err.... one of the most) expensive eyeliners at .....umm.... Target I could find.

So wish me luck ya'all! Otherwise I may be that friend you dont wanna invite out anywhere cuz I do not have eyelashes and red poofy eyes and look like I did too much meth or sumpin.

Not that I know what meth does to ya lol

A Trip to Home Depot

Once upon a time at a Home Depot, a husband and wife head out to look at hardwood to redo their living room floor with. They stop at a local Mexican restaurant to eat a decent supper, despite how abnormally low the booths were that they had to sit in. They ignored the slow-ish service and the fact that their pants were cutting into their tummys cuz of the odd angle they were sitting and finished their supper and headed out to the car to go to Home Depot to look at the hardwoods.

Once there, they spend many minutes going back and forth between several different kinds of hardwoods in order to decide which one they liked the best. For some reason, Home Depot decides to seperate their choice of hardwoods to buy into two different sections of the store, so husband and wife get a workout making the treks back and forth.

Finally a decision was made and husband and wife were standing at the checkout counter waiting to sign their life away in order to get hardwood put in their house. The checkout gal had to go....err....checkout something....and left husband and wife at the counter waiting. This provided the wife with an opportunity to lean against the counter, stretch out her back that was cramping up from standing so long and take a good look at her husband.

The first thing she notices is that he has decided to start working on a 'soul' patch on his face. Wife comments on this new look, to which he replied:

"Well, I am surprised you would notice that and not my sideburns."

Wife takes another good look and starts laughing at the groovy sideburns her husband now has. These are not normal sideburns, these are sideburns that you would find on someone that is badly wanting to look like a redneck. They start from the ear area and go all the way down to his neck - kinda getting slightly wider as they get further down the neck.

And now the wife can not notice anything else BUT these friggin sideburns that her husband worked so hard on. She now spends her days planning ways to get him to either shave it off or find ways she can shave it off for him. She no longer looks at her husbands beautiful blue eyes when she looks at his face, but instead just sees a scrabbly mass of brownish sideburns that seem to overwhelm his face more every time she looks at him.

She has addressed this issue with her husband, only to have him retort:

"I have just three words for you. FRENCH SILK PIE."

French Silk Pie

My day has been dominated by French Silk Pie. Not eating it..... but hearing about it. Over and over and over again.....

This morning, one of the first things I accomplished as soon as I got dressed and showered for the day was throwing the last piece of French Silk Pie down the garbage disposal. This was not the only thing to meet its demise in the garbage disposal, but it appears its the only thing that appeared to be important to my husband. Once he comes into the kitchen and helps out by starting dishes, he casually asks:

"Did you throw the pasta away?""

"Yeah" I reply, "Along with the last piece of French Silk Pie & some leftover mashed potatoes."

A once productive husband that was helping his wife out doing dishes suddenly stops washing the dish he is on, turns around with an incredulous look on his face and says:

"WHAT?? Please tell me you really ate the last piece of French Silk Pie."

Ummmm....... needless to say, I had to tell him that I had indeed threw it down the garbage disposal, which I have not heard the end of today. If I mentioned he looked flushed, he said it was because he was still upset about the French Silk Pie. If mentioned someone else looked happy, he would reply that they probably didnt have someone throw their French Silk Pie down the garbage disposal.

So on the way back home after our errands and such today, we were discussing French Silk Pie again for about the 10th time, when I made a mention that he could go to the store and BUY a friggin piece of French Silk Pie if it bothers him so much. He replies that it is very rare to see French Silk Pie sold by the slice at the store, and says that we are headed to the grocery store so he can show me just how right he is. I, of course, am in no mood to go to the store and stand in front of the bakery counter and have him sigh. But that *is* what happened, only with an "I told you so" attached to it.

However, we do not dwell on it (errrr, too much) and move on to other things we need while we are there and head to check out line. We are in the check out lane for a total of 1 minute before someone else is behind us. We both look back at the same time and notice the guy has stacked about 3-4 pies on the conveyer belt.

I look at my husband. He looks at me. We both about loose it - but my husband turns around and tells the guy that he can put the divider behind the pies and we will buy the pies, it would not be a problem at all for us to do so. The guy laughs and says something about us regretting it once all the calories hit our stomachs. My husband laughs also and says, nahh.... thats ok.... its kinda a long story between my wife and I. To which I pipe up and say:

"No, not really. Just a pretty short story repeated MANY times".

So anyway! We make it out of the store, get in the truck and I tell my husband that I have decided that God is taking his side on this French Silk Pie deal. Seriously, lets think about it..... it was the Super Bowl today. Anyone in the grocery store *should* be buying chicken wings, hamburger, steaks, chips, salsa, beer..... ANYTHING else but friggin PIE.

Even the simple lessons in life are really rubbed in my face I tell ya lol

New Technology

I am not ready for new technology, my brain is just not capable of making so many changes at once. I am a little overwhelmed with my college classes, so my new laptop is stressing me out trying to get everything on it that was on my old one. PLUS figgerin' out where all my programs are, how hard to click, what to touch and not touch..... its just been all one big hassle. I truly have not had time to actually *enjoy* having a new laptop.

And on top of that, I decided that I was gonna make the leap from an iPhone to a Windows Mobile/HTC phone that enables me to look at word docs (for my college classes) and do all sorts of more grown up things that the iPhone never was capable of letting me do. However, that has also been a problem. From the start, my new phone has been a pain in the a$$. I got it while on our trip to FL, and it has went downhill ever since then.

First time I used it I could not even connect to the internet on it. My husband is sweet enuf to give customer service a call to find out whats wrong. He tells her that he does not think my iPhone internet package was switched to the HTC package. The gal argues with him on it, even tho what she had initially read off on the account was *exactly* what my husband says. And after she decides he needs to get off the phone to call him back on his cell to fix MY cell, she ends up calling my cell #, says sorry when my husband informs her of this, laughs and calls back on the right phone. MANY minutes later, MANY tries later, she decides its the SIM card and we need to go back to the store and swap it out. ONLY to find out at the store that it was the internet package after swapping out the phone, thinking it must be the phone cuz the old one did not work any better with a new SIM card.

Anyway! Fast forward to the drive home and on to yesterday......I tried to get my voicemail set up and it did not recognize the number. My husband tries calling and the 'help' line is closed already. I call the next day and find out that the voicemail feature was never switched either *arggh* So that got fixed..... and I was on to figgering out how to switch the background picture of a dude that I accidently put on it. I spent DAYS messing with it - I seriously was getting pissed, as its really uncool to have a friggin DUDE's silhouette for the background on my cell phone. It should be a women's/gal's silhouette at least for my phone - I am friggin female after all. My husband looks at my cell phone last night and 10 minutes later has it fixed. Soooo.... ya see..... I am not sure I am mentally capable of owning a Windows Mobile phone.

Altho, with the way my brain goes in stages from loosing it not not remembering a single friggin thing lately, I am not sure I am mentally capable of anything lately *sigh*

OK, am done griping..... sorry ya'all..... am in a funk, and figgered who better to understand than ya'all? =)