I guess you could say I am a wordsmith. Or maybe not. Depends on your definition of a wordsmith actually. If you describe one as an individiual capable of using current words or creating words to be used for current day terms? YUP. That would be me. However, if you wanna use the dictionary version of a wordsmith, *maybe* I am not THAT person.
On the way home today, I was trying to relate a story to my husband. I decided I would show him how intelligent I was by starting it with:
'Well, if one was to pre FACE it...."
After which an actual wordsmith, or someone less liberal with words, snorts and laughs:
"WHAT? You mean PREFACE??? (http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/preface)
To which I reply:
"Shuddup. JUST. Shuddup."
To which this person replies:
"No, I mean - my E - soph - A - gus (http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/esophagus) really hurts.
To which I reply:
"SERIOUSLY. shuddup. JUST SHUDDUP."
And as I sigh I make a mental note NOT to use that word again lol
Wednesday, April 11, 2012
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
Winning
The other day my husband and I were driving somewhere and started talking about a movie we had seen with Jean-Claude Van Damme in it. We noted it was a 'decent' movie and agreed that it deserved probably about 3 out of 5 stars. However, from there, we dissected the movie a bit more by commenting on how certain parts seemed like Van Damme was trying to look *too* bad a$$.
I mention how it reminds me of Steven Seagal, even though Seagal has seen his heyday so to speak - Seagal keeps appearing in the occasional movie like he has not aged and like he has miraculously turned into a better actor. Which prompted my husband to start talking in a Seagal voice on EVERYTHING after that he said...
Tired of his antics, I started singing the song 'I wanna kiss you all over' by Exile which he hates. And, by the way, if you are wondering why he hates it, just watch this video and watch the main dude singing. I mean, REALLLY, watch the main dude singing lol (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NJJQpSzDgC0)
Anywhooo! This worked temporarily - very, very temporarily. After maybe a minute he starts singing the Beverly Hillbillies theme song which I hate...
Yeah, so anyway! The moral to this story? Sometimes even when you think you are winning you are not...
Sorry to burst y'all's bubble =)
I mention how it reminds me of Steven Seagal, even though Seagal has seen his heyday so to speak - Seagal keeps appearing in the occasional movie like he has not aged and like he has miraculously turned into a better actor. Which prompted my husband to start talking in a Seagal voice on EVERYTHING after that he said...
Tired of his antics, I started singing the song 'I wanna kiss you all over' by Exile which he hates. And, by the way, if you are wondering why he hates it, just watch this video and watch the main dude singing. I mean, REALLLY, watch the main dude singing lol (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NJJQpSzDgC0)
Anywhooo! This worked temporarily - very, very temporarily. After maybe a minute he starts singing the Beverly Hillbillies theme song which I hate...
Yeah, so anyway! The moral to this story? Sometimes even when you think you are winning you are not...
Sorry to burst y'all's bubble =)
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
Being Sick...
There are times when you don’t need input from certain people when you are sick. Usually, this happens when it is not a close friend or someone with good intentions…
However, when it is a company that is just trying to upsell their product? Yeah… that is not so cool..
Not too long ago I was miserable with the ‘creeping crud’ that seems to be making its rounds. I was congested, my head hurt, my body ached, and well…. I just felt overall miserable in a nutshell. However, I was not to be deterred in my attempts to make this crud go away that much quicker. I put a hot towel on my head. I double dosed on Mucinex to where I found it difficult to even sleep. And I tried using breathe right strips on my nose to uh, breathe better….
Yet, even the latter did not end well, as I managed to bruise my nose. Since my husband was gone at the time, I texted him a picture of my displeasure/disgust. I even ’tweeted’ about how my nose was bruised… only to get this in response the next day:
FROM@ Breathe Right: Can u please give us a call so we can answer any questions and understand how ur using Breathe Right? 1-800-858-6673. Thanks!
Uhhh??
Errr???
Ummm??
#1 I do not need to call you. IF I wanted to call you, I would have done so to begin with. I *am* sick, remember? I just wanna curl up in my bed and be as lazy as possible – do you think being lazy entails calling F’N you? *Lisa takes imaginary phone and slams it into something hard to make herself feel better*
#2 Why da heck do you think it’s MY fault? Maybe, just maybe, your flippin’ product doesn’t work as well as you think/hoped. And maybe I don’t think it’s gonna make me feel better by calling you to tell you what you are doing wrong!? *Lisa takes imaginary cell phone again and throws it across the room*
#3 WTF? Seriously? ME call YOU??!! Are you not the least but concerned my nose is bruised and that I am sick? HUH? *whine* *Lisa picks up imaginary cell phone & holds it as she cries big large drops of sadness onto it*
So there ya have it Breathe Right. I will pinch my nose really hard to make myself feel better before using you again thank you very much.
