Yes ya'all, I am sorry to tell you this..... but it’s true. What guys define as romance and what gals determine it should be are two different things. Let me tell you a little story about a long drive home the other night that a husband and wife were taking in order to get home from vacation.
Husband pulls over at a gas station in order to fill up the gas tank and make the necessary pit stops (i.e. snacks, bathroom, etc.) Wife waits patiently in the passenger seat of the car while said husband gets out and starts putting gasoline in the car. Husband stays outside by the side of the car, waiting for the tank to fill up. Wife decides to show her love by enacting a scene out of the movie 'The Titanic'.
Do ya'all know where I am going? That scene where they 'get it on' in the car, its all steamy in the car, and one of their hands reach up to the window of the car and slide down - leaving a handprint cuz there is all sorts of condensation on the window.
So anyway!
Wife puts her hand on the window of their car and slowly slides it down, putting on her most love stricken look possible. Husband squints at her, shakes his head and returns his attention the gas pump. Wife decides husband did not understand her intentions and again puts her hand on the car window, slides it down slowly and looks love stricken. Husband then glares at her. Wife decides he needs to understand just how romantic she is being and decides to do it a third time.
Wife's hand slides slowly down window. Wife looks love stricken. Husband then has had enuf and says in a loud voice (mind you, the window is up, so wife can hear him inside the car despite the window being up):
"What the f*ck are you doing?"
So then wife has to explain that she is enacting a scene of the 'Titanic' on the way into the gas station, to which her husband laughs and says:
"I was just thinking, da*nit! I am gonna have to clean those windows now"
Wife rests her case....
Sunday, December 14, 2008
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Margaritas and Monkeys
Vegas has been fun =) Inspired by our friends at the OJ party we had the other night, we decided to go to 'Margaritaville' for food and drinks. That was fairly interesting, as while we were eating, they stopped the music and put on a skit with 3 people on stilts and a blonde running around in a swimming suit holding a tray with margarita glasses on it. This skit was all done to the song 'Margaritaville' and ended with the blonde falling in a fake volcano (yes, that was built in the restaurant), only to climb out and slide down the volcano and splash into a blender full of fake margarita mix.
No wait! The blonde did get on some sort of swing and swing around above the bar after that. I believe THAT was the end.
Uhuh, yup.....wholesome family fun lol
Anywhooo .... one of the highlights of the trip so far for me is the other morning when I was in the shower. OK, stop it..... I am not going where you think I am going!
Anyway! I am in the shower, towards the shower head and then turn around to the other side - all the while closing my eyes in happiness from the burning hot water that I find so relaxing. I then open my eyes ...... and on the shower wall I see a picture and the words 'Death Monkey'.
And yes, the picture was of an evil looking monkey, fangs and all. This was left on the shower wall the previous night courtesy of my devoted, loving husband.
=)
No wait! The blonde did get on some sort of swing and swing around above the bar after that. I believe THAT was the end.
Uhuh, yup.....wholesome family fun lol
Anywhooo .... one of the highlights of the trip so far for me is the other morning when I was in the shower. OK, stop it..... I am not going where you think I am going!
Anyway! I am in the shower, towards the shower head and then turn around to the other side - all the while closing my eyes in happiness from the burning hot water that I find so relaxing. I then open my eyes ...... and on the shower wall I see a picture and the words 'Death Monkey'.
And yes, the picture was of an evil looking monkey, fangs and all. This was left on the shower wall the previous night courtesy of my devoted, loving husband.
=)
Sunday, December 7, 2008
On Da Road
Alright, this anniversary vacation has not gotten off to a great start. Yesterday, everything worked against us, so we did not get on the road until 5 P ish. The initial game plan was to be on the road by noon.... but.....well, ya know....
We slept in the car yesterday night and got a room at a Days Inn about an hour away from Flagstaff, AZ tonight. We were hoping to be in Vegas by now, but we were both wanting to get out of the car pretty bad after spending the night in it.
Plus, we did not make as good of time today as we wouldve hoped - probably cuz we felt skanky, tired, sore and slightly grumpy lol Some of the places to stop along the way are less than satisfactory, especially if you have to use the facilities. One of our stops had clean restrooms, but the employee behind the counter and the ladies sitting at a table eating their goodies they just bought were a bit disconcerting to say the least. Of course, the husband decides he is gonna check on the car, says he will be right back and tells me to 'go shopping'. Well, he took foreverrrrrrr ....... which wouldnt have been as bad if I didnt feel a bit weird listening to the gal with the mullet behind the counter singing Tobey Keith's 'Who's your Daddy?' song. I finally couldnt take it anymore and went outside to tell him he was taking entirely too long =)
But other than that, life is good lol
We slept in the car yesterday night and got a room at a Days Inn about an hour away from Flagstaff, AZ tonight. We were hoping to be in Vegas by now, but we were both wanting to get out of the car pretty bad after spending the night in it.
