Being Sick...

There are times when you don’t need input from certain people when you are sick. Usually, this happens when it is not a close friend or someone with good intentions…

However, when it is a company that is just trying to upsell their product? Yeah… that is not so cool..

Not too long ago I was miserable with the ‘creeping crud’ that seems to be making its rounds. I was congested, my head hurt, my body ached, and well…. I just felt overall miserable in a nutshell. However, I was not to be deterred in my attempts to make this crud go away that much quicker. I put a hot towel on my head. I double dosed on Mucinex to where I found it difficult to even sleep. And I tried using breathe right strips on my nose to uh, breathe better….

Yet, even the latter did not end well, as I managed to bruise my nose. Since my husband was gone at the time, I texted him a picture of my displeasure/disgust. I even ’tweeted’ about how my nose was bruised… only to get this in response the next day:

FROM@ Breathe Right: Can u please give us a call so we can answer any questions and understand how ur using Breathe Right? 1-800-858-6673. Thanks!

Uhhh??

Errr???

Ummm??

#1 I do not need to call you. IF I wanted to call you, I would have done so to begin with. I *am* sick, remember? I just wanna curl up in my bed and be as lazy as possible – do you think being lazy entails calling F’N you? *Lisa takes imaginary phone and slams it into something hard to make herself feel better*

#2 Why da heck do you think it’s MY fault? Maybe, just maybe, your flippin’ product doesn’t work as well as you think/hoped. And maybe I don’t think it’s gonna make me feel better by calling you to tell you what you are doing wrong!? *Lisa takes imaginary cell phone again and throws it across the room*

#3 WTF? Seriously? ME call YOU??!! Are you not the least but concerned my nose is bruised and that I am sick? HUH? *whine* *Lisa picks up imaginary cell phone & holds it as she cries big large drops of sadness onto it*

So there ya have it Breathe Right. I will pinch my nose really hard to make myself feel better before using you again thank you very much.

Anger Management Issues

There comes a day when you realize you might have anger management issues. That day was today for me...

Since we decided to say a big 'F' you! (uhh, I mean, thanks for trying, but we don't like your service) to Time Warner Cable about a year ago, we do not have local TV stations. Therefore, since the first NASCAR race of the season was today, my husband required bar food (ie wifi, ie many local sports channels). And so henceforth we went to our local Tanners...

However, once there, things went downhill for me. It first started with me thinking I can spend my time trying to make my eReader work on my iPad. I tried to log in to the full website for eReader, only to find out that it kept redirecting me to back to the mobile site.

So I continue to hit my finger onto my keypad harder….and harder… and HARDEERRR…

Until I realize that maybe the eReader app I downloaded for my iPad might not work. So not to be deterred, I went to search Google again and found that there is no solution to my problem…

WHAT?? %%^&^*((&!!?? Don’t *^^%%&@#@##@#..... Uhhh… tell me that!!

So I googled some more and found out that maybe….*maybe*…. DropBox could help me out since that last post was in 2010….

I smile smugly at my husband as I download it. I say in an elated voice that I may have found a solution to my husband…

And then I try the downloaded version…

And realize I am not able to find anything out with my friggin iPad, cuz it’s considered a ‘mobile’ device…. *grrrrrr*

Anywhoooo! Husband takes a commercial break to go to the bathroom. I go to the bathroom to take a break. PERIOD.

I decide not to use the first stall cuz I figured everybody in a bar is gonna take the easy way out and use the first stall they find. So I go to the 3^rd stall and find that someone didn’t flush. EWW. So I go to the 4^th stall. UGGHHH….. same thing! So I go back to the first stall and try to shut the stall door.

And try…

And try again..

REALLY pissed off, I try to yank the stall door to me –yet, it still refused to close all the way. So what do I do? I get out of the stall and pull on the handle, and…

YANK THE F’N thing OFF!
   