However, when it is a company that is just trying to upsell their product? Yeah… that is not so cool..
Not too long ago I was miserable with the ‘creeping crud’ that seems to be making its rounds. I was congested, my head hurt, my body ached, and well…. I just felt overall miserable in a nutshell. However, I was not to be deterred in my attempts to make this crud go away that much quicker. I put a hot towel on my head. I double dosed on Mucinex to where I found it difficult to even sleep. And I tried using breathe right strips on my nose to uh, breathe better….
Yet, even the latter did not end well, as I managed to bruise my nose. Since my husband was gone at the time, I texted him a picture of my displeasure/disgust. I even ’tweeted’ about how my nose was bruised… only to get this in response the next day:
FROM@ Breathe Right: Can u please give us a call so we can answer any questions and understand how ur using Breathe Right? 1-800-858-6673. Thanks!
Uhhh??
Errr???
Ummm??
#1 I do not need to call you. IF I wanted to call you, I would have done so to begin with. I *am* sick, remember? I just wanna curl up in my bed and be as lazy as possible – do you think being lazy entails calling F’N you? *Lisa takes imaginary phone and slams it into something hard to make herself feel better*
#2 Why da heck do you think it’s MY fault? Maybe, just maybe, your flippin’ product doesn’t work as well as you think/hoped. And maybe I don’t think it’s gonna make me feel better by calling you to tell you what you are doing wrong!? *Lisa takes imaginary cell phone again and throws it across the room*
#3 WTF? Seriously? ME call YOU??!! Are you not the least but concerned my nose is bruised and that I am sick? HUH? *whine* *Lisa picks up imaginary cell phone & holds it as she cries big large drops of sadness onto it*
So there ya have it Breathe Right. I will pinch my nose really hard to make myself feel better before using you again thank you very much.
Monday, February 27, 2012
Anger Management Issues
There comes a day when you realize you might have anger management issues. That day was today for me...
Since we decided to say a big 'F' you! (uhh, I mean, thanks for trying, but we don't like your service) to Time Warner Cable about a year ago, we do not have local TV stations. Therefore, since the first NASCAR race of the season was today, my husband required bar food (ie wifi, ie many local sports channels). And so henceforth we went to our local Tanners...
However, once there, things went downhill for me. It first started with me thinking I can spend my time trying to make my eReader work on my iPad. I tried to log in to the full website for eReader, only to find out that it kept redirecting me to back to the mobile site.
So I continue to hit my finger onto my keypad harder….and harder… and HARDEERRR…
Until I realize that maybe the eReader app I downloaded for my iPad might not work. So not to be deterred, I went to search Google again and found that there is no solution to my problem…
WHAT?? %%^&^*((&!!?? Don’t *^^%%&@#@##@#..... Uhhh… tell me that!!
So I googled some more and found out that maybe….*maybe*…. DropBox could help me out since that last post was in 2010….
I smile smugly at my husband as I download it. I say in an elated voice that I may have found a solution to my husband…
And then I try the downloaded version…
And realize I am not able to find anything out with my friggin iPad, cuz it’s considered a ‘mobile’ device…. *grrrrrr*
Anywhoooo! Husband takes a commercial break to go to the bathroom. I go to the bathroom to take a break. PERIOD.
I decide not to use the first stall cuz I figured everybody in a bar is gonna take the easy way out and use the first stall they find. So I go to the 3rd stall and find that someone didn’t flush. EWW. So I go to the 4th stall. UGGHHH….. same thing! So I go back to the first stall and try to shut the stall door.
And try…
And try again..
REALLY pissed off, I try to yank the stall door to me –yet, it still refused to close all the way. So what do I do? I get out of the stall and pull on the handle, and…
YANK THE F’N thing OFF!
Know what I was doing? Closing the wrong bathroom stall door for where I wanted to do, uh….my business…
So I went to the VERY end stall and did so – and laughed the whole time. Then I got done, washed my hands, and then tried to affix the stall doors handle back on as best as I could. Only I pulled the handle out of the stall door from its' friggin HINGES, so I was not ready with my handy dandy screw driver to fully rectify the stoopid mistake/accident I had caused…
Needless to say, I left the bathroom with tears in my eyes from crying/laughing so hard…
Since we decided to say a big 'F' you! (uhh, I mean, thanks for trying, but we don't like your service) to Time Warner Cable about a year ago, we do not have local TV stations. Therefore, since the first NASCAR race of the season was today, my husband required bar food (ie wifi, ie many local sports channels). And so henceforth we went to our local Tanners...