Plus, we did not make as good of time today as we wouldve hoped - probably cuz we felt skanky, tired, sore and slightly grumpy lol Some of the places to stop along the way are less than satisfactory, especially if you have to use the facilities. One of our stops had clean restrooms, but the employee behind the counter and the ladies sitting at a table eating their goodies they just bought were a bit disconcerting to say the least. Of course, the husband decides he is gonna check on the car, says he will be right back and tells me to 'go shopping'. Well, he took foreverrrrrrr ....... which wouldnt have been as bad if I didnt feel a bit weird listening to the gal with the mullet behind the counter singing Tobey Keith's 'Who's your Daddy?' song. I finally couldnt take it anymore and went outside to tell him he was taking entirely too long =)
But other than that, life is good lol
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
A Knittin' Fool
I can not feel my fingers .....
No, wait! I *can* feel my fingers. They friggin THROB - payment for the knitting I have been doin' lately I guess. My lower back kills me too *whine, whine* Knitting for charity shouldve been started a LONG time ago, but oh well.... am sure the kids in Haiti will appreciate the bears =) And I am sure the baby hats I am knitting also will look pretty stylin' on the baby's heads lol
My youngest pup keeps taking off with my yarn, tho, which doesnt help. Actually, it does help in a way, as it makes me stand up every so often and not make my back totally messed up. My youngest pup is usually not content to just take the yarn, tho. She must unravel it all the way out of the office, and then nose it down the stairs, so that it unwinds all the way down the stairs too *ughh*
Am getting to the point where I am tempted to let her have ALL my yarn - been knitting WAY too much =)
No, wait! I *can* feel my fingers. They friggin THROB - payment for the knitting I have been doin' lately I guess. My lower back kills me too *whine, whine* Knitting for charity shouldve been started a LONG time ago, but oh well.... am sure the kids in Haiti will appreciate the bears =) And I am sure the baby hats I am knitting also will look pretty stylin' on the baby's heads lol
My youngest pup keeps taking off with my yarn, tho, which doesnt help. Actually, it does help in a way, as it makes me stand up every so often and not make my back totally messed up. My youngest pup is usually not content to just take the yarn, tho. She must unravel it all the way out of the office, and then nose it down the stairs, so that it unwinds all the way down the stairs too *ughh*
Am getting to the point where I am tempted to let her have ALL my yarn - been knitting WAY too much =)
Monday, November 24, 2008
Panda Pez
Once upon a time, I had one of my good friends give me a panda pez. I was pretty darn tickled by this, and have kept it in the cupboard - just in case I want to fill it full of pez candy-goodness someday. However, today it seems my panda pez has had enuf of being ignored and is crying out to be noticed. As this is what I found when I opened my cupboard door tonight.....
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
You Are Gonna Go Far Kid
Well, not really - not at the rate I am going this week lol Monday began with a 'Healthier Me' appointment scheduled at work, which tested my cholesterol, glucose and other such related things. They have me scheduled at 8:42A for it - yeah, kinda odd that they didnt try the every 5 minute thing, like whats wrong with 8:45A? But anywhoooo...
Work began with me accidently clicking a file of mine and moving it somewhere else - and that somewhere else was a mystery to even me. I did not see where it went, it just disappeared. So off Lisa went to search her fussy computer for her lost file. Amazingly, this does not take too terribly long. What DOES take terribly long is figgerin' out how to move it back =/ My husband text messages me with the hint 'copy and paste is your friend'. I go to explorer, find my file and move it to the file it should go to - AND it starts a fairly lengthy process of copying the files. Feeling mighty proud of myself, I think' 'HA! I should text my husband and tell him Explorer is my friend and NOT copy and paste!' Altho, its a good thing I didnt, as once it was all done, there still was no file transfered to the correct spot.
The short story of this? Copy and Paste was INDEED my friend.
Anywhoooo! I fix the problem and head off to the other building for my 'Healthier Me' appointment. I am almost to the building and realize I forgot my Blue Cross/Blue Shield card I needed to show them to take the 'Healthier Me' appointment. Already running late, I run all the way back to the building I came from, got to my cubicle, grabbed my card and ran all the way back to the building I needed to go to. I get to where I need to check in and the guy asks me how I am doing. I breathlessly reply:
"Just great"
In probably the most sarcastic voice ever - which must have been detected by the guy, cuz he laughs and gives me the form I need to fill out. I stand and fill out the form - despite the 3 chairs that are available for me to sit down in. As I am doing so, another person walks up to check in and the guy asks him:
'Do you have your Blue Cross/Blue Shield card with you'?
