My Jenn-Air

I feel like I am just learning to bake all over again with my new Jenn-Air appliances. I get all excited when my oven bleeps at me in its happy little language that its ready to bake something for me. And I get even more tickled when it bleeps at me again saying my food is done.

However, I get a little annoyed when my stove determines that my pots and pans I previously had for my old stovetop are not good enough to cook on it. It is frustrating to put one copper bottom pan on and have it bleep at me and refuse to work. It is even more frustrating when I put one of my stainless steel pans (uhh, in my case, my *good* pans) on it and it still bleeps and flashes some weird symbol at me. After I look through my user guide, I see that this weird symbol basically is supposed to tell me to f*cking put some other pot to cook on the stovetop, cuz like, I am too good to have lowly copper bottom/stainless steel crud.

So anyway, as y'all can guess, I have been taking learning my new appliances and all their quirks very seriously lately. So when my husband decided to go out with the guys one night and remarked that I will spend the time trying to be a 'Level 3' Jenn-Air master while he was gone, my first reaction was to question it with 'Really? they have that sorta competition/training?'

Yeah, I need a life....

Or some time away from my kitchen lol

It is NOT acceptable when...

Yes, I know I just had a previous blog post where I made it apparent about how disgusted I was with Netflix. And yes, I know I *should* follow that blog post with one that shows how I find that the world IS my oyster. Perhaps a blog post on how I see why everything is done for a reason, how everyone has something great to give the world, and how my life couldn't get any better.

THAT was not how things felt to me this last week, so I am gonna rant away...

#1 It is NOT acceptable when you are sitting in a restaurant with your husband and his daughter and the one single f'n fly that has managed to still be around indoors and outdoors makes its way to our table and flies right up to my face as I am eating. It is NOT acceptable when I say this is NOT acceptable, that it is NOT fair that every fly always manages to find me and ME only and my husband answers with a question, "Fly? What fly? I see no fly. What about you Holly?"

Yeah. Not cool..

#2 It is NOT acceptable when you go to Whole Foods to get lunch with two of your friends and manage to get in trouble by a little old lady because you took a picture of their friggin OLIVE BAR. It is NOT acceptable this little old lady then involves someone else in their salad bar area who also tells you how bad taking a picture of olives is, while all the while your stomach is growling and all you friggin want is to eat something.

Yeah. Not eating there again... Or if I do, I am gonna take a picture of EVERYTHING!!!!! So F'N there *grr*

#3 It is NOT acceptable when you are going thru a McDonald's drive thru with your husband and find out you have *three* white hairs. It is NOT acceptable to have your husband answer your distress by saying that he has had a streak of white hair for YEARS.

Yeah. SO not cool...

So let's summarize this blog post shall we? It is not cool for me to get white hair, be bombarded by flies and get in trouble by the Whole Foods police. Ideally, I would never get white hair, flies would turn around and bug someone else, and Whole Foods would have 'Half Foods' across the street that puts them out of business.

The End.

Dear Netflix

To Whom it May Concern:

While it may not be painfully obvious to you, when a gal tries to search your streaming selection for a romance to make her feel good, PLEASE do not suggest movie titles such as The Kreutzer Sonata. Yes - I do know that you warned me that the wife was *possibly* straying from the relationship and that the husband was definitely the jealous type. Yes, I do know that you mentioned that the wife is unhappy in having to give up her career. YET, when one thinks of a romance, they imagine a happy ending.

Again - YES, I realize the definition of romance encompasses excitement and "mystery". And YES - I do realize the two main characters in this movie truly did love each other - at least at some point. BUT, please at least warn a gal that your definition of romance and mine have two entirely different results.

I do not need to go to bed wondering if my husband might be jealous enough to stalk me. I do not need to go to bed knowing that my husband could make me feel like a 'caged' animal. And a great big thanks for letting me go to bed with visions of this gal's husband slashing her in the face and stabbing her in the stomach.