However, once there, things went downhill for me. It first started with me thinking I can spend my time trying to make my eReader work on my iPad. I tried to log in to the full website for eReader, only to find out that it kept redirecting me to back to the mobile site.
So I continue to hit my finger onto my keypad harder….and harder… and HARDEERRR…
Until I realize that maybe the eReader app I downloaded for my iPad might not work. So not to be deterred, I went to search Google again and found that there is no solution to my problem…
WHAT?? %%^&^*((&!!?? Don’t *^^%%&@#@##@#..... Uhhh… tell me that!!
So I googled some more and found out that maybe….*maybe*…. DropBox could help me out since that last post was in 2010….
I smile smugly at my husband as I download it. I say in an elated voice that I may have found a solution to my husband…
And then I try the downloaded version…
And realize I am not able to find anything out with my friggin iPad, cuz it’s considered a ‘mobile’ device…. *grrrrrr*
Anywhoooo! Husband takes a commercial break to go to the bathroom. I go to the bathroom to take a break. PERIOD.
I decide not to use the first stall cuz I figured everybody in a bar is gonna take the easy way out and use the first stall they find. So I go to the 3rd stall and find that someone didn’t flush. EWW. So I go to the 4th stall. UGGHHH….. same thing! So I go back to the first stall and try to shut the stall door.
And try…
And try again..
REALLY pissed off, I try to yank the stall door to me –yet, it still refused to close all the way. So what do I do? I get out of the stall and pull on the handle, and…
YANK THE F’N thing OFF!
Know what I was doing? Closing the wrong bathroom stall door for where I wanted to do, uh….my business…
So I went to the VERY end stall and did so – and laughed the whole time. Then I got done, washed my hands, and then tried to affix the stall doors handle back on as best as I could. Only I pulled the handle out of the stall door from its' friggin HINGES, so I was not ready with my handy dandy screw driver to fully rectify the stoopid mistake/accident I had caused…
Needless to say, I left the bathroom with tears in my eyes from crying/laughing so hard…
Thursday, February 16, 2012
Rum
Once upon a time a Kansas gal thought she was a rum snob.
She went in and picked out a bottle of rum. Her husband picked out two kinds of rum after not finding the beer they were initially after. They head to the liquor store checkout counter where the Cuban guy rings them up. And this is what she hears…
“This is a good rum. And this too…”
He stops on the rum she chose, and says “THIS, not so much….”
Until she went to a liquor store in Florida anyway….
She spent her day at a Florida hotel trying not to go postal on the kids who found the pool there a great place to scream at. She also had to endure the hotel entertainment that afternoon that made her send an email to her husband in the next room titled ‘Stabbity, stab, stab”. She was also recovering from a wine (yes, you read right) hangover from an IT banquet the night before.
But, anyway……
She went to a Florida liquor store with her husband to look for a specific kind of beer for a friend. OK, ok…. *maybe* the 158 rums advertised on the liquor store sign didn’t help to woo her in, but….
Thursday, January 19, 2012
Home Improvement 101
There are a bunch of websites, blogs, twitter & Facebook pages and more out there that have *something* to do with helping you with home improvement tasks. However, none of them *really* address the realities of home improvement. None of them really tell you that you will not be *that* overjoyed in the process. To me, it is kinda like a woman in labor - painful, way too long, but at the end of it all, it can be worth it. IF everything turns out as planned...
Anyway! I am not going to tell you how much I have enjoyed the many months of home improvements we have done. I am not going to tell you that I would recommend everyone do it at least once. And I am not going to say that one truly appreciates the result more if he/she does the work.
I am going to tell you the signs that it may be a good time to take a break. I am going to tell you when maybe - just maybe - you have taken on too much. And I am going to tell you that any of the good and bad things/events/etc below are a sign that *maybe* you should find something else to do with your spare time during your day. So, uh, here goes...
Good: You start enjoying long/hot showers more.
Sad: You wash your hair. You soon realize you are unable to find the bandaid that was on your finger. You soon find it IN your hair.
Good: You start applying more lotion to keep your skin from drying out.
Sad: You realize parts of your legs and hands are not *really* dry. They are just covered by grout.
Good: You go to the dentist and find out you do not have any cavities.
Sad: You go to aforesaid dentist with a bandaid on your finger & a large burn on your elbow from your curling iron.
Good: You start to feel comfortable around your masseuse.
Sad: You feel so comfortable with your masseuse that you invite her to your party to celebrate the end of the home improvement projects.
Good: You drink an alcoholic beverage to 'unwind' at the end of the night with your significant other.