'No, I forgot it', the guy replies.
'Thats ok', says the guy who is checking him in says, 'Just give me your last four digits of your social security #'.
I stop filling out the form and am almost tempted to give it back to the dude and say, 'SCREW YOU & YOUR HEALTHIER YOU CRAP - I almost had a heart attack running over here cuz I thought you needed the F'N card'
But I restain myself, fill out the rest of the form, hand it back to the guy and walk in. And guess what? When they take my pulse rate, its 92.....
Who wouldve friggin thought? lol
Anywhooo..... THAT was just the beginning of my week. I aint telling you the rest. Altho, I DO have to impart some other wisdom before I sign off on this blog post:
Do NOT use aluminum knitting needles as drum sticks when beating on your desk that has a glass top.
Just sayin'.....
=)
Work began with me accidently clicking a file of mine and moving it somewhere else - and that somewhere else was a mystery to even me. I did not see where it went, it just disappeared. So off Lisa went to search her fussy computer for her lost file. Amazingly, this does not take too terribly long. What DOES take terribly long is figgerin' out how to move it back =/ My husband text messages me with the hint 'copy and paste is your friend'. I go to explorer, find my file and move it to the file it should go to - AND it starts a fairly lengthy process of copying the files. Feeling mighty proud of myself, I think' 'HA! I should text my husband and tell him Explorer is my friend and NOT copy and paste!' Altho, its a good thing I didnt, as once it was all done, there still was no file transfered to the correct spot.
The short story of this? Copy and Paste was INDEED my friend.
Anywhoooo! I fix the problem and head off to the other building for my 'Healthier Me' appointment. I am almost to the building and realize I forgot my Blue Cross/Blue Shield card I needed to show them to take the 'Healthier Me' appointment. Already running late, I run all the way back to the building I came from, got to my cubicle, grabbed my card and ran all the way back to the building I needed to go to. I get to where I need to check in and the guy asks me how I am doing. I breathlessly reply:
"Just great"
In probably the most sarcastic voice ever - which must have been detected by the guy, cuz he laughs and gives me the form I need to fill out. I stand and fill out the form - despite the 3 chairs that are available for me to sit down in. As I am doing so, another person walks up to check in and the guy asks him:
'Do you have your Blue Cross/Blue Shield card with you'?
'No, I forgot it', the guy replies.
'Thats ok', says the guy who is checking him in says, 'Just give me your last four digits of your social security #'.
I stop filling out the form and am almost tempted to give it back to the dude and say, 'SCREW YOU & YOUR HEALTHIER YOU CRAP - I almost had a heart attack running over here cuz I thought you needed the F'N card'
But I restain myself, fill out the rest of the form, hand it back to the guy and walk in. And guess what? When they take my pulse rate, its 92.....
Who wouldve friggin thought? lol
Anywhooo..... THAT was just the beginning of my week. I aint telling you the rest. Altho, I DO have to impart some other wisdom before I sign off on this blog post:
Do NOT use aluminum knitting needles as drum sticks when beating on your desk that has a glass top.
Just sayin'.....
=)
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
One of Those Days
Sometimes a day is just not meant to be I think. Sometimes I think you should just go to bed and wake up a bit later, ready to start it all over again.
I think that I am having one of those days. Altho, I suppose there is no guarantee I am gonna wake up and everything fixes itself. I actually do not even have that option, as I am now at work on my lunch break. I guess I could take a nap and see if that helps, but after the endless hassles I have had already, I think I need more than just a nap.
After I found my Discover card I have been missing for the last couple of weeks this morning, I thought this was a sign – that the day was gonna be pretty darn good. And almost as if someone proves me wrong, everything else after that did not go right.
I feed the dogs, only to have the younger one do a #2 *immediately* afterwords. I, umm….catch her in the act and send her outside. I clean it up and go into the bedroom and back out in a matter of 5 minutes. ANOTHER friggin spot on the carpet *sigh* I try to grab her, but she must realize I am pissed (no pun intended), and starts moving away from me on the stairs. I finally get ahold of her, only to bonk her head against the stairs. To her credit, she did not utter a sound, and it had to hurt just a little. Trying not to feel guilty about it, I put her outside again, clean up the carpet and let her in. The guilt sets in and I spend several minutes holding her, consoling her, and having a ‘talk’ with her.