Please note that maybe - just MAYBE - you should define your movies more narrowly or either quit pushing your depressing love life, sick and twisted ideas of reality on me. I would rather stay in my 'bubble' of happiness and naivety, as it's a WAY more optimistic life than yours apparently.


Have a good night. NOT.

Sincerely,

Disgruntled & disturbed customer

Turtle Concrete

Sounds yummy huh? =) It was - well, most of it was anyway. The name does not do it justice actually - as it is full of fudge, caramel, candied walnuts and more unhealthy goodness that I will spare y'all. Suffice it to say, it was something I looked forward to eating - every single bite of it.

And suffice it to say, every single bite did not reach my mouth. There is a reason you should not try to eat these sorts of decadent desserts while traveling down the road at 65 plus miles an hour. Granted, I am not that coordinated, BUT...

When it comes to having fudge, caramel, candied walnuts amidst ice cream - err, sorry! technically, it was frozen custard (but both taste pretty much the same to me when laden with sinful ingredients such as fudge, etc.), I take consuming every bite very seriously. So as I drove out of town and got on the highway, I found it frustrating that I had one of the bites intended for my mouth hit my pant leg.

Another bite was more successful. Yet, the third bite was less so, as it hit the steering wheel of my jeep. I managed to hurriedly shove the spoonful of concrete into my mouth two more times before mishap happened again. This time, it splattered on my shirt, and as I said a few choice words I managed to sneak another successful bite of concrete in my mouth before the next hit the top of my shirt and sank in between my uh, err... woman parts on the upper portion of my body.

I dab quickly at the many spots made by the concrete and try to consume the rest in record time. Yet, even though I was fairly successful at doing so, the next spoonful of concrete hits my seatbelt. As I try to wipe it off, I smear it further down the upper portion of my seatbelt, leaving a sticky smear of 'stuff that should not be on your seatbelt' behind.

Anyway! There was not too much concrete left after this, but still a lot of sticky concrete residue to clean up. And a lot of explaining to my husband why my jeep is so dirty! lol

JK! =) Uhh, kinda...

The Benefits of Exercise?

I am not sure I can exercise anymore. I am not sure it's beneficial for me and/or others around me. I must be doing something right, as I have managed to inspire my husband to exercise as well - AND get us both a gym membership.

Yet, it never does feel quite 'right'. I walk around the indoor track at the gym with my husband and manage to say 'owwww', 'uggh' or some other frustrated and pessimistic word about every lap. I get on the stair stepper and try to work out 20 - 25 minutes, which seem like an eternity cuz my legs are on fire, my arms ache, and my breathing sounds so horrid that little old ladies working out next to me sound 10 times better.

I have tried swimming laps at the gym, but have realized I really don't know how to swim. I have people in other lanes swimming from one end to the other in record time. And me? I stand in the water, start trying to do the breast stroke and somehow move downward into the 4 feet of water. I manage to end up doing the doggie paddle, which looks extremely pathetic in a pool of expert swimmers. I am even unable to doggie paddle even a quarter of the way, and end up getting embarrassed at my apparent lack of swimming ability that I drag my dripping self out of the water and scurry into the restroom/shower area before anyone can really get a good idea of who that untalented swimmer was.

And in an effort to make myself feel better tonight, I stuck with a workout DVD I am familiar with. Yet, I decided I was able to move on to Disc #2 since I had done Disc #1 for a number of weeks and have managed to somewhat master it.

Well..... Disc #2 was put into the DVD player and I stood there ready. BUT not ready for Mr Tony who decided to crank things up to twice the speed. Initially, I did not think it was going to be bad, and managed to exercise and look at Mr Tony in his short sky blue shorts and think he looked pretty silly wearing them. As each minute went on, the workout was more intense and I had no time to make fun of him in his pretty blue shorts. Altho, I was getting irritable with each passing minute....

So here I am - most of my body is already sore, and I am not sure if I will get out of bed tomorrow. In fact, sleeping, taking lots of painkiller and alcohol sounds pretty much like heaven right now.