Sad: You drink so many beverages you have to restock continuously before your party.
OK, I guess 5 'tips' are enuf for tonight lol
Be well. Hire a contractor =)
Anyway! I am not going to tell you how much I have enjoyed the many months of home improvements we have done. I am not going to tell you that I would recommend everyone do it at least once. And I am not going to say that one truly appreciates the result more if he/she does the work.
I am going to tell you the signs that it may be a good time to take a break. I am going to tell you when maybe - just maybe - you have taken on too much. And I am going to tell you that any of the good and bad things/events/etc below are a sign that *maybe* you should find something else to do with your spare time during your day. So, uh, here goes...
Good: You start enjoying long/hot showers more.
Sad: You wash your hair. You soon realize you are unable to find the bandaid that was on your finger. You soon find it IN your hair.
Good: You start applying more lotion to keep your skin from drying out.
Sad: You realize parts of your legs and hands are not *really* dry. They are just covered by grout.
Good: You go to the dentist and find out you do not have any cavities.
Sad: You go to aforesaid dentist with a bandaid on your finger & a large burn on your elbow from your curling iron.
Good: You start to feel comfortable around your masseuse.
Sad: You feel so comfortable with your masseuse that you invite her to your party to celebrate the end of the home improvement projects.
Good: You drink an alcoholic beverage to 'unwind' at the end of the night with your significant other.
Sad: You drink so many beverages you have to restock continuously before your party.
OK, I guess 5 'tips' are enuf for tonight lol
Be well. Hire a contractor =)
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
Life is What You Make It
I have to agree with the title of this blog post for anyone except me...
What makes me so special? Well...
#1 I can paint a cabinet and have the paintbrush somersault out of my hand onto my shirt and then bounce off on to the slate floor. Yes, I *could* laugh about it. Yes, I *could* act like it didn't matter. BUT it was my F'N shirt and newly tiled floor and less than 2 weeks away from a huge party at our house. I don't wanna laugh - I wanna cry.
#2 My youngest pup thinks I stink anymore. She covers her nose while she lays on MY chair that I covered with MY blanket and squints at me like her eyes are watering. OK, *maybe* I can convince myself it was the candle I was burning. Maybe ..... IF I could convince myself that the last few months of home improvements have not improved ME.
#3 My last post about the moisturizing balm? Yeah - that didn't happen just once over the last couple of weeks. It used to be that I could learn from my mistakes.... anymore? it is too hard to remember how many mistakes I need to rectify.
#4 My highlight of the day? For me, it is to lay on my office floor and take a nap. What's wrong with this you say? Well, the pups are on MY chair in MY office and think I am too stinky to be around to curl up next to me. AND, I am friggin ASLEEP - how sad is that?
OK, ok.... yeah.... yeah.... that is the point of the above saying. Life is what YOU make it. So I guess in order for me to be more happy, I should do the following:
#1 Pay someone else to paint for me.
#2 Shower more.
#3 Take some herbs to enhance my memory.
#4 Steal my blanket from the pups to make my chair less appealing so the pups nap with me more.
Well, crud, if I type it out *that* way, it doesn't sound too hard lol
What makes me so special? Well...
#1 I can paint a cabinet and have the paintbrush somersault out of my hand onto my shirt and then bounce off on to the slate floor. Yes, I *could* laugh about it. Yes, I *could* act like it didn't matter. BUT it was my F'N shirt and newly tiled floor and less than 2 weeks away from a huge party at our house. I don't wanna laugh - I wanna cry.
#2 My youngest pup thinks I stink anymore. She covers her nose while she lays on MY chair that I covered with MY blanket and squints at me like her eyes are watering. OK, *maybe* I can convince myself it was the candle I was burning. Maybe ..... IF I could convince myself that the last few months of home improvements have not improved ME.
#3 My last post about the moisturizing balm? Yeah - that didn't happen just once over the last couple of weeks. It used to be that I could learn from my mistakes.... anymore? it is too hard to remember how many mistakes I need to rectify.
#4 My highlight of the day? For me, it is to lay on my office floor and take a nap. What's wrong with this you say? Well, the pups are on MY chair in MY office and think I am too stinky to be around to curl up next to me. AND, I am friggin ASLEEP - how sad is that?
OK, ok.... yeah.... yeah.... that is the point of the above saying. Life is what YOU make it. So I guess in order for me to be more happy, I should do the following:
#1 Pay someone else to paint for me.
#2 Shower more.
#3 Take some herbs to enhance my memory.
#4 Steal my blanket from the pups to make my chair less appealing so the pups nap with me more.
Well, crud, if I type it out *that* way, it doesn't sound too hard lol
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