Know what I was doing? Closing the wrong bathroom stall door for where I wanted to do, uh….my business…

So I went to the VERY end stall and did so – and laughed the whole time. Then I got done, washed my hands, and then tried to affix the stall doors handle back on as best as I could. Only I pulled the handle out of the stall door from its' friggin HINGES, so I was not ready with my handy dandy screw driver to fully rectify the stoopid mistake/accident I had caused…
   
Needless to say, I left the bathroom with tears in my eyes from crying/laughing so hard…

Rum

Once upon a time a Kansas gal thought she was a rum snob.

Until she went to a liquor store in Florida anyway….

She spent her day at a Florida hotel trying not to go postal on the kids who found the pool there a great place to scream at. She also had to endure the hotel entertainment that afternoon that made her send an email to her husband in the next room titled ‘Stabbity, stab, stab”. She was also recovering from a wine (yes, you read right) hangover from an IT banquet the night before.

But, anyway……

She went to a Florida liquor store with her husband to look for a specific kind of beer for a friend. OK, ok…. *maybe* the 158 rums advertised on the liquor store sign didn’t help to woo her in, but….

 She went in and picked out a bottle of rum. Her husband picked out two kinds of rum after not finding the beer they were initially after. They head to the liquor store checkout counter where the Cuban guy rings them up. And this is what she hears…

 “This is a good rum. And this too…”

 He stops on the rum she chose, and says “THIS, not so much….”

Home Improvement 101

There are a bunch of websites, blogs, twitter & Facebook pages and more out there that have *something* to do with helping you with home improvement tasks. However, none of them *really* address the realities of home improvement. None of them really tell you that you will not be *that* overjoyed in the process. To me, it is kinda like a woman in labor - painful, way too long, but at the end of it all, it can be worth it. IF everything turns out as planned...

Anyway! I am not going to tell you how much I have enjoyed the many months of home improvements we have done. I am not going to tell you that I would recommend everyone do it at least once. And I am not going to say that one truly appreciates the result more if he/she does the work.

I am going to tell you the signs that it may be a good time to take a break. I am going to tell you when maybe - just maybe - you have taken on too much. And I am going to tell you that any of the good and bad things/events/etc below are a sign that *maybe* you should find something else to do with your spare time during your day. So, uh, here goes...

Good: You start enjoying long/hot showers more.
Sad: You wash your hair. You soon realize you are unable to find the bandaid that was on your finger. You soon find it IN your hair.

Good: You start applying more lotion to keep your skin from drying out.
Sad: You realize parts of your legs and hands are not *really* dry. They are just covered by grout.

Good: You go to the dentist and find out you do not have any cavities.
Sad: You go to aforesaid dentist with a bandaid on your finger & a large burn on your elbow from your curling iron.

Good: You start to feel comfortable around your masseuse.
Sad: You feel so comfortable with your masseuse that you invite her to your party to celebrate the end of the home improvement projects.

Good: You drink an alcoholic beverage to 'unwind' at the end of the night with your significant other.
Sad: You drink so many beverages you have to restock continuously before your party.

OK, I guess 5 'tips' are enuf for tonight lol

Be well. Hire a contractor =)

Life is What You Make It

I have to agree with the title of this blog post for anyone except me...

What makes me so special? Well...

#1 I can paint a cabinet and have the paintbrush somersault out of my hand onto my shirt and then bounce off on to the slate floor. Yes, I *could* laugh about it. Yes, I *could* act like it didn't matter. BUT it was my F'N shirt and newly tiled floor and less than 2 weeks away from a huge party at our house. I don't wanna laugh - I wanna cry.

#2 My youngest pup thinks I stink anymore. She covers her nose while she lays on MY chair that I covered with MY blanket and squints at me like her eyes are watering. OK, *maybe* I can convince myself it was the candle I was burning. Maybe ..... IF I could convince myself that the last few months of home improvements have not improved ME.

#3 My last post about the moisturizing balm? Yeah - that didn't happen just once over the last couple of weeks. It used to be that I could learn from my mistakes.... anymore? it is too hard to remember how many mistakes I need to rectify.