That done, I needed to head off to work – as I was already running late. I put my stuff in the jeep, knowing I need my coat, which I decide to go back inside to get. I go back inside, and friggin forget what I came in the house for. I pet the dogs, waiting to remember and almost head out without a coat – and then I remember it. I grab it from the washer/dryer area, as I had recently just washed it and notice that there is paper residue all over it. I think, what the heck (rather, more like he double L, but…) and grab it anyway and head out again. I get in the jeep and hit the garage door opener to close the door. I hit it again. Again, AGAIN. AND FRIGGIN AGAIN.
It finally closes and I am on my way to work! *feeble yay* I am running so late I do not have time to put my makeup on at home, so at a stop sign I apply my foundation. And yes, it F’N falls out of my hands and splatters all over the side of my jeep’s door. I take deep breaths, not trying to let this get the best of me and grab a napkin. There were two problems with this:
#1 It smears the foundation instead of taking it off.
#2 The foundation hit the vented area on my door, so it now spreads the foundation INSIDE the vented area.
Screw it! I think…..I will just clean it later. I make it the rest of the way to work and am in the parking lot at 8:02 A. I open the door, grab my purse, and then reach back for my coat. And as if to say that even IT thinks its too cold (or for all I know, maybe it was embarrassed to go inside with paper particles over it), it grabs onto my passenger seat and I have to tug hard to get it out.
Satisfied I won the battle with the coat, I go inside, sit at my desk and clock in at 8:04A. Looking for the small victories where I can, I sigh a happy sigh of relief. I then look down at my coat and see the buttons on the coat had taken a beating when washed and now are all scratched up…..
&*%*%$^#&^I^&$*#$^%##
F’N WEDNESDAY – I HATE YOU
I think that I am having one of those days. Altho, I suppose there is no guarantee I am gonna wake up and everything fixes itself. I actually do not even have that option, as I am now at work on my lunch break. I guess I could take a nap and see if that helps, but after the endless hassles I have had already, I think I need more than just a nap.
After I found my Discover card I have been missing for the last couple of weeks this morning, I thought this was a sign – that the day was gonna be pretty darn good. And almost as if someone proves me wrong, everything else after that did not go right.
I feed the dogs, only to have the younger one do a #2 *immediately* afterwords. I, umm….catch her in the act and send her outside. I clean it up and go into the bedroom and back out in a matter of 5 minutes. ANOTHER friggin spot on the carpet *sigh* I try to grab her, but she must realize I am pissed (no pun intended), and starts moving away from me on the stairs. I finally get ahold of her, only to bonk her head against the stairs. To her credit, she did not utter a sound, and it had to hurt just a little. Trying not to feel guilty about it, I put her outside again, clean up the carpet and let her in. The guilt sets in and I spend several minutes holding her, consoling her, and having a ‘talk’ with her.
That done, I needed to head off to work – as I was already running late. I put my stuff in the jeep, knowing I need my coat, which I decide to go back inside to get. I go back inside, and friggin forget what I came in the house for. I pet the dogs, waiting to remember and almost head out without a coat – and then I remember it. I grab it from the washer/dryer area, as I had recently just washed it and notice that there is paper residue all over it. I think, what the heck (rather, more like he double L, but…) and grab it anyway and head out again. I get in the jeep and hit the garage door opener to close the door. I hit it again. Again, AGAIN. AND FRIGGIN AGAIN.
It finally closes and I am on my way to work! *feeble yay* I am running so late I do not have time to put my makeup on at home, so at a stop sign I apply my foundation. And yes, it F’N falls out of my hands and splatters all over the side of my jeep’s door. I take deep breaths, not trying to let this get the best of me and grab a napkin. There were two problems with this:
#1 It smears the foundation instead of taking it off.
#2 The foundation hit the vented area on my door, so it now spreads the foundation INSIDE the vented area.
Screw it! I think…..I will just clean it later. I make it the rest of the way to work and am in the parking lot at 8:02 A. I open the door, grab my purse, and then reach back for my coat. And as if to say that even IT thinks its too cold (or for all I know, maybe it was embarrassed to go inside with paper particles over it), it grabs onto my passenger seat and I have to tug hard to get it out.
Satisfied I won the battle with the coat, I go inside, sit at my desk and clock in at 8:04A. Looking for the small victories where I can, I sigh a happy sigh of relief. I then look down at my coat and see the buttons on the coat had taken a beating when washed and now are all scratched up…..
&*%*%$^#&^I^&$*#$^%##
F’N WEDNESDAY – I HATE YOU
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