Teaching me a lesson?

I hate when a product you buy has a sneaky lil lesson it tries to teach you. The makers of the product are not simply happy to be able to sell it. I swear they get bored with making money and just decide to mess with people. Heck! Why sell a product when you can also sit back in your office and chuckle until tears come to your eyes when you think of all the people who bought the product and fell for your lil ruse?


Product guilty of this today? IceBreakers Spearmint Sugar Free Mints.


We stop at a gas station for a bathroom break, which ended in a panic buy of several different bags of nuts, 5 hr energy drinks, 2 coffees and the IceBreaker mints. The latter was chosen to help my stomach and not make my breath as obnoxious after drinking coffee. Patting myself on the back for being insightful, forward-thinking, blah, blah, blahhhhhhhh....we got back on the road.


I manage to make it at least an hour down the road before I have to charge my iPad. No problem! I turn around, unbuckled my seat belt and dug out my charger/cord. I settle in after getting the iPad plugged in and notice my pen to use for the iPad's touch screen had disappeared. I look tho one side of my seat, then the other, then behind, and even picked my butt up off the seat and looked underneath myself as well. No pen and an unhappy Lisa....


To my husband's credit, he decides it's best to solve this predicament as soon as possible and pulls over within a mile at a rest stop.


I open the car door, get out, and found the pen on the very first side I had originally checked while on the road. But ya know what? I do not care, I do not gripe about it - I just happily sit back in the seat and get situated again as husband used the bathroom and threw away the trash. And I decide to consume some IceBreaker mints....


The package is circular, with a little tab to pull to open. I open, get a mint, close the package, and then study the package intently as I continued to wait for my husband. I notice the tab I opened said 'to share', but there was another tab on the direct opposite side that said 'not to share'. I find this kinda amusing and decide to open the 'not to share' side. I tug on tab. Nothing. I tug on tab a bit harder, and then all of the sudden I have many mints flying at me and around me. I look inside and expect a divider, something, anything that made this side any different. It was all one f'n package. There was never any f'n intention on IceBreaker's part for you to keep any for yourself.


You know what I have to say IceBreakers? Yeah, keep guessing for f'n EVER, cuz I ain't gonna share that with YOU! :P

A Jeep, A Gal, And not enuf Sleep

You know when you are really tired? Well, lemme tell ya! It could be when you are driving back from the airport at 9P on a Sunday night after being in CA to ring in 2011. At least it was for me...

I made it home ok - I even pulled into the driveway, open the garage door and park inside the garage ok. However, when I turned off my jeep, my key would not leave the ignition switch area. Even tho I am tired, I do not let this fluster me - initially anyway lol I turn the key to turn my jeep back on and it only goes halfway. The radio turns on, the vents turn on, EVERYTHING turns on except the jeep itself.

I am so tired, all I can do is go HUH? instead of my usual WTF? And I decide that my jeep is just being finicky - it IS getting older after all. Maybe this is just what I have to deal with when I have an older vehicle...

I turn the key again - radio, vents, etc come on - jeep remains unresponsive.

I turn the jeep to the 'off' position and try yanking the key out. OK, maybe yank is not quite correct considering how tired I was - and I *was* worried about leaving part of my key in the ignition. So.... I, err... tug...at the key....and nothing.

I tug harder at the key ...... and it stubbornly refuses to leave the ignition.

I then decide that maybe I just need to leave and come back and things will 'fix' itself. I go inside the house and use the restroom. I then reenter the garage and try turning the key again. Vents blow. Radio plays. Jeep sits there unresponsive. And as I let a huge sigh and turn the key to the 'off' position, say a little prayer, and tug again on the key, it still is stuck in the ignition.

OK, I decide - another break is needed. And I need to decide how I am going to get to work tomorrow, how I will pick up the dogs, how I will do this, that and the other...

I head to the mailbox to check the mail and then back to the garage to go thru the same turn on jeep, turn off jeep motions......

Yeah, you guessed it.... the jeep still did not turn on, the key was still stuck in the ignition switch, and I was starting to go into panic mode lol I finally break down and call my husband and hurriedly tell him whats wrong. Of course, thats sounded like a bunch of babble to him, so he asked me to slow down and tell him again. To which he replied:

"OK, first things first, did you put your jeep in PARK?"

To which I replied:

"F*ck, sorry - will call you back in a minute...."

Yeah, guess what I did? Ignored that I even had a PARK option on my jeep. And THAT, my folks, is when its a good thing you are home and have called it a day lol

Getting Older

I have been depressed lately. Why? I have had several reminders about how old I am. How so? Well, let's see...