#4 My highlight of the day? For me, it is to lay on my office floor and take a nap. What's wrong with this you say? Well, the pups are on MY chair in MY office and think I am too stinky to be around to curl up next to me. AND, I am friggin ASLEEP - how sad is that?

OK, ok.... yeah.... yeah.... that is the point of the above saying. Life is what YOU make it. So I guess in order for me to be more happy, I should do the following:

#1 Pay someone else to paint for me.
#2 Shower more.
#3 Take some herbs to enhance my memory.
#4 Steal my blanket from the pups to make my chair less appealing so the pups nap with me more.

Well, crud, if I type it out *that* way, it doesn't sound too hard lol

NYE

How did y'all bring in 2012? A party? At home? Neither? =)

I really did not do anything much myself. Well, I *kinda* did - as I was busy doing a lot of painting & miscellaneous housework that needed to be done that day. But did I party? Nahh, not really. I did have a rum & diet coke to relax a bit from all the house stuff I had been doing. But by the time we headed off for a late dinner at Tanners (which consisted of nachos & more diet coke/rum), I thought I felt pretty sober. So I am not sure I can blame what happened in between the house and Tanners on alcohol *sigh*

Despite being splattered with paint, wearing jeans that had belt loops that ripped off when trying to yank them up over my hips, and a button up shirt that is about 15 years old..... I headed out to Tanners with my husband. In a desperate attempt to look *somewhat* classy, I started to put on makeup, add carmex to my lips and then try to massage some moisturizing balm into my hands. All of this went well up until I wondered out loud where the lid to my moisturizing balm went.

My husband replied that. "Maybe it's on your lap."

And me? Well, I automatically think he is being a smarta$$ as usual and go 'Ha, Ha - how funny! Seriously! I can't find it..."

And as I say a few choice words, I dive into my purse looking for it. In doing so, I hand my moisturizing balm container to my husband to hold.

I hear him snort with laughter, but I continue to dig thru my purse. I look beside me, underneath me and hear my husband start laughing and as I turn around to say that "it's not funny, I can't find it...", he lift the container up to show that its *sitting* on the lid of the friggin moisturizing balm.

Men are evil I say lol

Ohh Deer!

Yes - there were a bunch of them at dinner tonight. Not alive, mind you.... but many greeted me as I walked into Bunga whomever's lodge this evening for dinner with my husband. If I had been fully awake and not intent on being so grumpy, *maybe* I would have had the common sense to tell my husband that the aforesaid place was perhaps not the best place to take me. As my husband so willingly explained to the guy who had the privilage of being our host/taking our name as soon as we stepped in the door...

"Stuffed heads on the wall kinda freak my wife out...."

AND let the reader please note that this was mentioned after the host thought my husband was friggin *admiring* all the taxidermy work. AND even after it was explained why we were talking about it, the host still was oblivious to the horror on my face and led us thru the maze of tables and taxidermy work where we would be seated, exclaiming...

"REALLY??? You have never have been here? "

Uhh..... like DUHHHH dude..... remember the stuffed heads comment?

Anyway! He seats us by the fireplace and I think to myself that this *might* not be so bad. In retroflect, sitting by a fireplace is almost somewhat romantic. And as I sit down and look up above the fireplace, I look a HUGE stuffed head of a moose right in the eyes....

And then I look back at my husband ....

He looks at me and loses it, laughing and shaking his head as he says, "I really know how to pick a good place to eat..."

As I look behind my husband, I have to agree, since there is a bear skin hanging on the wall and multiple antlers hanging from the ceiling. Yet, the intermittent  advertisements by 'Bill' and the animals over the intercom over the 'electrifying' times to be had there as we had some of the slowest service EVER was not much better.

The rum/diet coke I had helped tho..... especially near the end of the dinner when I heard some loud sound and looked up to see a fish flapping around on the wall...

And that's when the tears of laughter started lol