Yeah, yeah.... don't judge me .... you would do the same lol

Wait a Minute, Mr Postman!

I have developed a lack of faith in our postal system - largely due to the postman we have been assigned in the KC suburb in which we live. Not to say that I have been impressed with the post offices elsewhere either, tho. Let's just say the ability for them to do their job effectively has led me to believe they only employ angry, unhappy people.

Our latest problems started in Deadwood, South Dakota on the day we were going to leave to come back home from the Sturgis Harley Rally. Box was found to ship our dirty clothes so we didn't have to have as much on the bike on the way back. Box taped, box had address added to top of it, and box was paid for, and the estimated arrival date was 4 days later.

We arrive home and wait the estimated amount of days for the package to arrive. We wait another 4 days and still no package shows up on our doorstep. Needless to say, we start to worry that there was someone with a dirty laundry fetish - yet, the only recourse we have is to call the Deadwood, SD post office for clues as to where it went since we did not pay to track it. We had to head out of town, so we decided to wait another 4 days before calling.


And guess what? We were greeted by a post office pickup slip saying we had a package to pick up in our mailbox when we got back into town. It even said this was their 'final' notice. Not only were we greeted with that, but we also had a box stuck in the mailbox that the postman amazingly managed to fit inside. It was stuck in there so well that my husband could not get it out. He had to cut open the end of the box and pull out what was inside.


I was not surprised that this pissed off my husband - the postman has made me grumpy by doing this three other times. Yet, I was surprised to hear my husband declare he was writing the postman a note. He disappeared downstairs for a bit to get a pen/paper and when I saw him next he presented me the note for my review. And uhhh... well, uhh... I will spare y'all with the letter in its entirety, but it began like this:


"If you insist on being a jackass, I will insist on calling in complaints."


So, anywhooo lol Note was added to mailbox, postman came the next day and left more mail and left box/note inside. We are not sure he saw the note - as we dunno if he even bothers to look inside the mailbox before stuffing stuff in. This led to my husband calling the postman's supervisor and complaining - to which the supervisor reassured my husband that the postman would come back that afternoon and take out the box if we will leave our key in the slot.


Key was left - and we take the note out. Afternoon/evening went by and still key/box was there. We take the key out too, as we are not comfortable with other people having access to our box. Early this afternoon the dogs start barking - I managed to get to the door a few minutes later because I was busy getting dressed for an interview. Guess what I find on the doorstep?


The empty box the postman was supposed to remove! It appears that the postman now wants to be a smartass instead of a jackass lol

Sturgis 2011

Anyone who knows me knows that I have a love/hate relationship with riding on the Harley with my husband every year to Sturgis, South Dakota. This year was not any different, as I had lots that I endured that I found not to be an 'ideal' situation. For instance, a yellow bug hitting your pants leg and splattering over your pants and your nearby thumb is NOT cool. One would say its actually kinda gross.

One would also say that riding on a Harley through a rain/hail storm is not an ideal situation either. Or smelling guys/gals who decided that taking showers are overrated. Or seeing gals who decided that its too hot to wear anything except pasties on their upper portion of their bodies. Or making the trip up there and back with a severe cold/sinus infection.... Or...

Well, you get my point =)

However, there are a lot of other things that made the trip worth it. Like the fact that at one of our stops we saw a hefty biker guy sitting on a bench outside a gas station with a chihuahua held lovingly in the crook of his arm. Like the fact that everytime we hit a bump, my husband would reach back and pat my leg reassuringly. Like the fact that I saw prairie dogs popping out of their holes to look around as we were riding down the road. Like the fact that the biker guys we saw up there would hold the doors open for their gals. Like the fact that my husband bought me a stuffed rabbit and before we headed off from a stop, he pulls the rabbit's plush paw out of the saddlebag to 'wave' at me. And like the fact that there were some of the most beautiful skies on this trip that I have seen...

And with that last bit being said, I will post one of my pictures of the sky I took =)