There was this one time when my husband is downstairs watching TV and I decided I needed to distract him with a 'sexy' dance. I swing my hips around in a seductive fashion and POP! crrraaackk! my hips went in response. Despite my husband having the TV blaring, the sound of my hips falling apart on me was louder. My husband, needless to say, was not turned on - in fact, he pretty much lost it and started laughing. So forget the sexy hip swaying for me and my friggin old hips anymore *le sigh*


And then there was this one time when I got in the car to go somewhere with my husband and needed to put on my coat. I try to put it on, keep tugging at it, keep yanking, try to find the other armhole - finally, I manage to get it on, but it still feels funky. I try to look behind me and my husband busts out laughing and says, "uhh, you have it upside down Lisa - do you need me to stop the car so you can put on your coat?"


So it appears that my memory is going as well. Or is it my coordination? Nahh, that shouldnt be it, cuz it does take a pretty limber, coordinated person to be able to put their winter coat on, upside down, hood side trailing down to your behind right? Yeah, lets go with that and end on a more positive note shall we? lol

A Bunch of Griping

My husband goes to get his skin checked out at the dermatologist the other day. I try to be the ever helpful wife and circle any and all areas on his back that may be of concern. Not only does my husband return with the name of every friggin spot labeled on his backside, I get to hear how she retorted 'is she joking?' on one of them I had circled.


OK, first of all, I am not a dermatologist. I do not watch dermatologist shows. I do not google about dark moles, pinkish spots, oblong spots, or any other kind of skin condition. I have a life. I have things I have to concentrate on. And geez.... I circled the f'n things first thing in the AM - give me an F'N break.


And you know what? I think next year, I am gonna circle *hundreds* of spots. I am gonna draw in some spots. I gonna write on his back what I think of her and *then* see what she says.


Yes, I am so brave when I am not the one who is going in there lol


And thats not all thats been a pain in the a$$ lately. I want to go to Germany next year after I graduate from college. I find the application online for a passport. I notice both my husband and I need to get pictures taken. We went to our local post office and they were not taking pictures that day. We went again, and they were not taking pictures until an hour later. And of course, we are too busy to go later, soo....


We go another day to do so. We wait for the gal to take our pix for quite awhile, but it does get done. I manage not to take the ugliest picture of myself, so I was pleased. A couple of weeks pass and then we go back with the applications, birth certificates, etc we need to file for a passport. We are told again to come back later. We actually are able to come back later and then are told they are not doing passports that day, why dont we try another post office?


REALLY? I truly know what they mean now by going 'postal'. Thanks for wasting my time ya know?


Another 2 weeks go by and we head off to a different post office. They are doing passports, and there is just one family before us getting their paperwork done. The lady behind the counter seemed to really think she found her long lost friend in the wife, tho, and was chatting about everything under the sun. She managed to contain herself after a bit and finally finishes up with them and then it was our turn.


Our turn to find out that my passport picture is 'too big' for the application. Even tho we went to a post office that should have f'n known how big to make them. The applications were double sided that I filled out, and that is a 'no-no' too. So we refill the paperwork, and I get my picture retaken - so now I look like I have a double chin in my picture cuz she had me tilt my head down. Or maybe I *do* have a double chin, it certainly made me feel fat the rest of the f'n day =/ I think my husband had to try to assure me I wasnt about 20 times after that. And to assure me that lipo is not the answer lol


So I *think* I have a passport being processed now. Am sure they will get it and decide the application should have been written in blue ink instead of black or something, tho *sigh*


K, thats all the griping I got for y'all right now lol

Me versus Spider

What is wrong with waking up in the morning, simply getting into the shower and turning on the water and gradually waking up for the day? What is so wrong with expecting that no living creature would *want* to be in your shower considering you *just* cleaned it with enough chemicals a few days before that would kill even you? What is so friggin’ wrong with a spider realizing he/she should NOT be in YOUR shower and either scampering far, far away or making its death quick so you can go ahead with your shower in an uneventful manner?

I guess that really too much of me to ask – or at least, this morning it was – so needless to say, my day was not off to a good start =/ My morning consisted of this:

• Open shower and lean inside to turn on the shower and find out that a spider is slowly swinging its way down on its web towards myself. I refuse to believe spider is trying to be my friend, and hurriedly turn on shower head.

• Spider starts getting wet. However, this is a James Bond sorta spider who defeats the extreme force of water being sprayed at it with one quick movement up. Spider is on the back shower wall in a matter of seconds, inching his last few remaining steps up out of harms way.

• I exclaim WTF?! and do my best to direct the water from the shower head towards the spider on the wall. Spider put on his James Bond wet suit with built in turbo pack and, despite a brief second of inching down the wall from the water, again friggin defeats the force of water and inches his way up the wall.

• I exclaim WTF again and take one of my shampoo bottles to swipe at it. Spider puts on invisible force shield and simply slides down the wall behind the other bottles of stuff found in my shower, which infuriates me further. And yes, I do say a few more choice cuss words…

• I am determined to make this spider go away, even though the thought of it even remotely touching me makes me want to run screaming/crying out of the bathroom. One by one, I start grabbing the bottles of products lining my shelf on the wall the spider is on. As the fourth bottle is removed, I finally see the spider and take the 4th bottle and wildly swing it at the spider, sending it to a corner of the shower’s floor.

• Spider realizes its invisible force shield is not working and puts on its wet suit again, but the water diffuses the turbo feature and he start to slowly inch towards the shower drain from the force of the water. However, not willing to give up that easily, spider manages to push himself slowly away from the drain (cuz, yeah, like all F’N spiders have a F’N gym somewhere they work out to build up their 8 leg muscles to escape perilous water deaths).

• Proving he is not just ANY spider, he manages to get right back to the corner he was in. Super furious at this point, I take the bottle and swing at the spider again. And miss… I swing again and knock said spider unconscious. Unable to contain myself with my newfound ability to seriously maim the spider, I hit him again with the bottle and he appears to give up.

• Not trusting this spider, I manage to spray enuf water to get him moving towards the drain. As I watched him get closer, I *swear* I saw a leg move. Despite him finally moving down the drain, I spent the rest of my time in the shower convinced he would slowly swing one of his powerful legs over the drain and inch himself out of there to attack me.

So yeah, my morning did not go well – how about you all? lol

Preparation H

Sometimes you pay the price of being too vain. Sometimes you really should just accept the fact that you may have a few freckles, some wrinkles where they didn't used to be and dark, poofy circles under your eyes. You should just simply celebrate the fact that your face marks where you have been, the things you have been through and indicates that you are confident enough to go around everyday life with them like they were the most ordinary, normal things to have.

However, that is not me. That will never be me - and I will always try to find way to 'improve' myself. BUT, sometimes in doing so, I end up doing REALLY stupid stuff.

I am a fan of Sandra Bullock, but I am not sure I will blindly follow in her footsteps next time when she mentions a beauty tip of hers. Perhaps I might do a little more research. Perhaps I might just sit and think about it for a bit, and realize that maybe, just MAYBE it isn't something I should go out and do.

Case in point: Putting Preparation H under my eyes to alleviate any 'poofy', dark under eye circles. I have been slathering that stuff on like it was baby lotion , ignoring the fact that it makes my eyes water, that it burns if it gets near my eyes or that I seem to break out with pimples like a teenage girl exactly in the area I slathered it on the night before.

And then the day came that my husband and I were enjoying a pleasant morning at Barnes & Noble reading magazines and eating breakfast, where I realized the stupidity of my actions by reading one little snippet of information.

" Preparation H Ointment depuffs eyes: True or False:
True.... but not the one sold in this country. 'Only the Canadian version has BioDyne, the ingredient that reduces puffiness. It was removed from the U.S. formula years ago.' says Dr. Woolery-Lloyd. So don't put it anywhere except your you-know-what!"

Need I say more? *sigh*

#14

Well y'all, we made it to our first stop of our Sturgis Harley Rally trip. Wasn't sure I was gonna - wouldve been easy to just poke me and have me fall off the bike lol But anywhooo - there seemed to be a theme of the #14, such as:

14 - Items on my body: 2 socks, 2 shoes, a tattoo (old one, not one gotten for this occasion lol), jeans, undies, tank top, bra, sunglasses, 2 rings, helmet and ponytail holder =)

14 - Times I looked at my hands during the ride thinking they didn't look 'quite right'

14 - Times I pouted when I found out that our stop was not in Sioux City, but Sioux Falls.

14 - Trucks/Vans pulling trailers with their bikes loaded inside *SIGH*

14 - Life sized dolls at a gas station/truck stop's glass case staring at me as I was sitting on the bench across from them while husband went to use the restroom.

14 - Times I reminded myself why I married my husband (nahh, not really - sounded good tho right? lol)

All in all, its been a decent trip so far - couldve done without the sunburn I have, and the sign advertising for a Mexican place called Senor Weiner, and the construction, and well.....

Someone needs to invent time travel damnit lol